Marty Thinks Kieren Worships Elliot Rodger! – The Marty Program (Season 1, Episode 2)


(ping pong balls bouncing) (cheering) – [Benji] The gay
community have no rights! – [Jack] No, you gotta bleep that out. – You can’t say that stuff. – [Benji] I can say that stuff. – You can’t say that stuff. – [Benji] “Can”. – This guys, this episode is
a really ombre episode okay. – [Benji] You keep saying
that but I still don’t think you know what it means. – Ombre, S-O-M-B-R-E. – [Benji] Isn’t that that Rihanna song? ♪ Under my umbrella ♪ – No, ombre. – [Benji] Sombre from… – S-O-M-B-R-E. Anyway, this is a sad episode. You know our friend Kieren? – [Benji] Yeah he’s a crack head. – Yeah, the crowd’s suppose to go “Yeah!” – [Benji] Ahh, yeah! He’s a crack addict. – I have reason to believe he’s an incel. – [Benji] Aren’t you an incel? – No. – [Benji] But I thought I caught you looking up Elliot Rodger. – I wasn’t looking him
up I was just seeing what was going on because… – [Benji] You subscribed
to his YouTube channel. – Look, he’s gone now,
for better or for worse. – [Benji] I think it’s for worse. Anyway, look, look,
let’s just bring him in and we’ll discuss, okay? – [Jack] Elliot Rodger, we’re
bringing Elliot Rodger in? – No, Kieren. Kieren, just get in the… What’s with the dance? Okay guys, this is Kieren. You all know him. – [Crew] Hey Kieren. – Oh hi. – [Benji] Hi Kieren. – [Jack] Hi Kieren. – We have reason to believe
that you are an incel. – I have reason to believe
that you’re a retard. – I’m not a retard. – [Benji] I’ve seen the test, you are. – Incel stands for, as
you know, incelibate. – [Jack] I’m sorry, what? – Incelibate. – What? – [Benji] Incelebrint? – What’s incelibate stand
for, incel stand for? – Involuntary celibant. – Yeah, incelibalate. Anyway, so, which we all know is somebody who, you know, they want woman
but they can’t have them, unlike me. – [Benji] You’re right, you only get men. – You think that Elliot Rodger is your lord and saviour, correct? – No. – Well if I look right here at https://elliotrodgerismylordandsavior.tumblr.com – Yeah. – There is a lot of things
here that make me think that you are an incel. Look, this is your first
ever blog post you put up on elliotrodgerismylordandsavior.tumblr.com,
okay. – Yeah. – It’s entitled, women. Elliot once had an encounter with a girl who he said hi to and she kept walking. When he said, “That foul bitch,
I felt so humiliated that “I went to one of the school bathrooms, “locked myself in a toilet
stall, and cried for an hour.” I felt that. – Yeah that sounds like
something you would tweet. – Let me continue what you
wrote in this blog post. Women always walk past me
when I see them on the street, they never stop to ask me about my day or ask me why I smell so good. It’s Head and Shoulders shampoo, the new strawberries and cream flavour. Which is like, I can tell
strawberries and cream, I can smell it in your hair. But do they ever know that? No, because women only care
about themselves and Chads, never a gentleman like me. And you, on several occasions, called yourself a gentleman, correct? A supreme gentleman if
you ask me, correct? – No, I’ve never done that. – Do you remember that time? – [Benji] I’ve never heard… – We went to McDonald’s. – This isn’t even my blog. – This is your blog, look. – No it’s not. – Remember that time after the
shoot, we went to McDonald’s and you said, “Hi, I’m
a Supreme Gentleman, “Can I please have a large
Big Mac meal with a-” – [Benji] That was you. – That was not me. – [Jack] Yeah, no it was you. – [Benji] We put six packets
of salt in your coffee. – [Jack] I remember that day. – And you were salty about it. – Next blog post, this is what
you put on a few weeks later. – But it’s not me. – Look, it is you, listen, you wrote, Elliot was right
when he said sex is an evil and barbaric act. And you continued saying,
why should people have sex? To make babies? We are overpopulated as it is. For fun? World of Warcraft and Pepsi
Max is my idea of fun. See, look, I already know that
you play World of Warcraft and you drink a lot of Pepsi Max. – I don’t drink Pepsi Max. – What do you drink then? – Why would I need
caffeine, I’ve got crack. – [Benji] That is a good point. – Okay look, you also said, “But sex? “Sex should be outlawed, simply
because us supreme beings “cannot have it.” Elliot said, “If I can’t
have it, I will destroy it.” And not destroy pussy, because
they defeats the purpose. I mean that we should kill all women. This is exactly what you
