This Aspie Hates Silence | invisible i

Hey everyone, it’s Katy and welcome back to
my channel. So I thought I would just sit with you guys and have a little bit of Aspie-related
chat because they’re is a side of my Asperger’s which has been really effecting me recently
and I just wanted to kind of chat about this. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this
side of Asperger’s or this, sort of, Autistic trait – I’m sure there are loads of people
out there. But I just kind of wanted to chat about it and start up a conversation about
this. Basically, what it is, I absolutely hate silence.
I have realised recently – probably since starting work and then leaving work – I’ve
realised how much I hate being in silence, it is deafening to me and it makes me so uncomfortable
that I just absolutely hate it. Which I think kind of contradicts a lot of
what people think about Asperger’s and maybe even Autistic Spectrum Disorders in general.
People think that being in noisy, horrible situations where there’s lots of noise can
be too stimulating which oh my gosh, it totally can. But being in complete silence can also
be horrible, it can be just as bad as being in a really crowded, noisy place for me.
So I think I started to realise my hate of silence when I first started work, all the
way through work, and then when I left work. For those of you who don’t know, I worked
in a Cancer hospital and I was doing some work for patients who were receiving Chemotherapy,
which was a very full on and unpredictable job. So yes, I worked in an office – I was
an admin staff – but I very rarely sat on my bum for more than 5 minutes at a time because
we were dealing with emergencies, with things that were constantly happening, people were
coming in and out getting there Chemotherapy and often patients would come in unexpectedly
or if they were ill, so we had to deal with that. And because of that, I was constantly
being stimulated around me because if I wasn’t in the office, I was out in the corridors
of the hospital, talking to patients, talking to nurses, running around grabbing things
– it was a crazy, crazy job. But when I was in the office and I was doing more, sort of,
desk, computer, paperwork kind of work, the radio was on and I used to love having the
radio on. We had a very chilled, relaxed office and we would sit there and listen to the radio all the time. So
then for like my 8 hour work day, I would never actually have a moment
a silence because I was either listening to the radio, in the corridors with all the stimulating
people and lights and chatterings and then when I had lunch for my half an hour lunch
break, I would be listening to music or watching some Dance Moms! So I would never, ever have
silence. Then when I left work and my life became a
lot less hectic, I was still stimulating myself with noise all the time and it took me a really,
really long time to actually realise that silence was something that made me uncomfortable.
So when I’m doing my make-up in the morning, I will watch YouTube videos. When I am in
a car journey or on a long car journey, I will always have the radio on or I will take
my headphones and I’ll listen to my music. If I am just sitting downstairs and I’m editing,
I will normally have the TV on or a YouTube video playing whilst I’m editing. I cannot
be in silence, it just drives me insane and because of this, it has effected my life in
some ways. People may think ‘ah if you’re not in silence then that’s fine, you can just
turn the music up, it doesn’t effect your life’ but it has really effected my life when
it comes to reading. I’m a big lover of reading and for a very long time when I was younger,
I used to always have my head in a book and I always, always read and I still love reading.
But since this whole thing with the silence has come and not liking to be in silence,
I have found that my love of reading has gone down like 75%. Because I still can’t read
when there’s background noise – that’s the one thing I can’t do when there’s background
noise is read and concentrate on what I’m reading. And because of that, I have to read
in silence and then having silence and then reading is not stimulating enough for me.
It’s the one thing that kind of really upsets about this whole thing, is that I can’t find,
really, pleasure in reading anymore. I’m trying to force myself to, I’m still reading as much
as I possibly can but it’s still something that I’m trying to overcome with it because
I know that there’s bound to be situations where I have to be in silence and that I’m
going to have to deal with that uncomfortable feeling. But, it’s just something that’s there
now. I think when I tell people that I need white
noise or something in the background to relax, it kind of confuses a lot of people and I
don’t really understand why. But I think it’s because we have this, sort of, thing embedded
in society now which tells us that we have to have silence in order to relax. So things
like Yoga and Meditation and Mindfulness, we all have to be silent and it has to be
your own thoughts and clearing your mind and that is just something that greatly causes
me a lot of discomfort. That is why I always listen to things to fall asleep because in
that silence, I can’t even fall asleep because it’s just so overwhelming and uncomfortable
for me. It’s a strange feeling and I’m sure there are loads of people out there who experience
the same whether you are on the Autistic Spectrum or you’re not – maybe people with Anxiety
feel the same – let me know if you have this, sort of, same experience or have ever had
it in the past where silence just was not your friend. Let me know in the comments below
your experiences with this because I feel like it’s probably quite common but people
don’t really talk about it because, like I said, we’re told that in order to be relaxed
and to be in a lovely calm state, you have to be in silence and with yourself and that’t
not always the case. So yeah, just wanted to have a chat about that today in this chilled
video, let me know your experiences and your thoughts on this. I hope you’ve have a really
good day and enjoyed this lovely video and if you’re like me, and you watch YouTube when
you’re doing stuff, when you’re cleaning, when you’re putting on your make-up, I’m sure
this video will be nice to just have on in the background! So yeah, I hope I helped with
that so yeah, hope you’ve had a really good day and I will see you soon – bye guys!

