Was I I got on my knees I get on my knees telling God that I didn’t want to I didn’t want to lose his baby I didn’t want them to take this baby too. And Please help me Please help me to Not use no more. So when the time comes I know it’s close for me to have this, baby Then I can go to the hospital and I went after chance, you know My baby died or anything and being accused of murdering thing and I got on my knees And I prayed on that beard I said, please cry Please lose my head not smile other kids Didn’t use even though they was using in the front room for those next five or six days before my baby came I didn’t use anything like all that this guy bring me alcohol to be it everything cuz I was real sick and He bought me I called his bed, but I didn’t use no drugs God sustained me out using I told that if you do this for me, I wouldn’t use again I would not use again. If you just don’t let him take my baby My kids At a very when I was very young I had to be about I Can remember fires back it’s being about seven years old when I first Had my spiritual awakening of God I Had went to the store and I had stole something from the store and My mother we uh, we had got called me and my sisters and brothers. We got caught in the store the guy that owned the store Called my mother and let her know that we had got caught stealing and I came back And my mother was getting the bell or the switch together Whatever you want to call it and saying that she was gonna whoop us forward and I went outside and I looked up to the sky and this was my very first conscious contact was really knowing anything about God and Something within me. Just see it God please if you up there show me that you are caring God I forgive me for going through that story and stealing and Automatically, my mother forgot about giving me that spanking and ever since then I had this, you know just this awakening that it was a god but never really knowing God and my mother she didn’t used to send us to church, but we would Take the little money that she gave us when the armed women came and picked us up two beautiful Caucasian women would come pick us up every Sunday for church and we had a little understanding of God because my mother did sent us but As time went on my father. He was always away working and He my father was alcoholic. This is the point. I want to get to my father was an alcoholic and Him and my mother they really didn’t attend church and none like that. So we really didn’t have a fool background of going to church or no knowledge of God or You know God and people like my father was an alcoholic and he shared that with me He used to give me a corner out of his bottle after he would drink it All he was share calling me man. My father had a great relationship and he shared that with me I can’t fault my father for that because he was alcoholic. He had really no knowledge of understanding what he was doing and When I was about 11 years old, I started my smoking addiction and my father also Enabled me in that by not letting me smoke at school But he would give me a cigarette every morning and tell me not to smoke at school and different things My father was one of the best men’s that ever lived but he had this addiction these addictions and as Life went on for me as being as I called our average black ghetto child raised in the center of the ghetto things just different things just started to Come forth in my life first. It was the alcohol then it was the cigarettes then it was the One to leave home and not listen to my parents and stay in school then it was the guys, you know at a very young age and then came the babies and I’ma start right here where I Remember after my oldest child was born She she was born legally mentally retarded because I decided that I was gonna try to take some Humphrey Elevens, I was only 13 going on 14 years old to get rid of my baby and It didn’t work and my baby was born that she was born today. And you know, she don’t mind me sharing this story and I Was 13 years old. I was drinking I was Trying acid with my older brothers or sisters and I Was going out to the bar, you know, I was I was liking all the stuff that you know Satan had to offer me and I ran into a guy that I really liked it and he was into the ivy using and I Was a little heavy then I think I was what maybe? 14 15 or 6 ten and fourteen make about 15 and he introduced me to Pollutants some called for loom said if I take these that I could get thinner and later on. I tried that and later on introduced me to the IV way and I liked this guy and I liked to being with him and I Let him put that needle in my arm, like I I can remember this I can remember him you’re saying it’s not gonna hurt or anything like that and I let him put it in my arm and At the same time he was feeding me valiums to put me to sleep to keep me sleep while she went out in her so then as time went on My disease came more severe because I had the alcohol there I had the cigarettes and now and I had the needle that he was giving me in the pills every now and again and the acid that made my brother head and you know, all that was just becoming overwhelming and I was only about what seventeen at this time when all this started progressing and I was like going to though I like going to the bars and just doing all the simple things of the world and it seemed like Dennis after Dennis had went to prison he did go to prison and I Had him no longer to put the needle in my arm So I had to seek it for myself and I did it I can’t believe you know, after watching all the movies on TV and stuff I could do this myself But I had the courage to put that needle in my arm myself and you know, that’s when you know Just the living hell broke out When I put that needle in my arm myself My check that I was getting every month from exercise for my father My father had passed, you know, it was disappearing and I needed to feed that addiction and Dennis was gone and I Turned to my family. I turned to my older sisters and I introduced this to them you know, I told him it was a nice high and It made you feel good and you know you even lose weight on it and I honestly put that needle in there are and it just started a whole were foot warfare or just bad things happening within my family because I Out of five sisters. I think I had addicted three of them already and to drink and the acid if I could get it and Dennis was gone and It was just chaos and being around the friends that he had introduced me to Life had really took her toe home for me One thing I had decided I wouldn’t do before I started the drugs was drop out of school. I dropped out of school Here comes an another baby Life was just It was just so chaotic. I mean it was just really a long journey through him at the age about seventeen Here I am doing drink and heavy Doing IV any kind of drugs. I was getting I got introduced to The street life or after my check was going I would go out there and I would sail my body to get the drugs and I got introduced to a hair on and coke and I would speedball that and the babies kept coming different daddies different guys, you know and life was just Getting real bad. I can remember at the about the age of 20. I Was wearing well off into my addiction. I mean, I was just running up and down the vision and the vision here is the stronger, you know prostitutes they go standing trying to get those pollutants and my children was with anybody that would keep them the children that I had I had two children or three at this time and my mother was just You know, she was overwhelmed because this was me I was going in and out of jail for stealing You know, whatever however, I could get money to feed this drug, you know taking from my family breaking in their homes it was It was real bad. It was real. Okay, I got real bad for me and the babies kept coming It’s funny how the babies keep coming in the diction and they were addicted. I looked up and I had about five. Oh Man you know not stand with your dad’s just laying down, you know Giving my body away for money or for free the drugs the alcohol the Stealing the lying it was so chaotic for me Then I