My Aspergers Diagnosis Journey: Part 3 – Seeking Aspergers Diagnosis

– Okay, so welcome to part
three of my diagnosis journey. I have decided within my
own self that I’m sure that I’m on the spectrum, alright? I’ve found my tribe, I’ve found my people. It’s very, very clear to me. And the question now is
how do I go about getting an official diagnosis so that other people can be as sure as I am? So I did, took the first step,
which you do in Australia, which I went to my local doctor. And my GP referred me to a psychologist. I actually got a really
good recommendation from someone of an Asperger expert, who’s had a lot of experience
diagnosing especially adults. So I gave her a call
and their response was, I’m sorry, I’m busy, I’ve
got too many clients. You’re gonna have to see someone else. And she referred me on to a
friend, another colleague. And I wasn’t really happy with that, so I wrote back and said, look,
I’m not your typical Aspie. Which is funny in hindsight
’cause we probably all say that. But I said, I’m not your typical Aspie. I really need a highly intuitive Aspergers expert. I mean, I don’t have a
lot of the really typical Aspergers stuff. Like I don’t, I have no
anxiety issues, for example, which is something that’s quite common. So anyway, eventually, she
made the time to see me. And within about the first 30
seconds of meeting each other, she’d already handed me
something to fidget with and I sat down, and within
the first minute of so, it was, she basically said,
it’s really, really clear that you’re on the spectrum. There’s almost no doubt in my mind. And I was not happy with that at all. It was about as
off-putting as going to the Aspergers Victoria Support Group meeting and telling everyone that I
diagnosed myself yesterday on the internet and
not having them flinch, and having that be all that I
needed to get this diagnosis. So, I didn’t want a shortcut here. I wanted to come here to do
a really thorough examination and figure out once and for
all if I’m on the spectrum. And basically, I needed someone
to tell me I wasn’t crazy. (breathes deeply) Anyway so I eventually calmed down and we spoke more and more. And although I had spent
30 years not knowing that I was on the spectrum,
the more we talked and the more I said, ah, yes, that’s me. Ah, yes, I do that, too. Ah, I do this thing, and
she’s explaining how it all sort of fit together. It turns out it actually
was really obvious if you knew what you were looking for. So anyway, I was feeling a
little bit better about that. And by the time we got to
the end of the session, we started talking about next steps. And clearly, meeting a
psychologist for one session was not enough to get
an official diagnosis. And I actually felt really,
really good about that. I did not wanna any kind of shortcut here. So I was able to get a
preliminary diagnosis, which basically says,
look, I know we haven’t really done this very thoroughly yet, but I think if we did do the process, this would be the result. And we talked about what
would need to happen to keep going down that path. And it would take a lot more time and it would be thousands
and thousands of dollars. And I was actually advised against it for the main reason
that it wouldn’t really be of any benefit to me
because it’s not like I can get funding ’cause
I’m outside of the school and things like that. So I remember leaving her
office and the last thing she said to me was, “If
you ever get in trouble “with the law, let me
know and I’ll see if I, “see what I can do in terms of, you know, “fixing any misunderstanding.” And I remember, that
really hit me and I started to understand the
gravity of the situation. Because I’ve been pretty lucky in the past that I haven’t had any
major misunderstandings, but I can really see
how a tiny, little thing could get you in serious
trouble with the law. And it’s really just a misunderstanding. And it needs someone who knows
about autism or Aspergers to say, just calm down, take a step back. Don’t make this assumption,
he was probably doing this for this reason. It’s actually very logical,
it makes perfect sense, it’s just not what you were gonna do. So that’s a bit of a side story, I guess. But that really hit me at the time, the gravity of what a
diagnosis could mean. So anyway, now what? Right, I’ve seen a psychologist, I’ve confirmed I’m not crazy, what next? And this is the part
that I’ve actually been really hesitant to share publicly because I’m not really sure how
it’s gonna be received, how it’s gonna be received by people. And even just thinking about it now, I can feel the sort of anxiety sort of building up in my
chest and things like that. Because this diagnosis thing, it’s such a big thing for me personally. It was a life-changing
revelatory kind of moment. And it’s such a core
part of my identity now that I have built over the last
couple of years especially. I mean, for the last, after, you know, three years after that,
meeting that psychologist, I have met hundreds of
people on the spectrum, I have started this blog, I’ve gone around as a professional speaker
teaching people about autism, what it’s like to live as
person on the spectrum, how to leverage the strengths of autism, all of these kind of things. It’s not just the diagnosis,
it’s really who I am. And what I really love about
sharing my story like that is the feedback that I get from you guys. When I make a video and
I get people saying, yes, you understand me, I understand you. Finally, I found someone who gets me. And that’s the experience that I had at that very first support group meeting of finally meeting someone who
gets where I’m coming from. When I thought I was the
only one on the planet, it turns out I’m not the
only one on the planet. So despite all that,
there’s still something that I’m scared to say for this stupid, this stupid, irrational
fear that I will be rejected by the community that I love so much. And it’s so irrational because
the reality of the situation is I’ve never seen anything
other than the utmost acceptance from the autism community. But I guess from, in the rest of my life, I worry about when people challenge me and they, and I can’t prove to
them that I’m not crazy. So, anyway. So I’m clearly stalling. So the, I guess the, the very small thing that I was hesitant to say
is that I did not go through with that official diagnosis process. Which means I don’t have
an official diagnosis. I went to see a psychologist, I confirmed that I wasn’t crazy, I got a preliminary diagnosis, but I did not continue to get
that official piece of paper to validate my existence. And that is actually a really
hard concept to think about the possibility that in
some parts of the world, fortunately, I’ve never experienced this with any other autistic
people, but the idea that in some parts of the
world, I need a stranger to write me a certificate
to sort of rubber stamp my existence as a person,
that’s really hard. I’m actually really glad
that the term Aspergers is not an official diagnosis
anymore in the DSM-5 because that kind of means
that we can use that term as a way of referring to
ourselves and as an identity quite separate from any kind of technical medical definition. And I think that’s really important because the label, as I was saying before, was a really empowering label to say, yes, this is who I am. Yes, this helps me understand myself. This is a way that I can connect to others and show people that I’m not crazy. And probably the most
important part of the label is that it allows me, or it
helps me to find other people who understand me, right? It helps me to find my
tribe and my people, who also identify with
all of these things. And we just understand each other in a way that others just don’t, I guess. So anyway, that’s been my diagnosis story. Hopefully, that was interesting to you and answered some of the
questions that you had at the very start. I’ve realized recently that
I’m actually really terrible at saying goodbye. I just never really know
what exactly to say. But I think what I want to
say is a massive thank you to you for all of your
support, and for everyone who comments on my videos
and says, I can relate. Like it really helps me
to know that I’m not crazy when other people can
relate to my experiences and I know that I’m not the only one who goes through this kind of thing. So, yeah, massive thank
you to you for that. And yeah, it’s really amazing to be part of this little autism community. And there’s a huge potential for us to show the world what it can be like to be so radically
accepting of each other. Not let that term define us, but we can show the world
what it means to be autistic. And show the world the
capability of what people on the spectrum can do. So yeah, that’s really exciting. Anyway, I’m rambling again. So thanks for watching. I hope you’ve enjoyed this video. Stay tuned for more stuff. And yeah, I’ll see you another time. Okay, bye. If you liked this video,
please give it a thumbs up and hit subscribe for weekly
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I’ll see you another time.