86 thoughts on “This Aspie Hates Silence | invisible i

  1. Yes I am the same way. I have to have sounds like an oscillating fan or instrumental music. My white noise has to be sounds only because of my Echolalia & Coprolalia.

  2. I too have Aspergers and never realised before that I too do this. When you said about reading too, I'll always have the tv on but then I can't concentrate on reading. It's frustrating. I am sensitive to noise at the same time though, clocks ticking, the buzz of electricity when there is no other noise it just makes my head feel like it's going to explode. Have a listen to the song 'quiet' by Demi Lovato I really like it lol. I'm always listening to music or have the to on or YouTube. If it's quiet I find myself making noises

  3. Don't know if it helps, but I've found that certain bands produce music that help me read. Stuff that's repetative, without vocals, not harmonically challenging. Maybe a different playlist could help?

  4. I hate being in silence with big groups of people. Like when test taking or working in school I can't handle it. But then at the same time I can't work with music playing so no matter what I have trouble when we get work time at school. Every now and then our teacher will give us rest time where we aren't supposed to do anything and just rest and he always brings me to his office because he knows I won't be able to relax with everyone else there.

  5. I hate silence so much!! I get really anxious when there's silence. Whenever I talk to people they always think I'm rude because I'm constantly talking but it's only because I'm trying to fill the silence which I view as 'Awkward silence'. Even if we're quite for a few seconds my head starts thinking of something to say to fill the space. I always have to have things playing in the background. Exams were nightmares, so much silence!!!!!!

  6. I can't handle silence most of the time, but I still have the odd day where I can't handle noise either no matter how much noise there is, it really drives me nuts.

  7. I'm the same way. I can't handle silence, especially when I'm trying to sleep. I get so much anxiety 😰 I even used to have one headphone in all day at school. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  8. im aspire too and last year i realized that i love silence because even in places full of people and noise or being alone on my grandparent's field when the only sound is the wind passing trough, my mind is on a constant storm of though filled by my obsessions and anxieties that i can't get away with and theres quite few times when silence appears and when it does, i find that everything is so ridiculously simple for a couple of seconds

  9. I hate nosiy situations and I was ok with silence until I started to live on my own. Since then I always have music or YouTube videos when eating, cleaning, showering, driving, etc. because I feel it's a different kind of silence that makes me anxious 🙁 I love reading too, sometimes I play movie scores while reading as background noise (but nothing too dramatic/aggressive)

  10. Yup. Hate silence too and, as I work from home, I have to have the TV on even if it's just a music channel or one of the tech shows I need to catch up on. 🙂

  11. In work I use to have music or radio going on, kind of like that music you hear when you're sitting at a little café. Wonderful. I attend to use meditation music for 35-45 minutes per day to "be in silence" with myself.

  12. I like there to be music playing or youtube while I do almost anything, but if I'm talking to someone I usually just wait for them to be finished. I have been working a lot at trying to be more caring when other people talk and have made a lot of progress, so I'm half and half on the silence thing? I feel more comfortable when nobody is talking but I like to hear quiet sounds. I don't know if that makes sense!

  13. I hate silence too and have to have the TV on in the background whilst working from home and even on timer when I'm going to sleep in bed. It's the first thing that comes on (automatically) as I wake up too.

  14. my sister agrees with you. we've had this conversation a lot.
    I can't concentrate when there's any noise around me, I find it completely disorienting. It feels like something jabbing into my thoughts and unsettling me.
    She on the other hand needs that white noise. it's like a metronome for her keeping her focused.
    The only way I can relate to that is that I get the same effect when I listen to music that I know really well. then it's so familiar it becomes just a repetitive background noise that's comforting. For my sister, and for you possibly, you get that from a wider range of background noise (but not hectic erratic crowd noise). I can appreciate that. 🙂

  15. hi 🙂 im slightly aspie. people dont like silence in general. seems like for you its amplified. well yes there is music or white noise. i also have a small noise machine for sleep. i think its called sleep sound. i find meditation can be with music or white noise as well. also mindfulness is first of all in the now but music does help 🙂 hope your well.