went to prison And after I went to prison I Got a look I got a little glimpse of What life could be by going to church I went to church in prison, I attended church and everything and then I got out of prison and I Sort of caught a glimpse of that. I didn’t want to I really didn’t want his life. I had to be maybe about 22 or something like that that I really didn’t want this life and my mom she was on me She was on me the baby’s keep coming to the you on drugs. You keep going to prison you keep going to jail and When when it really started to turn around for me, I was going through all this, you know this long journey I’m only you know hitting on half of this but it was it was real bad And when they really started to take a turn It’s when I went to jail I Went to the County Jail me and my sister got caught for stealing some coats out to Kmart You know, we’re trying to feed our addiction. I had my sister and all them were weighed into addiction. You know, how Satan can use us to manipulate to hurt somebody else until you know, destroy somebody else lives, you know As I did my children and my sisters, you know, I I truly regret that today and you know me and my younger sister we went to jail together and you know God he was intervening and then We picked up a Bible which we we hadn’t done since we were children Going to church where mommy used to send us with the ladies. We hadn’t done that in a long time. We picked up a Bible and We read at the back of it we started reading revelations we was in the cell together and we started reading revelations and somehow just the Spirit of God just it hit me and I Wanted to understand more about that Bible and so did my sister and we were you know talking about how we were gonna not, you know go back out there and do the things we were gonna do and You know we end up getting split up the jail was packed and we had to be split up but I can remember God’s mother coming in and intervening in my life then and Sort of telling me that he had something better for me. I went in idea time then and I was Trying my best to be close to God. I really didn’t know too much about God I was trying my best to be close to God and tell us some of the ladies in jail that I was going to try to change and I was still smoking and stuff, you know and Testimonies when you when you got a testimony for God and you’re trying to do something for God sinful things just don’t they don’t set well with testimonies and but I was trying It’s always good to try I was trying and so I did I was still smoking everything I got out of jail and I went back to my regular way and This was at a time. I think I had I had like three Children and I got real sick. I had got real sick with my fourth child my girl and my mother she had two But after I got adjust she had to come live with me Because I got so I couldn’t walk I was used at this time. I was using peels I was melting down peels and You know Putting them in my arm, you know anything I could get in I went right back, you know I thought God had gave me that glimpse of him. I went right back to using that time and I Went to using them peels and I got real sick where I couldn’t walk and I was pregnant again another baby I was pregnant and my mother she came from up north to try to take care of me I’ll never forget that she can take care of me and their dad had left me and She came and she put me in a better apartment because I was in a little bitty Apartment with these all these kids. I got four and she came and she got me a bigger apartment and she nursed me until My baby was born you know, who the sick part about. This is Why my mother was doing all this I was still trying to use Oh still you know she would go to work and I was sneaking half some people over and had that baby in my stomach trying to use not knowing that was affecting that baby like that and um My mother she did she came she Put me in the house and she told me she said why don’t you try to go get you some help? You know the baby’s still coming you’re still an addiction You know your life is your life is a living hell you’d be better off dead and live like this And that really hurt me when my mother said that you know I’d be better off dead didn’t live the way I was living and You know at that time I was a wino too. It had got to the fore I was pumping my stomach honestly had before I could Get my day started I had to go to the store Well, seeing my kids up there to steal a wire up at the store to steal the wine Drank half the wine. Throw it up then try to start my day and You know my mother she took me and then I wouldn’t stop I started selling the stuff. She was buying me and You know she bought me all kind of beautiful stuff water beer stereos and trying to help me go get through this and I didn’t want to go into treatment, but after a while when I had really hit rock bottom and Did my mother so bad Car would was broke out from trying to take people drugs just doing all kind of chaotic stuff and hurting my mom And my children I decided I was going to try to go into her We have for three days. I Did I went into rehab? Have for three days and you know what I said, I looked round I said I’m not like these people I’m not like this. How do you think I was bad those? some of those people that were in there there, you know they was talking about their Waking up. They didn’t know what they did. They were sleeping in the streets. And I said no are you doing that? No, I’m not in the streets yet I’m sleeping in the street says I got a house not in fear that I was a bad as bad as these people But they’re yet to come. Have you ever heard of the yetze to come? So I did them three days And went back home with my mom and The get started to come, you know, I brought my mom into this madness she went out and Found some people that could sell her some of this Stuff to sale, you know, and my mom she probably know wouldn’t care if I say this But she did try everything to defeat my codependent is trying to help me in this You know that I wouldn’t have to go out in the streets and I wouldn’t you know I had to go out there and sell my body and be still and she tried everything to help me You know and did nothing work did nothing work. So after why all the chaos and Madness and doing my mother so wrong I decided to put myself into her longer-term treatment, so I went in glenbeigh and I Stayed in there 28 days. I liked the program see it As you you know, as I as I’m talking you never heard really heard me said I dropped out of school I did drop out of school and I didn’t have education So when I went into this treatment, they offered me a lot. They offered me changed. They offered me to learn how to Get back up and you know get up in the morning wash my face instead of getting up trying to run out look for wine Or a hit or you know who I could snatch their purse or try to you know Go on my house and get their money. They offered me, you know, they offered me a lot of tools for recovery and The treatment center was 28 days. I didn’t finish the treatment center and graduated, but I still had hit rock bottom I get back out to treatment center. It was a nice treatment center You know, they felt as good they gave us all the tools I got back out Went right back to the streets And I by this time my mother she was fed up she had two kids and I Was pregnant again I Got seven kids and she looked at me and she told me she said Tubes tied why do I mean you keep keep doing this? I’m trying to help you in You don’t have a life. You know, why don’t you have your tubes tied at least so the babies won’t keep coming but you know when I looked at my mom and I said Deep down the side of me I Focus back on what God had did when I was at that very young age when he had stopped me from getting that spanking I said mama One day I’m gonna have a husband to come to see me at the hospital. I’ll have to sit up there by myself to bring me flowers I’m gonna have I’m have a child by my husband then she looked at me. You know what? About that but she look at my Five kids at that time And I had this deep in I had this deep end and from that God was gonna bless me. I don’t really