100 thoughts on “My Aspergers Diagnosis Journey: Part 3 – Seeking Aspergers Diagnosis

  1. Yes, stop being irrational with any fear 🙂 because listen to my irrational thinking 🙂 … I actually would love to date an aspie engineer just because my son (8) was diagnosed as aspie and his special interest is construction/building/civil engineering. My son is honest to a fault so I feel aspies must be trustworthy. xx

  2. Paul you are not crazy. Thanks for all your videos. I can really relate to the things you talk about on a personal basis. I am a 53 year man, and last year I first became aware of Asperger's Syndrome. I had been searching for information on another topic, when I found a video on my topic of interest. The man in that video had Asperger's. From watching additional video of him and then going research on Asperger's syndrome, much to my surprise I then clearly saw myself being described in the traits of a person with Asperger's. For me to have an official diagnosis of Asperger's would be a relief for me and something to explain many reasons why things in my life were and are the way they were and are. I like you have struggled with wondering if I was crazy or insane. I didn't really think I was, but not fitting in with what so many people believe is normal lead me to question myself. I feel that I am very intelligent. I think I must process thoughts differently than most people. My reasoning and conclusions seem to go beyond neotypicals. They will say I complicate things. I think really that is their way of saying you are beyond me in your thinking, reasoning and intelligent, but I am not going to admit it. Instead I will talk down to you and make you feel dumb and crazy, while I make myself look wise and correct. This is so sad. It stresses me to face such. I have learned to often keep my thoughts and ideas to myself, especially since they are readily rejected anyway by neotypicals. I want to get an official diagnosis. Two years ago I became physically disabled due to physical medical health issues, and not able to do any type of work. I struggle with many things in just my basic daily life. It would be nice to be officially dianosised to have the peace of mind to explain why I did not fit in with others in school, work, college, relationships, church, families and other arenas in my life. Again thanks for such informative videos. -Rob [email protected]

  3. Not crazy. Found u recently. And so glad for your sharing and your ability to articulate the layers to this experience. Makes me feel less insane.