wrote in your blog post. And I’ll say it again. – No it’s not. – I mean that we should kill all women. – No. – Why do you want to kill all women? – I don’t? – Guys, do you not believe that… Look he is right here and it
says Kieren in the credits, see right there. No, don’t look, you’re
not allowed to read. – Why? – Because you’re not allowed to. – You’re accusing me of
something, I should at least be able to see the evidence. – No look, you all know about Leroy, right? – [Jack] Who the fuck’s Leroy? – Okay look, this was your
next post that you wrote, a few weeks later, it’s called Leroy. My cousin Leroy had sex
with my crush again. How could an inferior,
ugly black boy be able to get a white girl and not me? I am descended from Polish aristocracy, he is descended from some
Biggie Smalls wannabee and his trash whore girlfriend. Fuck I hate Leroy. See we know you don’t
like your cousin Leroy. – I don’t have a cousin Leroy. – Yes, you do. – I don’t have a cousin Leroy. – Remember that time we went
to McDonald’s and he said, “Hi, I’m a supreme gentleman, “can I have a large Big Mac meal.” On the other side of the
register black man, Leroy, your cousin, correct? – [Benji] No. – You guys were there, Jack can you vouch? – [Jack] Ah, I remember McDonald’s. – Leroy. – I remember you drinking
salty ass coffee. – [Jack] I just don’t remember a Leroy. – You then, put another blog
post out, a few days later, – Leroy came over again today
while my step-mum was home. I heard him having sex with
her when I was watching MASH. Fuck I hate it when my
MASH gets interrupted. I heard the sounds of
Leroy plunging his penis into my step-mum’s vagina
through her closed door room, along with her moans. I stood there and listened to it all. Every moan, every squeal, everything. This is… – That’s an Elliot quote. – No it’s not. – You just changed it, you’re
just trying to frame me. – That’s not what I’m doing. – You’re trying to get content out of me. – I’m not trying to get any content. – That’s what you’re doing. – This is, it clearly says right here, Leroy, your cousin, black guy. – [Benji] How do you have a
black cousin when he’s white. – Remember you have like a black cousin, Leroy, that’s who we’re talking about. – [Benji] You just said he
descends from Polish originally. – Yeah, yeah but look. – How do I have a black cousin? – Somewhere in there the segregation just got, like, forgotten about and then there was a black
and white relationship in there, okay? – [Benji] This is why
we do have segregation, so shit like this doesn’t happen. – Yeah, segregate people like Marty away. – Can we segregate
Marty away from society? – Look, I am a good person. – No, you’re not. – I am good person. – You’re a sociopath. You constantly abuse us. – [Benji] Sexually. – Sexually, Brad fucking
is in therapy everyday. – He’s not. – He is. – That’s a lie. – No, it’s not. – He’s just doing it for his own… I don’t know, he’s doing it something. You put another one that said, look, I don’t think that Elliot was
a racist, I just think he knew that white was right. – I, why would I say that? If I have a black cousin,
why would I have a problem with black people? – Because you have this on private. What? – [Benji] He’s got black in
his family, why would he… – Yeah but the thing you said,
you said before and I quote, “I fucking hate Leroy.” For being black… – [Jack] Doesn’t mean he hates black. – For fucking your crush. – Look… – Which I don’t even have a black cousin. – Yes, you do. Okay look, let me move onto the next one. – I’m not even Polish. – This one’s entitled, Asian. Elliot said “Full Asian men
are disgustingly ugly and white girls would never go for you.” And you continued saying…
I saw an Asian at McDonald’s try to hit on the white
girl at the counter. He kept trying to talk to
her, so I went up to him and dragged him out of the
store, tossed him onto the curb and said, in quotations and capitalization, “WHITE IS RIGHT.” I was in a jail cell for like 12 hours until dad busted me out. Now that’s what I call
a litty Saturday night. This is exactly what you
posted about two weeks ago. – That is a hate crime. – Exactly. – I would’ve been in prison
and caught for longer. – No but your dad paid them off. Your dad is. – No, that’s not how that works. – Kieren’s dad is, Elon Musk. – But, no. – [Benji] What the fuck? – [Jack] What? – You are completely making this up, you’re trying to get content – Kieren’s dad is, dot dot dot, Elon fucking Musk. – You’re making this up. – If you remember correctly,