know too much about gardening like that, but something me just had that feeling so She she uh Moving into my brother’s house because I was spending up all the money and My brother had a house and he said that we could move into there and she was working hard every day And I was spending up all the money Do it for checks and everything. We was getting and her money. She moved in my brother’s house and She told me she couldn’t she couldn’t be there anymore with us she couldn’t so she moved with my sister and She left me and my kids there by herself she said she couldn’t take it any longer what was going on my life and I was You know doing so she had to leave it on me and she left me. She wouldn’t stay my little sister And I was still out there just walking bare feet pregnant. I was pregnant my sixth child at this time And I would go out there on the store. I would have no socks no coat and my kids being home hungry and I would take the money drinking all up or doing the drugs and My mom Had to step in again she stepped in and she had the detective service workers come out to uh See about huh me my children whenever and they came out and there was no food in the house and They gave me a day to go get some food. Just how sick I was on this journey There was no food, they told me well I’ll give you a dance or get some food you say your check in cash when they came back It was still no food So they said we’re gonna take your kids I’m gonna take them away and You know, I had went to a lot of men in my life a lot of so-called Boyfriends people said they cared about me. But all I had was those I had at that time I had those five I might I may be saying I mixed knuckles. I had a lot of children But I think I had to fight then and I had that six one in my stomach. I was pregnant again and They did they came out and they took my kids away And I Really didn’t find my mom because she had done all she could you know? Because she do And they took my kids away And I Didn’t get no better I was still out there using and prostituting and Just doing what I want to do and going the way life would have me to go at that time I Can remember one time laying? Over my sister house. They were all used and we waited so bad all eight of us All eight of us had started used. My mother had eight kids and all of us was used And we would get together they have little parties using parties You know somebody get they checking this night was over our sister house oh my baby sisters again the one that was in jail with me that we had decided we was gonna try the Bible when we went back and we were over there and Getting high and everything and I never forget this I would next door to try to get some of the crack stuff and from one of the guys and I decided to Turn a trip with him for some of the crack because wouldn’t nobody give me none There’s and I took I took all of it. No, dude This is how sick that you know, this life this kind of life can lead you to I took all of his Crack and went in the room and hid and he came after me and they told where I was that in the room because they want to crack too and he Took a board and crack my forehead and I had put the crack away. I Had put it where he couldn’t find and I was well here well here in my private And I wouldn’t give it back to me kept beating me and beat me with that stinking blood all got my face I never forget this all down my face blood and if he looked at me It only could then God just saved me that night. He looked at me and he said I’ll kill you I’ll kill you get out of here. He made me stripped butt naked. He didn’t find anything he said I’ll kill you and I’ve been out of that house strip naked and This how sick I minded my disease that progress at this time for my mother took my kids I didn’t think about the blood that was running down my face. I would write to my sister’s name and picked up a pipe And my brother had the baby which he was using to to go to the hospital. It’s it feel sick behavior real sick behavior with a Thing and your mouth and blood running all down your face Something that you wouldn’t want to experience. It’s a living a living nightmare. I’m living him but to get back to when my mother had took of my kids I Wanted my kids back and I didn’t really know how to go by doing it because I was so well into my addiction I Just stayed out there I just stayed out there and constantly used for a while and after a while they gave me a Social Service Worker To try to work with me to on getting my kids back and They worked with me they would allow me to come see my kids on occasion they had put my kids in the foster home and Then they they threatened that they would stop me because I Would I was coming drunk I would come you know smelling like alcohol and booze and everything and They didn’t want that. So they threatened that they were gonna stop me. See I had been and a few treatment centers, and they had told me to At least going one more and this Probably could help me in getting my kids back And I told well I would try they were gonna send me out of town to another treatment center and I told that I would Work with him that I would go because my kids were all that I had and in the progress of this being out there and trying to work with them was still drinking and using I only had one family member that would Trust me or allowing me to be around and that was my sister and She told me that I could no come over and you know She was using but she wasn’t worse as I was and she told me that I could come over I was pregnant I can I know forget this I was pregnant would love you at this time and before I moved with my sister, I Had to be about eight months pregnant and I didn’t want them to take my baby and I was serious Before I would let these people take my baby. I Would deliver my baby myself. That was my addiction talking. I would deliver this baby myself and I was about seven or eight months and I needed another I needed another fix and I Was scared that the baby was coming and it started me to praying I was so scared This baby was gonna come and then I was gonna have to deliver this baby myself And they had all my other kids and I didn’t want them to take it I know they was gonna take this baby if I went to the hospital and I had Psyched myself out and set up in my mind that when they come that I would do it all I would stew and I would had this baby and I would cut the cord and I would keep that baby and they would not take my baby away and at the same time I was doing this I was still Walking up and down the village and selling my body, you know, whatever I could go drinking with the wine I was just everything was just horrible and I can remember one night before I started Definitely working on getting my kids back. I Went out on division and I was hurting real bad and I didn’t have one. Let me think I had all these shoes and this one guy came up to me and he asked me I need somewhere to come in for a minute and he took me and I never forget this and I didn’t know it was that close to me having my baby the time for me to have my baby and he took me in and Asked me you know, did I want to take a bath and everything? And I said, yes And I went in there and I took a bath and he gave me something to drink Because at that time all I wanted was something just anything just to put my system And he gave me something to drink and he took me in and I told him it was probably about time for me to had his baby because it was feeling like it and This man was very nice. I don’t know. I don’t know where this man came from to the day I still don’t know where this man came from but he was very nice. He took me in and He was also a user though and I didn’t use I I got on my knees I could get on my knees telling God that I didn’t want to I didn’t want to Lose his baby. I didn’t want them to take this baby too. And Please help me Please help me to not you know More so when the time comes I know it’s close for me to have this, baby Then I can go to the hospital and I went after chance, you know my baby died or anything and being accused of murdering thing and I got on my knees and I prayed on that B, and I said, please