  4. What is that "In some parts of the world I need a stranger to write me a certificate to rubber-stamp my existence as a person" about? Are there parts of the world where autistic people don't have full civil rights? (I'm not sure what "to rubber-stamp" means in this context.)

  5. So many things you said, I'm like, me too! I'm 35 and was diagnosed 2 years ago and still cant believe my quirks have a name when grouped together. I haven't found a local adult group yet, but I haven't had the spoons required to finding one. I am following you now for sure!

  6. Paul, my diagnosis journey was VERY similar to yours. And, I made similar decisions as you, for similar reasons. Often, rather than explain to people that I'm an Aspie, I will say something like. "I have to do such-and-such this particular way because that is how I understand it best." When I do share, a common response is, "You don't seem autistic". Then after going in depth it is common for people to conclude, "Wow! That must be exhausting!"

  7. Did you have trouble comprehending what you read and do you think more clearly while you are moving? Thank you for sharing!

  8. Yeah, here's another who relates (it me). The frustrating thing about it all are the contradictions. Like so many other things in life, everyone acts as though there's rules and standards and no one complies with them. So you have people on the spectrum who are accepting and others who are angry that you would dare declare yourself without documentation… even knowing the cost and the typical journey that leads to it. No one who has reached this point could fail to recognize those steps… years of struggle culminating in finally finding a name for why you are this way. The attempts to be like other people finally leading to burnout again and again because you're forcing yourself to match something that isn't in your sphere and break when the pressure grows too great.

    But then you have the outside world that consistently won't accept that some people aren't like others and yet get upset when you try to put a name to the difference and suggest you're making excuses. No one will compromise, no one meets halfway. To them, compromise is you crawling halfway across broken glass so that they can declare it proof that you were always able to cross the glass, and demand you crawl the rest of the way to their side. Alternately, you have my mom and sister… having found the syndrome in our family, the recognized it in me and now instead of the annoyance they showed me growing up, they're almost insultingly accommodating. It's gone from "Why aren't you this way?" to "We were right, she's mentally challenged, don't upset her or she'll have an episode."

  9. My son has Asperger’s, and watching you having to bounce a ball and shrug your shoulders just to make this video is very enlightening. You most definitely, in my opinion, are on the spectrum. Thank you for sharing. My son fits into your tribe and from a young age he was misunderstood and ostracized for being different. So thank you for your transparency.

  10. Of course you’re not crazy…what’s crazy is anyone thinking a piece of paper is needed to “validate” another’s existence…

    Next time someone says price you’re not crazy, tell them – prove you are sane…

  11. I feel sure I'm an aspie. This video is comforting, because it gives me hope that I'm not just a weirdo but a person who could be worth something. Thank you.

  12. Thanks for sharing. I'm starting to realize I may have aspergers. I was going to get diagnosis, but I didn't realise how much it cost in Australia.

  13. I'm a 33-year-old mom of three in the US. Much of what you said about your early years echoes my experience. When my son was diagnosed with ASD at age five, I began to read and learn more about autism/asperger's. Throughout the process I kept questioning, because his behaviors didn't seem so atypical to me. It took me two years of learning before everything suddenly snapped into place. All the isolation and the social misunderstandings I had experienced finally made sense. When I mentioned to my husband, parents, and sister that I might be on the spectrum, they all agreed that it fit, and they brought up more instances from my childhood that I didn't even remember. I took the online quizzes and got a maybe. Then I started to meet other adult women on the spectrum and that left no doubt in my mind that I am autistic. I haven't pursued a formal diagnosis because, 1) it is difficult to find a doctor here who is qualified, 2) women are often under diagnosed or misdiagnosed, because much of the criteria was developed by studying boys, and 3) I'm not sure what the benefit would be, other than the legitimacy that you mentioned. It was much harder for me to accept that I am an aspie than it was to hear my son's diagnosis, because I love my son unconditionally but I'm very critical of myself. However after taking some time to learn more, I'm now proud of my identity as an aspie. I'm open about it with friends and family, although I'll sometimes couch it by saying something like, "I'm probably on the spectrum too," when I'm talking to someone judgmental. I may eventually seek out a formal diagnosis, because I wonder if it would help my son or my three-year-old daughter who was also just diagnosed. Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts. I'm new to your channel but I'd be interested to hear about specific struggles and strategies you've used to overcome them. My biggest problems are executive functioning issues and burnout.