  16. I avoid working or really doing anything in silence now, but can also find too much and certain sounds uncomfortable. It's to a mild extent, but I feel like in silence I tend to focus on annoying repetitive thoughts, while in some level of background noise people's voices become too distracting, making me zone out. It's only when I have something playing on headphones that I can properly focus, and I think it's specifically noise I control which I need.

  17. Ha! Love this, especially the comment at the end about listening to this video in the background of doing something else – I literally did that exact thing while drawing in my studio, and needing something to fill the space!

    It's interesting – I too find silence really difficult to deal with, mainly because it gives my thoughts a chance to explode in my head and sometimes they can become intensely loud and intrusive, which in itself is overwhelming and anxiety-forming. Having something calming in the background soothes the mind hugely I find, and keeps the intensity of my head at bay while I'm doing something else.

    Although, I do find that I need to give my head some quiet space, to sort of give those thoughts trapped in there some 'air time' and actually give them some space to breathe and just be (if that makes any sense at all!), otherwise they become too almost angry and burst out in unpredictable forms haha.

    Thanks for posting, it's nice to hear that others feel the same way!

  18. Try A Soft Murmur!! It's an app (and a website i think) where you can set a mix of different sounds like rain, birds, waves, thunder etc. that you can set at different intensities to suit your needs! I use it all the time when i need to concentrate but can't stand silence, i love the crackling fire and crickets with a touch of waves, feels like a calm night at the beach ^-^

  19. Try classical music. Beethoven is my fav when reading. Silence drives me crazy. My head used to be buried in a book 24/7. Reading used to be my obsession, my safe fanatical perfect place, along with music. Silence fuels my anxiety. Tvs that are far away, multile sound sources, it just sounds like noise that isn't words, dogs crying, fuels my paranoia and worry. I don't like it.

  20. I totally get this!! I'm aspie (trying to get diagnosed) and I used to be read to as a kid and I was the best in my class for reading, but as I got older I've found that I can't read and I haven't enjoyed reading even though I appreciate it….. it sucks bc my mum has a BA in English (I think) and she's very much into writing and language, so she thinks I'm just being obtuse and not listening to her (being into technology rather thank books) when I just cannot read!! I've always felt that perhaps I am just being ignorant but I'm so glad I'm not the only aspie going through this!! I have to have music on a lot of the time, and I've started using it while going places. If it's silent, it has to be absolutely silent!! Also, my mum is into meditating and yoga and tells me I should do it too, but I think that even tho she knows abt my problem, she still doesn't understand it (neither do I)!

  21. So this! and yes, silence is deafening, enveloping, claustrophobic, unnatural, threatening. School was particularly bad at enforcing it – I'm lucky to work in an environment that is never silent (I'm a software developer in a large open-plan office).

  22. i hate silence too! I didn't realise that was a trait. I have been diagnosed today with ASD. can traits change throughout life? also can u do a video on your tattoo/future ideas for tattoos?

  23. Why don't you try reading out loud? Even gently whispering the words of the book, so no one can hear you. but you can hear yourself . Would that help with the problem of silence? It may also make it easier to stay focused, avoid minor distractions and easier retain the meaning and significance of what you are reading.

  24. I've kinda been on a journey lately. Im pretty sure I have tic disorder and maybe even Asperger's. and I think this video helps alot, because I have a really big problem with silence. also I have the same problem with reading, I can't read with silence, and silence bothers me so much. for a couple of years now, I've found that I can't go to sleep without some type of noise.

  25. Yes I hate silence! I haven't been diagnosed at all but sometimes I do wonder if I'm a Aspie. I also cringe at how velvet feels and how my clothes feel if I rub my hands on them.

  26. I've never been sure if it's Autism related or to one of my other issues (I'm also Bipolar)… but I always have music playing to keep my anxiety and moods under control. I do all sorts of things with music playing in the background. Like I am an author and I write to music, with music on. I'm glad that music doesn't keep me from focusing on reading. Interesting, the first comment I see beneath mine mentions classical music; classical music outside of TV/movie soundtracks during the show makes me anxious.

    And yeah, the whole "to relax" "to do yoga" "to meditate" etc- that's total garbage for me. My mind just speeds up to make up the difference… then my characters (yes, I'm a writer) start talking more, drawing pictures for me, I'll have racing thoughts above what I normally have. I actually found recently a yoga DVD series that really works for me- Cosmic Kids. I did it with a girl I babysit- we did a "yoga retelling of 'Frozen'" when she was home sick.