Some other kids For those next five or six days before my baby came I didn’t use anything I call that this guy bring me alcohol to be it because I was real sick and He bumped me. I called his bit, but I didn’t use no trust God sustained me out using that if you do this I wouldn’t use again. I would not use again. If you just don’t let him take my baby So I love my kids What happened is that the baby up my water broke and the guy his sister lived next door He went and called and left everything. He went to the hospital with me and he was there for me Basically, the first one did everyone to the hospital with me and he was treating me real nice. I’d still the day I don’t know where this minute came from, but I Went in and I had my baby and my baby wasn’t addicted she didn’t come out with cocaine in her system, but because Ben took it away. They said that I couldn’t have the baby It came time for me to go to the hospital and this guy He went over to his house and he called damn Lance and they came to got me and I went to the hospital and My baby came out and I was so happy because you know God Even though I really didn’t have a very good understanding of God God had proved faithful and my baby wasn’t addicted and Even though the baby wasn’t addicted they wasn’t gonna let me bring the baby home with me Because the baby was alcohol seiderman the rest of my kids were gone So I Went and I left the hospital and the baby’s grandmother on the father’s side. The dad’s babe the daddy of the baby His mother came up to the hospital and say that she would she would take the baby at home and I praise God for that for having her beside me and I went back to I’m the guy that had Took me in and everything and You know he was just a wonderful and I just wished that he could be my Husband and I really liked him because he took care of me. He fed me he cooked for me It was just wonderful how he took care of me and allowed my baby to you know, help me with my baby like that He was the first guy that was there with me with any of my children and I Went back on my word to God see God is a forgiving God a loving God I thank God for being God cause I Went back on my word. I had a promise Kyle if he would let my baby not come out addicted that I would not used every game but you know, I story to God, I went back my word because as soon as I got out that hospital and Went back over there I got my little check that I was I still was getting from my father and I Went to the ball pipe And that crack and a lot of alcohol and when he got my sister God forgive me and I went over there to his house and I got high But remember there was just to come that I was talking about They were well on their way in my life Because this night I got to experience one of those Jets that I was telling you about This night I got high. I got so high Off of that stuff Did I blink down him I said I had never passed out anything I blinked out This night and to this day. I still don’t remember What happened that night all I remember is getting up Off those front steps at my friend house and knocking on that door babbling on that door and asked him What happened? What happened? I about here and he looked at me and said I Have anything to do with you ever care? and I Said you’re terrible you I was He said go get away I said Do you want me he said you can’t be here bye I Said well, just please tell me what I did at least he said Get away from me I Didn’t know what I did to yet to come. I didn’t know what I did Know my kids was cold. He was cold and my first I think he was serious because we had such a nice relationship But telling you I kept trying to call him and go over and he wouldn’t open the door He was like, I never I never wanna be around you again. He was horrible – just to calm y’all yes to come and I still do this date Even my sister can tell me what happened. I kept asking but nobody could tell me I still don’t know today. What happened So He was gone, my baby was gone and I was back Full of drugs and alcohol again out there alone just walking up down the street standing while I stayed and I Mosey back to my sister. I was – only one that would let me in I Mostly to her house one night I was bleeding blood running all down my legs no shoes on and she looked at me. She started crying. I Don’t know what’s to come I don’t know what had happened but I Made it to her house, and when I woke up I was laying up against a wall and all I can remember is just her let me in and when I woke up I was against that wall and I was bloody and She said you never kids back And you know she left me going to clean myself up and You know, all I wanted was a drink and she she was a social drinker She gave him a couple of drinks and no she was just like wander. I’m denying you as a sister. I’m denying Something drink to take the pain away and She gave me something to drink Would you do one thing for me she said would you She said this needs to call me She said if you sit down and listen to this tape, I’ll give you some vodka if you just sit down for a minute Cuz you know I was running in and out there and I sit down and I said alright Did you give me a shot? You know, I couldn’t get no money from nowhere My check was all going and everything and I said you give me a shot. I sit down and I listen And I Sit down and it was the wine and Bebe and CeCe before they I’m separated from the family and The man On that tape song a beautiful song and I never forget that stayed my heart It just touched me. I don’t know this song. He saw he said Everything God ever touched was a song Most importantly he touched the bird and that’s He said there’s no need to worry What the night is gonna bring? Because it’ll be all over in the morning And he talked about how he had all the riches He had a beautiful wife beautiful car beautiful home, but he had no. Peace no, love He didn’t feel it. It just wasn’t there and He said I remember the Bible here. He said I remember the Bible my mother gave me that sits on that shelf and he said it was full of dust and he took it down and He opened it up He said every since then He’s had love and peace and joy you know with his family and and all the riches that he has and I said They caught me I said well Don’t worry what the night it’s gonna bring it to be all over in the morning And if God can do this for him and he rich and he got all this and famous Me I Didn’t have really no understanding of God I always believed that there was a god I know man to make all this big beautiful world in my heart and I Went in the bathroom, you know he saw a great testimony and I went into the bathroom and I got on my knees and I said God if you do all this for this man, I Said God what about me? I know you ain’t put me here to be no drug addict and no don’t think that’s it And I know it’s a god up there I don’t know what to call you, you know, I didn’t really know that about Jesus all I know the sky I said I don’t know what the call you were. You know, how you exist or nothing like that? I can’t see you I can’t touch you, but I know you up I said God, can you please do something for me? I was on that toilet down on my knees. I said guy. Can you please do something for me? God said in my heart I Heard it. I’ll never forget it. He said I Prepared a road for you And all you have to do is walk down it And I heard that small steel force I said God, I believe that you came and you died for us and All my life. I’ve been taught about it heard about Jesus and I said God My children go. I know I got my children, but I said I’ve never had no husband. I was talking to God just like this. I really didn’t know how to pray enough I was just talking just like I’m doing now I said I just I just I Really don’t know you but I said God Can you please? Help me. I said could you please? I’ve nest God. I said one thing was obvious. Come again. I said I would like a husband I don’t forget I said god, I would like a Husband like you I said, somebody loved me. I don’t care how they look I’ll look if they’re got no money, but you know, I always they’ve been telling me ever since I’ve been in treatment and I’m codependent I said