  14. "I have no anxiety issues…."  Oh my!!  I almost fell out of my seat when you said that!  If only I could say the same!  I am so happy for you, definitely puts a smile on my face to think of an Aspie without the anxiety struggles.

  15. You are not crazy. You are an innovative person and that is what this world needs. I am glad that you have found a tribe. Take very seriously the offer of help, from the psychologist if you ever have to deal with the police. I know that she was probably thinking about a role, if you were accused or arrested for something, but I would seek her assistance if you are the victim of crime too. My house was broken into by my landlord and neighbours and the police actually supported them instead of me, refused to give me the incident number and cut me off, when I called to ask why they were allowed to get away with it. My family have lied to police saying that I am mentally ill, so anyone is allowed to treat me any way that they want and the police support them.

  16. I think you have scoliosis, your shirt is always tilted to one side.
    That's maybe why you have the shoulder twitch.

  17. Yes, you understand me! I understand you! Called a psychologist today, and fingers crossed that I'll be accepted. I 100% believe you and accept your diagnosis. Your story has been spot on like mine. I also know my family will back off if I have the "official paper". Looking into a psychologist instead of psychiatrist mainly because I want to TALK to the Dr and the Dr to actually know me not just pretend to. Also, my insurance covers neuropsychologists and I'd LOVE to see how my brain lights up

  18. "she handed me something to fidget with"
    my thought – hey I don't do the fidgeting thing, maybe I'm not so much of an aspie
    then I realised I've been playing with my rubiks cube the entire time and it's been my obsession for the last few months

  19. relatable. thanks for sharing. When I tell certain close friends, first response.."are you retarded"…errr, no. It means my ability to hyperfocus, call out bullshit and tend to be fidgety because I'm speedy in thoughts and need an anchor. those are brief obvious behaviors people view and label as ADHD and flighty. But, no. Im just an aspie.

  20. I'm self-diagnosed as an Aspie and I'm a Baby Boomer. Aspies in my generation fell through the cracks regarding diagnosis and we were often punished for being "different" and frequently referred to with the R-word, which was NOT fun! I'm unable to get a formal diagnosis because of the expense and the professionals are not interested in working with Baby Boomers.

  21. Great video series; thanks for sharing!!!! Your story, among others I've heard the past few years, is so encouraging to me that aspies like myself have some tools to use. I received what you referred to as a "preliminary" diagnosis as having Asperger's when I was 27 (over 25 years ago) and was told, "you've already developed the majority of your coping mechanisms for life so there's very little that anyone could do for you now"; … it was tremendously liberating to have a "label", but since I was told nothing more could be productively done I didn't search for anything. As far as I know, there were no support groups and society didn't recognize the "spectrum" then; now I often wonder if "plugging in" to any type of support structure would create more anxiety than just living my life the best I can without "support"…

  22. Dear Paul, thanks a lot for your videos, sharing your experience and life, it help me a lot! I`m at that time of diagnoses, I have done lots of tests in internet – every single test I got positive for autism – and watch videos like yours. Now, in a few days, I`m going to see a very expensive doctor to talk about and maybe confirm my self-diagnostic. lets see!
    cheers from Brasil!

  23. My son's are Aspie's and through them, I've realized that I possibly am too. I've never gotten an official diagnosis either, but I can completely relate in wanting that piece of paper to prove what I already know. My son's both have official diagnosis's, but that's because they're still in grade school and need the support. Thank you for sharing your experience. Even though I'm a self diagnosed Aspie, I'm a female Aspie, and have learned that sometimes, I have trouble understanding my son's because Aspie girls seem to socially adapt easier than boys. But getting your insight has helped me better understand my son's and it is truly helpful. Thank you!

  24. The rhythmic sound of the ball striking the ground breaks up your voice so beautifully, instead of the long droning sound of speaking.

  25. Thank you for making these videos. Sometimes it feels like trying to explain myself to the NT people in my life is just too overwhelming, like I am trying to walk through a door I just can't open. It helps me to watch your videos when I feel like this.