  27. I hate silence and am always watching a YouTube video.
    The good thing is that my building is quite noisy (besides out of the blue bangs) so this helps. There's always some TV on or someone having a conversation outside 👌👌

  28. I wouldn't say I hate silence. I do need music on most of the time and I find some sounds annoy me and need to be masked.

  29. I know plenty of people who aren't on the spectrum who have music or just some kind of noise in the background constantly. No idea why the people you spoke to find this weird.

  30. I like quiet but not silence. I have sleeping issues if my room is silent so I'll a lot of the time put on a fan so that I can have some kind of noise, but I also can't sleep if someone is watching a movie or talking in a room next to me

  31. I have anxiety and silence bothers me I almost always have headphones on or listening to something and when I read I like to listen to instrumental music like jazz or classical etc it really helps

  32. I am 36 and in the process of being diagnosed. I have always HATED silence. I love quiet relaxing time, (listening to wind chimes, sounds of nature etc) but absolute silence is so deafening. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate if I'm awake, and its just so horrible. Even right now as I'm writing this the birds are waking up outside, but as they are far away I still hear that silence screaming at me. I can hear my pulse throbbing in my ears. Anyway…. Yes I agree. Since is horrible. I am always listening to something. Music or movie, and as we have two kids and a fiance their everyday noises help with silence

  33. I always, always, ALWAYS need to AT LEAST have a fan running in the background when I'm doing anything, but especially when I'm sleeping. Thankfully, there are entire ambient/white noise channels on YouTube that are super helpful when I don't have access to a fan for whatever reason. Music is also good, though what type depends on my mood and/or the mood I anticipate the book I'm reading to have. Instrumentals are really good for reading (I personally can't focus very well when there are lyrics or when people are talking around me when I'm trying to read).

  34. I love silence, because I can hear everything. Although to be fair silence only exists in space. Birds singing, wind blowing electricity flowing, sound is always there.

  35. Loud places and crowds bug me plus quiet places too especially trying to sleep you hear everything it keeps me awake some times I leave the t.v on to take away the quiet !!!

  36. I like silence when I'm on my own but when with others I hate silence and view it as awkward or someone makes irritating noises (something as simple as someone breathing heavy can make me want to go insane lol) so I usually have headphones and listen to music, I find music helps me concentrate and block out noises from other people.

  37. I have ADHD and it feels like I have a 3-year-old in my brain that I have to distract with some form or media or he will be trying to get my attention.

  38. I know this is an old video but have you ever tried audio books? I used to read all the time but after suffering from a breakdown at work I can't concentrate enough to read and I've really been missing it. I decided to get the audible month free trial and I LOVE it. As for noise in general I'm one of the types who needs complete silence quite often or I get over stimulated

  39. In the yoga classes I took, the instructor played music (new age, easy listening types) and of course she was talking about the poses most of the time.
    Personally, I'm more of a sensory avoider, I think, so I Don't have as much of a problem with silence. But I'm not a fan of the noise level changing if I'm used to something…for example, if we have the fan on all night in the Summer, then it's really hard for me to get used to not having that sound when it gets too cold to use it in the Winter.

  40. have you tried reading outside or jazz music on low in the background? maybe outside could be better since you can hear the birds/traffic/etc but might not take away too much of your attention.

  41. Have you tried listening to an audio version of the book while you read it? I understand that you are practicing silent concentration but I have the same issue and I might try to do the audio book/paper book combo myself…hmm.

  42. I've not been diagnosed as autism yet however I do have anxiety and dislike silence extremely I absolutely did listen to you while cleaning. You have helped me tons from so far. An amazing inspiration. I look forward to your future video and watching all your current

  43. You could try reading with something really slow ambient stuff like "Dark Matter" by Lustmord (available on Spotify if you have). I just had it pop up in my playlist and I thought that it would be really good for work (I'm a programmer) and for reading as it's no lyrics, no real melody and mostly gradually changing sounds and noise; but still quite beautiful, though kind of haunting.
    Personally I can only read on the beach and on really long train rides or with non-distracting-music, because silence drives me mad as well.

  44. Wow this was so helpful. It sounds confusing but I identify with this and my son. I really appreciate your transparent videos! Thx

  45. My friend's sister has the same problem with not being able to read in silence and not liking silence… So her tutor suggested AUDIOBOOKS. I even tried it as well, cause I too find it hard to be in complete silence from time to time.

  46. I hate silence and wen am dealing with work and stuff in general i need music maybe not talking but totally music or i cannot cope wihout it ha

  47. I go through the same thing. Once in a great while I can get to that place where I can just be there, but usually I need something really visually stimulating or I need to be moving and doing something active that holds my attention.