I want somebody to love me to hold me somebody I could talk to I know you gave me my Children and I got you but I can’t touch you. I can’t like feel you and stuff So, can you please give me somebody that I can talk to and something I could be with? You know, I opened up just like that. Nothing a real perfect way just in the way of just talking to God and God intervene I Got off from there. No, this is the miracle part about it I’m in this house with my sister with all this liquor Everybody coming in they’re listening to their songs. They’re doing what they want to do drinking. I mean Satan’s in all the drinks that I wanted right there. He sent a friend over a good friend She had all kind of drinks and everything. I Said that prayer now I know where it comes from then I didn’t it comes from Romans 10 and 9 if you confess with the mouth and Even your heart that Jesus Christ Dies and was risen for you There thou should be saying I hope I said that right. Let me let me read it. I want to read it for you just what it says then I didn’t know the scripture, but now God has Afterwards, no cause god he don’t need the scriptures to reveal something to us. He revealed the scripture right here Romans, it came to my heart Romans 10 and 9 it says Yea that if thou shalt confess with our mouth that Jesus With our mouth The Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God has risen him From the dead thou shalt be saved You know and all God’s Word is true because that day forth. I Got up off that bathroom floor. I went back out there where they were doing all the drinking and listening to the music and everything and I Looked at, you know the drinks and I looked around And I seen a pop Now this is the miracle of God. I Looked down there at that pop. I looked at that bottle and I picked that pop up I’m not going to touch it. I’m not gonna touch that bottle more drink this pop and just listen to what they’re listening to and I can remember my Sister coming saying that she’s seen an idea that she said You know Wanda I was talking to a friend and he told me they had a in a in a a meeting down at Sheldon you can go down near Wanda and go to the AME and I said Words that I showed the complex was we never caught anything She said yeah, you could walk right down there one day and maybe go to a meeting tomorrow he said she said she said the meetings from 7 to 8 o’clock, and I was like, well, maybe I can’t do that. You know, it’s amazing how God works. It’s truly amazing because even though my sister, you know was in a you know, a light addiction or so God was using To lead and guide me to him She said and also why does she was just piled me up when she says a little Church down the street if you want to Go down there. I’ll go with you Wednesday. I said ok mercy Automatically I was changed Wednesday and I got up that morning. I had a new sweat suit I had but I hadn’t put it on in I Watched my face. I looked in the mirror Yeah don’t want that I say I’m gonna go down here to this Temp force and I’m gonna see if these people will give me a job and a little steel force all the way said Wanda when you go in there, I want you to be real polite to the people and they’re gonna give you something to do Be real nice and polite I said, ok. I went down to that gym for that morning, and I told her baby. I Totally that’s it. She was so beautiful. She was a beautiful lady. That’s it, you know, you know just like Farrah Fawcett She’s a huh. I Gave me a job that day. She gave me a job that day and Prepared for me I mean, I was overwhelmed, you know, I was overwhelmed because I really didn’t truly know too much about God but this voice this steel voice that was guiding me and I Went that night or the next night I went on down to that Amy and I sent myself down there and I looked around at all the people they were talking about how many years they had and some sobriety and you know how they were kept and they you know didn’t choose that addiction no more and I wanted what they had and I like the a a I liked what they were saying and even though my favorite hangout was right across the street where I go get my beer and Shoot the dice and or whatever. I need the crack or whenever I Didn’t know what them but I knew it now. God had me God had me Because I can remember Walking down to the a meeting and right after leaving there I went across the street and then sit one of my sisters that I had introduced to drugs and she had her pipe and everything her crack and I Looked at her I got in the back and I looked at him I said No, I’m getting out of here, you know, that wasn’t me That was the spirit the spirit that that God had sent in me that night through that tape through that testimony and I got out of here and I could remember next night going across there and they were gambling they was drinking beer and spirit old me get out of here and My kid’s father that I true the one that I truly liked itall, you know, five different fathers. He was there and Me being caught up in it codependent. I wanted to be with him and I saw the God with him and Do y’all know the spirit even kept me from? defiled in myself that night Because we were gonna be together and somehow I told I said it just wouldn’t be right now. I don’t want to You know, I just didn’t want to do it and I told him no that’s alright because I remember I had asked God for a husband and I truly just didn’t feel that he was the one at that time and I Said no, I was able to say no, but it wasn’t by my powers by the power of God God can keep us even we don’t even know where we’ve been killed Whence they came around and it was time to go that chose. My sister remind me you’re going to church right? I said yeah, I’m going and um We went down to that little church and it was a Bible teaching Church and The jolly old pastor there. You never forget him He accepted us in warmly and you know, he talked about God and something in me It was I don’t know. It just it was just good and I just wanted to hear what are you guys saying? he was preaching and jumping up and happy and I mean he was really into and I was like, oh I liked it and I Ended up joining that little Bible Church muscle you want to go tonight, you know They had church on Wednesdays and Sundays and it was nice to feeling When I asked guarded to my heart the feeling that I got was One that’s unsplit Ettore today. And you know, I had asked God for that husband, you know I wanted God to be there, but I also want this companion too, and I wanted to be my husband this time I didn’t want it to be just to lay down or okay, I like you or no. Okay, here’s this money I don’t want it to be that no more and my children was still gone, but my baby was with her granny’s and I can remember Going down to the a a meeting and looking across the table And See I’m codependent I wanted somebody to be with and say dad send me a couple people, you know, even one me and it offered me a whole lot of money, but you know by the grace of God I was able to say no to Saying what I was just this is not This I just don’t want it, you know by the power of God I was caught my power and I was at the a mean I looked across the table and I said God Those kind of means always be married that was sitting talking right there. That wouldn’t recover Them gotta mean always married. Yeah, and I looked at him I said Testify was not one That we were going to get together and everything but after meeting after the meeting we got up and we hugged and we did just mighty hug and He asked me um After the meeting I left out the door It was like three two, it was this other guy that I had been watching because I wanted somebody when I’m codependent I wanted somebody be with but I wanted to be the right one this time because I had no ask God and God I put that trust in me and He came outside and he asked me could he get my phone number? You know, there’s this nice man. I was like, well, I I don’t want nobody with nobody I’m not in that kind of life for more and he was like, well, I I have somebody but not healthy she’s using and I’m not in that life no more I don’t want I don’t want to use I want somebody that’s not using and