  26. Congratulations on finding who you genuinely are. Not that the term, or being an Aspie defines you as a whole person. But it's one of those important parts of a puzzle that helps so many other things make sense. Very happy for the unique and genuine you. You b u brother. 🌷🙂👍

  27. you don't need the official diagnosis. You can see it in the way you carry yourself when you're talking. the nervous twitch you do with your shoulder, and the fact it is hard for you to hold still when you are talking, clear indicators. I was recently diagnosed by a counselor but much like you, not officially "been through the testing" diagnosed. I have the same problem of people not believing me too. Being a female with the issue, it is harder to spot I guess with us, as we tend to "chameleon" when in social situations. We mimic those around us in an attempt to look "normal" so the diagnosis is often extremely delayed with women. for me… I lived 44 years before my counselor made that diagnosis. At first despite my suggesting it, I actually rejected it when she agreed with me. I have no idea why. Best I can say is I didn't want to be right. but eventually I accepted it. and believe I am far better off for it IMO. Because now I know that I wasn't just "being difficult" like everyone was accusing me of. I was just thinking a bit differently, because my brain is wired differently. for the last 3 years I have been trying to work with a government program to get work, but there aren't many typical jobs that aren't going to put me at a "meltdown" risk. the government refuses to view my diagnosis as in any way conflicting with the "get a job" goal, but for me… it conflicts with a lot of my triggers. I suggested a job I can do from home, as I do far better in an independent setting with my particular spectrum, and at first they laughed at me, and didn't take me seriously, but after many protests in my end, they finally set me up with an agency that helps people like me, start their own businesses. so… it's a start in the right direction at least. Also doing all this while trying to take care of a two year old by myself. lol

  28. I have recently decided to pursue a diagnosis of ASD1 or Aspergers as it used to be called. My impetus has been seeking a diagnosis for my daughter. What I struggled with was the atypical presentation that females on the spectrum tend to have and the masking aspects which hide a lot of the symptoms. As I researched the presentation of girls/women with Aspergers I found myself thinking….but that's me…that's my life and my previous diagnosis of ADHD, depression, anxiety and PTSD with OCD tendencies which explained some, but not all of the issues that I have been facing all my life suddenly made sense when you added in the Autism. It was a great sense of relief in a way, but also brought up a lot of emotional baggage that I have spent almost 2 decades trying to overcome as I saw everything in a new light. It also sent me into a panic to get my 3 year old the help she needs now because I was suicidal by the time I was 12 and I don't want that for her. After dealing with total despair at the length of the waiting lists using the public health system here in Australia my family has decided to help me pay for her diagnosis privately which is something I could never have afforded on my own. I will pursue my own diagnosis as much through the public system as I can because I feel that I can wait whereas my daughter can't. But I think an official diagnosis is necessary for me for a number of reasons. I want my daughter to know that she is not alone and that I understand what she is going through. I want to be available for her. At the moment she is very dependent on me. I can't put her into care for respite because of her meltdowns and behavioural issues. In the future though I feel that having myself diagnosed will help me to stay available by alleviating some of the pressures to return to work that I may face. I have always worked hard and have faced dire mental and physical health problems because of it. It has only been with a respite from it while being a SAHM that I realise how much of a struggle it was and how negatively it impacted on my well-being. Getting my own diagnosis may help me to get some assistance with finding employment that works with our family dynamics and my Aspergers, taking my daughter's needs into consideration. Thank you for sharing your story. I am at the beginning of mine and while I don't believe in "happy ever afters" I am hoping my story will be finding a way to bring everyone to a point where living with Aspergers doesn't impact our lives in a negative way.

  29. Very well done. I do identify, and it sounds like you're helping a lot of people. Looking forward to more of your videos.

  30. so overall goals of life and being special IE I do that but let me do it my way are you interested in some big problem to solve and what do you think about the acceptable outcomes that even failure is acceptable that the world can end and it can be not a bad thing
    so what you maybe doing can be setting the way for which ever script no evil just odds and big numbers

    and how is your moral calculator so far

  31. So this is a scary thing for me to type… I self diagnosed two days ago as aspie. Now what? How do you find groups or the best resources? Most of google led info seems to not be written from the aspie perspective, so feels pretty moot to me. Even just accepting this title to heart is terrifying right now, and I’m not sure how to shake that. Feel free to message me anyone with helpful info/advice. Thank you.

  32. Thank you for this video. I can easily doubt my diagnosis too and Was only verbally diagnosed by my psychiatrist because I told him I always stare at people but look away when they look back at me.. I came to the psychiatrist because my doctor believed I had a mild ADHD diagnosis because I forgot my appointments and other things outside my normal rutines… so in the end I were told I had both ADHD and Aspergers but no tests or other questions on Aspergers.. but he told me to go home and do my own research and confirm it on my own… so the test scored Half Way positive, and many symptoms are a lot like many ADHD symptoms and this uncertainty is annoying and I can’t find a Way to separate the two even after 6 years… and also it is so frustrating that allmost everybody in my comunity don’t get how this affects me in life and believe It’s comforting if they deny my Aspergers and assure me that I am perfectly normal and I just need to believe in myself more… sory if I make spelling mistakes.. I am Danish 🙂