Elon Musk is your dad. – [Benji] So why doesn’t
Kieren drive a Tesla? – Because. – ‘Cause, Tesla’s are shit. Fuck Tesla. – And your mom’s called Ellen Musk. – No. – [Benji] Ellen’s a lesbian. – Kieren Musk. – Yeah, Ellen DeGeneres is gay. – Elliot’s roommate
once stole his candles, so he called the cops and
performed a citizen’s arrest. He continued to say, My
seven-year-old sister stole my iPad so I did the same. She dislocated her shoulder and now I’m grounded for like six weeks. – I don’t have a sister. – Yes you do. – I don’t. – You do. – I don’t fucking have an iPad. – [Benji] Kieren’s an orphan. – Her name is Ellen Musk. – You’re not an orphan. – Yes I am. – No you’re not, proof? – Wait, my sister’s name’s Ellen Musk? – Ellen Musk Jr., your dad’s Elon. – [Benji] Women don’t have Juniors. – Yes they do. – [Benji] No they don’t. – [Benji] They do in my wives. I don’t know why you’re all laughing. – I think that’s the problem,
I think you’re the incel. – Okay, look, I don’t think it’s true. I’m not an incel. – Yes you are. – I love not liking women. Sorry, I mean, I love… You had one more post here and it says. – No I didn’t. – Elliot Rodger was a modern
day performance artist, mixing culture and art in an
attempt to change the world. You posted that. – I didn’t. – Six minutes ago. – [Benji] How? We’ve
been recording for 12. – See he uses this social
media scheduling thing. Have you heard of it? It’s called Buffer. It’s where you schedule
your social media posts. – No. – You’re just trying to put me off. I’ve given you all the proof I have. And do you got to say for yourself? – I’m not an incel. – Yes you do. See look, I’ve got this
right here, look, guys. What do you think? – [Benji] Isn’t that your fedora and hat? That’s not my fedora and hat. These aren’t mine. – [Jack] He doesn’t even
know how to hold it properly. – Look you hold it like this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no more Kurt Cobain stuff. – [Benji] I don’t think he’s
incel, I think he’s suicidal. – Look, look, look. – Oh, in your mouth? – No, no, no. Just admit it, you love Elliot Rodger. – [Benji] That’s an incel right there. – He’s got a neck beard
going and everything. – I just want to be looking nice. – [Jack] Hang on, I think
he might be the incel. – Look and see who the blog belongs to. – You’re not going to find anything. – [Benji] Are you sure about that? – No, I’m actually not sure. – [Jack] Well, I mean,
savior’s spelt wrong. And Kieren has Masters Degree in English so I doubt it would be him. – Look, there’s no way you
can prove that this is me. – [Jack] I’m going to message
the Tumblr blog and just see, see who it is. – I’m sorry, I didn’t
hear that, what was that? – [Jack] You can message Tumblr blogs. – I just want you to, look, can you put down the phone for me? It’s actually very, very rude
that you’re interrupting this. – You sat on your phone
for this entire episode. – No, I didn’t. – Yes, you did. – Look, what I’m trying to say is, look, people you should try be like
more, talk to your friends in person don’t go on your phone. – [Jack] His phone’s going off. – No it’s not. No it’s not. – Yes it is. – Okay, okay, okay. I framed your for content. – Yes, that’s what I’ve said. You do shit like this all the time. – [Jack] He looks exactly
like an incel right now. – Look at, look how angry he is. Look how sweaty he is. – [Benji] Are we all
forgetting that he owns a gun? – No I don’t. Guys, okay look, I shouldn’t
of framed anybody for content I just wish, that women… – Women would fuck me. – I just wish. – Look at this little bitch. – I just wish women
would want to have sex. – [Jack] Has this pussy
ever heard of a brothel? – Do you want us to pay for a prostitute? – [Benji] Prostitution is a thing. – That’s expensive. – [Jack] No it’s not. – How much is brothel? – I don’t know, it depends. – Maybe you should- – [Benji] Bigger chicks cost more. – [Jack] And if they’ve got… – [Benji] They kind of
add dollars to the pounds. – [Jack] If they have an
STI they’re pretty cheap. – [Benji] Almost free
actually if it’s aids. – But I like chunk. (laughing) – Okay, we’ll get you a chunky lady. – I like chunk, can you carry me there? – Okay. – All three of you at the same time. I want to get a chunky. I want to get a chunky girl. (gentle piano music) – I want to get… Ahh, this feels like I’m
in a brothel already. (laughing)

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