I would like to cook dinner for y’all not cook dinner for me And I said, he said yes, I would like to cook dinner for you. And so I said, okay I’ll take your number and I took his number in not knowing that that meal was my husband and He did invite me over to cook dinner for me and it was real nice and pleasant and it was just unbelievable and You know, this was this man that I had sit across the table from saying God, I wish I had one like that. You know, that’s the kind of work not knowing to use my husband’s just overwhelming and he was living that with somebody at this time and he Was in recovery, like I said also and he was like cheering and meetings so he had to get up and you know Get ready for the meetings every day I had no words stapled with my sister and he told me I could stay there with them for a while So I did and a special part that I want to mention is home. I told god I said God I Had that first talk with God. It was easy for me to talk with God I said God And it wasn’t in a printer fashion It was just talking to God I said God if he is my husband cause I have to be truthful, you know I was stealing the having sex you know, and all that stuff then and I said God if he is my husband, let me know and God gave me a special knowing that he was my husband and we got together and After that I Wanted I had that companion. I feel that this was the man that God was putting in my life And I wanted my children back now and I wanted to do or go to any level to get my children and they sent me away to the Glass House in Lansing To a Recovery Center and it was very nice and I had told me that I would be back in no six months or whatever it took me to graduate and I Would get my children back and he was very supportive of me And my children me before before I went to the Glass House He would go out there with me to see the children and play that father’s role he was real very very supportive and he had got him a little apartment and He would allow my children to come over. I was staying clean not by my wheel probably by the power of God, and I went into that treatment center and I Tried to work it to the best of my knowledge and I was praying I was getting down on my knees Humbling myself as the Bible says now, you know, it’s funny how these little scriptures come back then I didn’t know the Scriptures but now I do and the things that God was allowing me to do even though I didn’t know the Scriptures then he had engraved it upon my heart and you know, he was interacting this in me, even though I Didn’t have it all like I thought I did the scripture comes to mind now Chronicles 2 7 14 where it says, let me go there right quick It says If my people Which are called by my name shall humble themselves And pray and seek my face and turn Me my said I he God allowed me to turn from their wicked ways then Will I hear from heaven And forgive them their sins and heal their land And God is faithful. I didn’t even know of scriptures in the Bible with you know, this sort was in the Bible I they even know how the term abide with you at this time but he was engraved in this in me to the spirit that he had sent when I got on my knees and did on Romans nine of 10 that you know confessed that you know, God was Lord and I was praying and I was in this recovery Center and everything was going well and I Liked it and I was hoping that even with you know Keeping staying we didn’t know I could get out and we could go see the kids and maybe God could bring us together as I had hoped and He could be my husband but things didn’t work out like that. I Was smoking and I got caught smoking there it was no smoking in this um Rehabilitation center and smoking was automatically a discharge And I got discharged and I was like crushed But God wasn’t crushed he gave me the ability to Have faith in Him. This is my first Acknowledgement of faith in God I got on my knees and I said god I Was sorry for smoking because I wanted to do this treatment. I want my kids back. I said I’m not gonna give up faith cause you didn’t do this for me kept me out of that situation You kept me from the me and you kept me from that crack with my sister You gave me the meetings you gave me that church. I said God you can give me my kids back too. I tried man’s wait til I say but God I know you can get my kids back it would take a miracle now for them to give me my children back, I Said my god Can you please perform this miracle for me? I want my children. I’ll do what I have to do I ain’t gonna go out there and use I gotta leave in my but I’m not gonna use I said God I know you can help me. I know you can perform this miracle for me, please Perform this miracle for me. I Got all that place and I went back and First when that my sister can’t pick me up I wanted to go and see what’s even still there, you know when he had, you know found nobody else I had to go about a mother so and So I went to the meeting and there everyone still sitting there chairing the meetings and he was like Oh you I can I said, yeah I got kicked out the program for smoking and nobody really believed that but that’s what happened and I Went to he still had his good for apartment. I think he had lost a little faith in me like everybody else because I had got kicked out the program but one of my sisters she let me come stay there another sister my baby sister and They were using over there – I was still in that environment but God is good. God is powerful. I Had the strength to say no Even though they would use and and I wouldn’t advise nobody not unless you were like me and you didn’t have nowhere else to know where else to go to go in the situation where they’re using but God can keep us even in that if we have faith faith If we have faith God can keep us in I had enough faith then even though I didn’t know what faith was Like they talk about Hebrews. I love that chapter faith is the substance of things hoped for things not seen but I had a little faith then that God was going to give my children back and I even though they were using I didn’t use I Gave money because when I got out of there I had got I went down phone and I moved my sister god bless me to get a job and I Stayed there, but I resist and yes temptation Kenny But somehow God allowed me not to pick it up and I have to say God because I had no power I had tried all I knew to stop using but I had no power to stop using but once I asked God in I had all the power to stop using and What happened is the lady they brought a new lady to where that I was receiving The counseling for my children they brought a new lady in that that Was gonna start working with me and my tune and she told me by the grace of God. She was a good Christian woman She said I’m gonna give you another chance to get your children back and I Said okay you give me another chance She said you can stay clean like you’re doing you tell me you’ve been clean Even though they kick you out that program if you can stay clean and show me this for three months three whole months I’ll give you your children back And I was like, oh she said but you’re gonna have to do some out outpatient counseling and I said okay anything I’ll do it and you’re gonna have to continue going to meetings and I Said okay and she arranged that I could go to a place where they were gonna give me outpatient counseling And I went to this place and the very nice counselor there. He was a Caucasian counselor. He told me to make a List out of everything out of all the things that I wanted to accomplish short term goals and on that list I would like to share with you I had to Have a church family which God had already gave me that little church family to quit smoking To get my kids back They they’re not in order probably like they’re had they happen or as I put them down but to get my children back to lose weight To get a job to go back to school and get my GED and To get a home just a little simple things for my children that I really had. Never Had or you know my addiction robbed for me you know what took all that for me and I wrote that little list and it was just a little simple things and Time by time little little by