  33. Thank you so much for doing this channel. I was recently diagnosed myself and my friend is waiting for her appointment so this is really helping. Bless you and please do not stop your good work. Jono and Dee. Brighton UK

  34. Thank you so much for doing this channel. I was recently diagnosed myself and my friend is waiting for her appointment so this is really helping. Bless you and please do not stop your good work. Jono and Dee. Brighton UK

  35. I believe I am on the spectrum. I was just released from prison 15 months ago and it was all a misunderstanding. My latest obsession if youd like to call it that is researching everything related to ASD. I am on it. I know it. I must get a diagnosis too because I have a hard time being understood in society. I always knew there was something wrong with me. Doctors told me it was OCD, social anxiety disorder, Agorophobia, general anxiety disorder ect. I was great and excelled in higher maths in college but didnt quite finish my degree because of anxiety or whatever issues. I am in school again now trying to pursue my passions and goals of learning and am determined to figure out how to be sucessful. That first starts with figuring out what keeps tripping me up. I just happen to read something about Autism and read a little bit more. Then it clicked. When I get my diagnosis I wonder how that would effect or if it would effect my conviction. Also I dont have my mother around for the doctors to question about how I was when I was a child. I am not sure how this diagnosis will go. I am sure but I need to be absolutley sure because I can be a self doubter without absolution. Honestly the reason I was arrested and went to prison was completly confusing to me but I was treated like I was lieing or something the entire time. Anyway Its a long story. Thanks for your video. I will follow through until the end. Until I am accuratly diagnosed.

  36. This video sums up, literally, ALL of my feelings about getting a diagnosis. It also helps me understand why I feel so anxious about pursuing a diagnosis for my daughter. I'm so used to not being believed.

  37. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. You've helped me realize that I'm not broken, just different. And there are others like me.

  38. I have been on the line between am I autistic, am I not? For more than 2 years now. I have talked to aspies online and joined groups online. I was able to relate to them but there were always those points where aspies have issues with but I don't. After seeing your diagnosis videos, I can 100% relate to you. I never had an issue making friends, I socialize well, my anxiety wasn't there until very recently because of very specific factors happening rn in my life.

    I have definitely been called crazy and doctors don't like me because I ask too many questions. You are not alone.

  39. Your story is a lot like mine, but when I was first diagnosed I tried to tell a couple friends about it and they refused to believe me. Fortunately, two of my friends are dating people who work with special needs kids and after meeting me they told my friends what to look for and how to handle certain situations with me and now hanging out with these friends is a lot easier. I use to have a hard time knowing when it was okay to leave a group get together but now when it starts to get too late, or the meeting is over, my friends started telling me "it's bed time" or "I need to wind down for the day" and it may not sound like much, but I need this kind of input so I know I'm not being rude if I choose to leave

  40. Don’t let ppl get in your head about being crazy. I think I have always been proud of my unique ability to see things differently from mainstream. And you can not afford to dwell on other people’s opinions of you ! That in itself will drive you crazy. I know I’ve tried to do this once . But setting boundaries for yourself and treating yourself with respect I found others started to take me more serious. What you will ad won’t accept in friendships and relationships. And to hold back too, took a whole life to learn though.

  41. I am from Belgium. I speech Dutch. I was happy to see en hear about my own disorder. The man shows me what he does with his schoulders. I do that also!!!
    I onderstand what he does and tels, i totally understand. I finally find somebody like me.
    I feel so good!!!!
    Thank YOU!!! I LOVE IT!!
    SASKIA Belgium

  42. You made me so nervous in the buildup to your big reveal! Such a non-issue! Self-diagnosis is valid until the world catches up.

  43. This guy is a poser. He says he's not your typical aspie because for one thing he doesn't have anxiety issues yet at 5:28 in the video he discusses his anxiety…. he goes on and on repeating himself. Just wanted attention?? What do youthink,?

  44. Hi ive enjoyed learning through your videos and your genuine honesty. My son 12 was just diagnosed of aspergers and I now think my partner is too . I am struggling and really appreciate all the support I can get. I live on a little island in Asia where we dont have support groups etc. Can you please help me. I want to help my son who is struggling and need help as I have severly struggled in my marriage to an Aspie . +94718698084 is my whatsapp contact number.

  45. Thanks, I'm not on the spectrum so didn't watch this to find myself, but I am so pleased to hear your story to learn and understand a little more

  46. Very interesting story. I've had similar conflicts and don't have an official diagnosis, but now I'm more than certain of my autism and on the waiting list.