    As for reading, I have noticed that I am having a hard time staying focused when I'm trying to read something without visual stimulation as well. I have noticed that i keep gravitating toward graphic novels and comic books more and more as time goes on. My favorite series right now is FBP (federal bureau of physics). The art is incredibly vivid.

  48. I absolutely hate silence too- I always need to hear some kind of sound, TV, music, etc. I completely understand what you are saying about reading. For falling asleep I would recommend listening to an audio book.

  49. I'm the same way, I have to have music playing or a YouTube video unless I'm talking to myself. I can only read when waiting for the bus because the traffic is loud enough to take over the silence but not distracting enough that I'm not able to read

  50. I hate too loud and crowded places, BUT I hate silence. I have quiet musics playing in the background. But when I have tip-off learn for school, I must listen to music without vocals.Dead silence was a torture-experience I had, therefore I need music or noise.
    When you like reading, did you try audiobooks? I do that more or less. It’s great.
    And yes, I have noises like melodies or nature- noises before and while falling asleeep, also melodies or audio stories (not only one reader, but more, like a movie, but someone explains what happens between the dialogues). And I’ve a nightlight that makes waves to calm me. I hate absolute darkness as well as dead silence for exactly the same reason.

  51. I forgot… I have some Qi-GongCDs. And there IS music! The goal here is also being mindful and in the middle of yourself. So both can go together. ☺️

  52. I hate when I get in the car with people who don’t listen to music, or they listen to it very softly.. and I feel awkward about listening to my music around those people.
    I’m from a large family and we always had music or noise in the house. Moving out was a big change, but music breaks the silence every time!
    I love how you ended this. Too cute. 😍

  53. I'm not diagnosed, but my therapist and new psychiatrist have mentioned I might be on the spectrum. The more I watch videos of aspies and other autistics, the more I think I should possibly seek a diagnosis. I literally had this on in the background while I'm trying to journal haha.

  54. I am sensitive to sound but I can't handle silence I at least need some background sound even if it is quiet I just can't think without it

  55. Sometimes I can only work without silence so if I read I can't have background sound white noise (it isn't a white noise machine)

  56. There are certain sound that induce sensory overload on contact, I hate silence also. sometimes it seems like I can make my own noise but don't anybody else make noise. It's not all the times just sometimes.

  57. I was diagnosed with ASD last year and have never realised that not liking silence was possibly an autistic thing. So I hate silence too. I have to have some kind of background noise. Total silence just makes me uncomfortable, especially when I’m trying to sleep, I can sleep in silence, it just takes me a lot longer to fall asleep. However, when reading, I need as close to silence as I can get because noise can be very distracting for me if I’m trying to focus on something like a book or filling out forms. I don’t know why but for some reason that’s just how it is for me. But I also them have trouble focusing on the book I am reading if there’s complete silence, I find the silence has gotten worse for me too as I’ve gotten older, like you so I can completely relate to what your saying. (I hope this makes sense). It sucks as I used to love to read as a child and in my teenage years but now I barely touch a book because of the not being comfortable with complete silence but then not being able to read with background noise

  58. So, I just got diagnosed with autism and I also have anxiety. I've always had a problem with silence. Like I sleep with a fan on even in the middle of winter because it helps me feel relaxed and allows me to go to sleep. I also always like watching vidoes or listening to music when I'm working. My mom has an issue with this becasue she thinks I'm only partially concentraiting on what I'm working on and that I won't do it well becasue of this.

  59. I don't have ASD but I have something playing in the background all the time. Except when trying to sleep. I like silence and complete darkness and cold to sleep.

  60. I would much rather have some sort of music/background "noise" than silence. Frustrates my wife in the morning as she feels that cuts off conversation. I'm not a morning person and need to focus on getting ready for work so if I turn the audible music off then random music starts playing in my head. Prolonged silence tends to result in my thoughts having gone down or through a few worm holes…

  61. I'm not diagnosed but have been wondering lately whether I might have at least a number of traits of ASD & have been watching a few of your videos to get more information. I did wonder about the silence thing though – you're right when you say that a lot of people think that people with ASD hate noise & that's never been my experience. Like you, I really dislike silence & have for years & people find that quite weird. Maybe being from London impacts it too as there's always some sort of noise & I often cite 'it's too quiet' as one reason that I hate the countryside! I do have some issues around anxiety though, so it may be that it's that which causes me to hate silence. Thanks for this video, it's given me food for thought. 🙂

  62. wow i thought i was just a weird autistic cuz i cant stand silence at all but i also cant stand things really loud.

  63. I hate exams and tests because they are quiet and I feel like I’m going to make a stupid noise so I usually don’t do as well of the test. I’m getting assessed for Autism in August.

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