little God accomplished Every one of those things that I had put on the list First of all, I Moved on my sister house where they were using because everything that wasn’t safe she said come on back and stay with me which at first he didn’t really wanna make that move and I thought that was a Little shaky, but he said come on. I got apartment and I moved in there Then I went down to the shed and everything was going on at the shelter complex meetings people going back to school is that was just a beautiful place for people to rehabilitate and I went down there and I got into a ran for school and I got another job to that same temp service that the lady had gave me the job before I went to the Glass House and I Would go pick up my children take them to church. I had to go to any length So any look to do any enough to do this now because urban at that time He wasn’t really in church or he didn’t want to go to a little church with me But what I would do after I got my check I would take out money I would go to the foster place and I would take a cab and I would take my children to church with me and then I would, you know get a ride either from the pastor whatever I would go back and I Was God was helping me go through anything else to work and walk down this world he had prepared for me and I Was doing that. I was going to my meetings I was going to work I was going to school and at this time I only had like a what? Maybe a third grade IQ because I was always no special ed. But God was blessing. This was the head This was truly truly a miracle from God. This was the hand of God for this average black little child I see I’ve never really had nothing but I grew up as I told you before but God was truly blessing down and his hand was in it and he had prepared this road and I was willing to walk down it and I didn’t want to turn back because it was just so beautiful and Things just was are falling one by one even my mom. She came back in and She was willing to help me. She said she was gonna buy us a little car, you know And I had to go back and get my license there They I had to do everything all over but it wasn’t me doing it was God doing it and he was just unfolding all this Stuff about one and it was just beautiful. You know, I was going to school my mom had helped us get a little car and I Was working I was working and then going to my meetings and going to church and it was just so beautiful life was starting to unfold for me and It didn’t stop They didn’t stop right there After the three months went by my social worker said you did it. I had nothing God did this You know what? She was like you did it and they helped me get a house and they gave me my Oldest daughter back. We had nothing in the house, but the beautiful people that God had put in our life down at the church they gave us furniture and everything to go in the house and My kids like I said all my kids were me I because you know, they were born in addiction they told me that I could get like money from the state for them to help out and God blessed and they approved that and I had my house and They said they would get a children back like one by one and that’s what they started doing Get my daughter back first and the church gave us funds during The my income start coming in even though I was working through the temps. They gave me more money for the children and Everything was still there, you know by my side. He has little partment and then God See it gotta take one more big stuff Coming to church with me That’s amazing God is the first I had to get up by myself in a cab going to kids and everything and it was just later He wouldn’t go to church But then after a while he said I’m going to and so we started going together. Then the pastor seen that and he said, okay Y’all have to get married now and we had got our house because there’s time for y’all get me to do it. Right and we Said ok I said ok and It wasn’t all easy, but she said ok and They married us they married us in our house because they wanted us to be right before the Lord they married us and as you know ty was progressing they started letting the other children come back and it was just beautiful and Ervin was working and I was working we had our house mama had bought us a car we had all that time we had all the just all of the six kids back and the church they looked and they Seen another need and they helped us get a van a real nice van. God is just so wonderful. So wonderful God had me go back all the past credit and stuff that I hadn’t paid stuff I had got from people in my addiction even the loan shark. I Paid all the people the to loan sharks I owe The credit grew I paid them off guy allowed me to pay those people off It kind of just amazed and all things different I got my GED and The ladies at the school God can interact through whoever him choose He chooses the lady at the school said after I got my GED she seen more in me She told me she wanted me to go and get my executive word process. Now. This is a woman they couldn’t even spell born I could only read the like the ears and the dirt in the Bible But God Manifested God is a good guy I went and I got my sector for processing certificate and after that I had a urge to Go back and help somebody else. I gonna say I I can’t say I got put the ability in me where I wanted to go back and try to reach Somebody else and well how I wanted to do it I wanted to be a counselor like that counselor had helped me and or everything I had put on that paper was starting to unfold and I ask God to bless me to become a counselor and He did after I left Davenport. My sector word-processing. God blessed me to get in Grand Rapids Community College For sociology and during that time. I also took my arm Michigan State test for counseling which all counselors have to have and I passed it Oh God was doing so many things in my life. I was volunteering volunteering is a great Any kind of recovery if you recovering for any from anything volunteer work is a great part somebody had told some women that Butterworth hospital my story and how God had blessed and how maybe I could be a testimony for other women and They interviewed me and they gave me a volunteer job of working with women with substance abuse women’s in the community All kinds of things was just unfolding for me my husband My husband was right there, you know first he didn’t want too big responsibility But he was right there and we had got married to church was right there The AAA and na we were attending meetings me and my husband wanted me before we got a car we were attending three meetings a day, especially my husband and we were praying God had impact and Putting us putting us to pray as a family. We had all the kids there. We’re getting down praying and seeking God and reading and going to church and The way even the weight, you know after a while after We after we had been married about a year Even had no children. I didn’t mention that before but my husband that god bless me. We had no children and He asked God if we were gonna have one together and this goes back to what I told my mother See God is faithful. Even when we not when we don’t know God if we’re not acknowledging God. He’s still faithful This goes back when I told my mother. I’m a husband and He’s gonna bless me. We had one child by my husband and my husband have any children He had said he he tells me today told me then he asked God who was gonna have one do it so it wouldn’t be so far apart from the other kids and luckily, I popped up and I was pregnant I Had a life now and I had that baby I Carried that baby and my husband was so supportive He made me get out of school because I was going to school like man and you know he protected me with that baby and we had this baby and it was beautiful and it was his first child and My mom she was just standing back watching watching the power God, you know, and it was beautiful and We had Mary That was our seventh child. She was born on the seventh day 91 I was going to school and everyone’s working and he was still doing this meeting. We were productive Citizens in society again. I was doing a lot of