  47. Is funny that I see in you so many aspects I see in myself when I’m around people I trust, as growing up I kind of learned how to mimic other people behaviour so I don’t stands out from anyone else

  48. Thanks so much for your videos! I have an eight year old grandson and a six year old granddaughter who we're sure are on the spectrum. The difficulty is having a 9-12 month waiting list to see a doctor to do any testing. It's comforting to see how well you're doing and to know that my grandkids can have a good life. We all just need to learn how to do life together. God bless you! Keep up the good work! 🙂

  49. Thank you for sharing! Always insightful. I love the full acceptance in the community. Such a blessing and a beacon for us all, spectrum or not. 💞

  50. When I went for my diagnosis the clinical psychologist started by saying that he probably wouldn't give a diagnosis there and then – within ten minutes he was certain that I did have autism and by the end he was discussing at which level of severity I should be assessed (he subsequently decided I was at Level 2). He also told my wife that she had been acting as my key support/carer for the past 30 years!!

  51. Myself, I think the official diagnosis is critical. I mean, for some people, when it's more than obvious, perhaps it is not very useful to get one. But for people like us who are less obviously autistic, it has its value. I am the type of person who, when something is highly important, I will beat that issue to death before I move on. I am currently arranging diagnosis, which will confirm my suspicions (I hope). I have felt tossed side to side throughout this journey of discovering autism because the traits I don't have (or don't have as significantly) make me wonder whether I truly am on the spectrum, while at the same time, other traits of mine just scream autism. So I feel a need to have these complexities worked out.

  52. Thank you for these videos. I am the parent of an amazing 28 year old young man who may be an aspie. I see a lot of him in you and helps me to understand him better.

  53. Thank you. I am almost 30 and your, "rejection is the story of…" video made me cry.
    Also, Your dx/journey videos, really helped me pull out of a nose dive. This is probably going to be the first and only comment I will make on youtube…. mostly cause I am positive someone I know might read this 🙈

  54. How is your relationship with your partner….do you pick up on her needs…I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE MY HUSBAND MIGHT BE ASPIE

  55. I have noticed that there is a huge shortage of people whom understand nuance. Everything to them is in black or white, yes or no. Nothing is complicated to them because they lack perspective. So in the case of a diagnosis, such as Asperger’s, people may not accept a diagnosis if it is not as described in a book or infomercial. Either it’s the same as they see it or it’s not there.

  56. I really felt that I had to get a diagnosis. I had gotten really good at masking, so it was hard for me to even tell. But I put that aside for some time and started to get therapy for my newly diagnosed ADHD and dysthymia (I did not get diagnosed until I was 21). My therapist figured it out within only a couple of sessions and that was really validating and comforting for me. I do worry that the official diagnosis could be used against me, but it has been very useful to me in providing me the comfort and truth that I needed. I do, however, completely support self-diagnosis when it comes to autism/aspergers. I think that we should support each other and accept that people know themselves well enough to see autism/aspergers within themselves.

  57. There is now no doubt in my mind that I am an Aspie I am 53. One reason it has taken this long realise is that my brother was autistic to the point of being institutionalised. That made me the normal one right? The other reason is that is quite possible most of my immediate family are also on the spectrum, so again it's "normal" in my family.

  58. 4:48
    >That's a bit of a side story, I guess,…

    MORE I want to hear that story, PLEASE. The one about police to English translate segment.

  59. Thank you so much for doing this. I know it wasn't easy. But it is so very appreciated. Also just wanted to say, in my opinion, you don't need a formal diagnosis to validate your identity. There is no one else, no matter how qualified that can know you more than you know yourself. If you say you are an aspie, than that is who you are 😊

  60. Sorry, but it is obvious you have Aspergers, although you say in several places that you can't tell from the outside:). I did get a diagnosis, although I had self-diagnosed after my son got his diagnosis. Being female, it took a little longer, as I wanted a female-specific Aspie psychologist. And YES! I can't say good bye either. I used to hang around at the children's school events forever (the only social outing I ever really had) as I didn't know how to leave politely. And you have to be polite!

  61. How do I as a mother who invested so much in her ‘normal ‘son’s life while pushing all those aspie things to the side now face my son and convince him there is a serious issue and I think it’s high functioning Aspergers. At 35 he now has to take the info on board and do something. But he won’t and I can’t make him. It’s a pity because like you say you find your tribe and he hasn’t to this date.

  62. I really enjoyed your story and i had kind of a similar experience. I’m 63 and I’ve always had a problem reading and did not do great in school except for art. I always thought I just wasn’t very smart. I had a problem reading and comprehending what I read and my spelling was always terrible. The only thing I was good at was art. Two years ago I saw a documentary on dyslexia. It was like for the first time I could validate that I wasn’t stupid. A lot of what the children and adults were saying in this documentary was like they were talking about me. So although we are different in are syndromes I know what it’s like to finally find out why. When I was a kid there was no dyslexia to be tested for. You were just considered “slow”. I feel better knowing why I always had a hard time.

  63. What you think of Neanderthals and Autism? related to interbreedig, and how its shaped the world?..How traits of Neanderthal re simmilar to Autism, and how many cousin related marriages produce Autistic children?.. We could be next stage of Human evolution. We must look into this theory. World and society is based on mixing, if u look at areas of high Neanderthal DNA there is lot of Autism traits, and when Vikings who were not Neanderthal mixed with Europeans they became powerful socially and intellectually, and hence why world is the way it is today, because of Autism and interbreeding. The more u mix the more u increase IQ and social communications right? so it started since Neanderthal/Denovisians and Homo-Sapiens mixing. Africans spoke different languages and had tribes right? so the cultures, countries we have today are based on Homo-Sapien influence and Neanderthal influence is in the technological, medical, scientific field. You agree? We must look into this.

  64. I find it so frustrating that anyone on the spectrum feels the need for validation e.g. an official "diagnosis", some confirmation or proof that we're not crazy etc. ,
    but for who?
    The NTs who will never get it fully anyway.
    With or without slip they look at us with suspicion.
    So much so that we even have a hard time enjoying the acceptance and appreciation of our own tribe!!

    Sick and tried of these prejudiced little boxes and their labels!!

    Thank you for all you do for this community Paul, and all the best to you!!

  65. I really enjoy your videos! I learned at nearly 51 that I was likely an Aspie. Now at 53 I've requested formal assessment and more appropriate assistance. It's helped me put SO many things in perspective and I joined a great FB group. I often wonder whether you might have some motor tics as well, like with Tourette's syndrome? I love all things medical, science has always been one of my special interest areas

  66. Sometimes you don't need a diagnosis as such. I think that when you have the suspicion for yourself it is more important to know that what happens to you is something "normal". You learn your "flaws" and have more tools to explain to the important people in your life but above all to yourself. My partner has the suspicion that he is Aspie and looking for information I have found you and of course you have opened a window. Thank you very much and go on to be yourself..

  67. There’s an official piece of paper for Autism diagnostic in other parts of the world like in Australia?! Fascinating. Not in Canada though or at least not through a diagnosis made here through a spychologist. I got diagnosed in early July with High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s at 40 through a psychologist similar to your story. Makes so much sense of my life. And it’s such a relief to hear there are more people like us around the world. Thanks for making these very insightful videos! They inspire us in making more sense of ourselves and our relationship with the world. Ps… I very much miss my old routines of 8-9 years ago of running every day in the Royal Botanical Gardens in Melbourne and going to the Toorak/South Yarra Library. Those are good places to enjoy the silence and wildlife whenever you can. So peaceful.

  68. Hi Paul,
    I am a 57 Yr old woman who thinks that I have Aspergers for the last 15 yrs now. Interesting that I have a 16 Yr old niece that has been diagnosed recently. Wish friends would believe me!! I get so lost and bored by small talk. Concerned I may be mislabelled with the wrong diagnosis…… Really relate to you, thank you for these videos. Why should you have someone label you? (unless you were someone who needed benefits ETC) NT S don't get labelled on the myer briggs scale do they?

  69. Even your bouncing of the tennis ball all through this 3-part series was a deeply relaxing aspect of your talk right from the git go. I hadn't expected that addition to your presentation on your part and I was happily surprised at my reaction to it on mine. It was just a lovely tension reliever as much for me as for you, I believe. I too have a need to stay in motion, or fidget, as you put it, to help me stay focused. I trained as a "graphics engineer," as they called it back then – which was just a $50 dollar title for a draftsman (I had to laugh at your connection with that also) and found that I just couldn't spend 8-10 hours a day "chained" to a massive drawing table with very little opportunity to move around. (I ultimately spent my career delivery packages for UPS and loved it!) So thank you for your insightful presentation. I'm going to take your advice and look up any aspie support groups in my area and see where things might go from there. I too have big problems with how to wrap things up, or say goodbye, so I'll just say "peace brother" and thanks again from a like-minded, albeit much older, soul in America.

  70. Paul, I'm glad you found a accepting, supportive group. I have an adopted granddaughter I have thought might be on the spectrum, but she was diagnosed with attachment disorder. She was the third child of her mother, who's other 2 kids had been taken from her, and she was slated to be taken away before she was born, so she was in a series of foster homes before my daughter adopted her at age 3 1/2 yrs. So I guess her diagnosis is understandable. You've done a great job of describing that the way you look to others is not the way you "feel inside." Best of good luck to you.

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