volunteer work trying to reach out help others You know anything that I could anything I was asked I would do in the volunteer field because that’s truly will give us the strength to carry on is we give it a way to keep it and You know I would also like to put this on this tape because all these great things kept happening them all my addicted sisters brothers was looking and They wanted to come out too, and they wanted to give up the drugs and in my mind I was saying well god You know, I saw another man led them into addiction Maybe now I’m leading them out and They they looked at my life and they wanted to stop the drugs, you know, God was really ministering and Everything was going good me nervous going choke reading, but I have to put this problem there too. There comes a time Even in addiction when you get to know God we’re Trials and tribulations is going to come and Say that’s gonna ask just like he asked Joe for us to be tested All going do it. I Mean everything’s going good. It looks I mean, it looks just like a picture, you know, beautiful story and then you know God blessed us from out of that apartment that we were in that house that we were in and he Blessed us with her own house. God made a way that we could get a big beautiful house I dreamed of having a big beautiful house and one of those New model minivans goddess Did he say this word? He would give us the desires of our heart. Did God say He would if we seek either kingdom of heaven first that he would give us all the desires of our heart but then came trials and tribulations and me and my husband we had to go through our trials and Things some things starting to happen But God is also Also faithful and just and merciful and just will keep us storm. You know that I said here today and do this video because through all of that after when I got the house and the van and you know, Our credit was a one I never had any credit before but our credit was Shot up to 81 and we should get whatever we wanted Because you know we had done what we needed to do in society. I Think we went a little bit too fast. Oh, it was just that we were being tested and we took a little fall But we didn’t take a fall for the worst With the wisdom as I was progressing in recovery and getting to know God better He was a stormy with more and more wisdom and how he have to come in the life of his people Too and prune them to make them better to raise them up to what they should be All the trials of going through bankruptcy and Little things with the children and some of the children had to get sent away and no life turmoils and trials and tribulations, but God has once again put us back on the straight and narrow path and Life is beautiful. If I just told you of some of the things and the reason I say this is because If I sit here and tell you that these things didn’t happen I’m not being what God is calling me to be and somebody out. There might be right at the point, right? at the point of What? but at the point of saying to yourself God I’ve tried you. I’ll ask you for help. Where are you? Why haven’t you helped a Friend Let me just give you a little bit of insight into how God operates Sometimes God comes through in our port point of desperation Very quickly Other times he delays coming through for us. I Can’t prove it, but I am a strong believer that God has a perfect time for Everything to happen in each of our lives God’s timing is always perfect God sees things so differently than what we see them And my friend if you’re one of those right at the edge of maybe Thinking that you’re just gonna go ahead and Take your life Take your chances and what’s going to happen? Maybe you’re at that point Or maybe you’ve said god. I tried you You don’t care for me. I know what it’s like to pray a prayer Desperation and say God what am I gonna do? How am I gonna handle this situation and Nothing happens God. I trust you to help me and nothing happens I’ve walked in some of those very painful places myself my friend. I Know how devastating how discouraging that could be? But it was in God’s timing when I got so desperate where I was gonna commit suicide To get out of the pain of this life God came through he showed up made himself real And he will do the same for you If you don’t quit on him, he just has a perfect time. He has a perfect way You need to hear that you need to know that don’t take your life you have unlimited potential in Christ Jesus Both now and for eternity you take your life You’re not sure Where it’s gonna end up once your heart stops beating don’t go there. Don’t risk it and Now for those of you who are thinking, well, I tried God he hasn’t been there Don’t stop don’t quit He’ll be there. He’ll come through and his time His time and his time is often. Not our time Be a little bit more patient you look back Once he comes through You look back and realize It wasn’t the right time for him to come through My friend Jesus Christ has all the power To do anything in this life, we would like him to do But we have to be willing to sell out I’m Convinced that many times God doesn’t come through though We are in points of desperation because he knows we’re gonna be tempted and we’re gonna go right back into it drug addiction for one but sexual promiscuity and other forms of sin, he knows we’re gonna go right back into it and he’ll delay until we get desperate enough to Dig in and let him take control of our life Wanna mentioned how She came to realize she couldn’t do things on her own she needed The power of God operating in her life to do them for her And that’s something many times that God wants us to learn You can’t do it. You can’t save yourself. You can’t save yourself You can’t deliver yourself. You can’t do nothing, but Jesus can and he many times wants to teach us that little incredible truth. No, you can’t but I can And when you’re ready to let go in total Total desperation and say I turn this all over to you Jesus I turn everything over to you Everything I mean it that’s usually when things begin to happen in a positive fashion Well, my friend there is no situation No place on this planet that God can’t execute a miracle for you or anybody else. He’s a miracle working God Jesus is a miracle working God He loves us unconditionally No matter what we’ve done or no matter what we do in the future as long as we won’t quit on him That’s the word to end out this video Don’t quit on Jesus. He has the power to accomplish anything Because he’s fully died Don’t quit on Jesus He’ll never quit on you, but he’ll let you quit on him If the devil tricks you into believing Jesus doesn’t care for you The devil is battling for your soul He doesn’t want you giving it to Jesus. So you have eternal life That you have changed Coming you have positive change coming Thus Cal she went long I had to cut off some of her testimony a film this number of years ago ten years Were longer ago She’s gone on to be used in ministry and in various ways Capacities and she’s gone through trials Yes but she’s sold out to let God use her to impact the lives of other troubled people much like she was There was a lot of hopelessness in the inner cities and the ghettos in the low-income areas and It’s people like her that God can use sometimes the most effective light Because her life reeks of hope and So with that Go with Jesus Go with Jesus. Hang in there. Don’t quit on Jesus He won’t quit on you But he does love you enough to let you decide What you’re gonna do? He has eternity in store for you that you can’t fathom For each and every one of us Eternity of joy Eternity of wonder and Satan will never get that he lost it. He’ll never get it back You know what? You know what you’d have it either He wants to take you straight to hell and be as miserable as he is Don’t way to do that Be wiser than God Wants to give you the best he has Satan has given you the best he has Probably the other sound hood He’s given, you misery he’s given you pain he’s giving you hardship he’s giving your discouragement He’s giving you a depression giving you physical diseases. He’s giving you all kinds of mental and physical pain That’s all he has to give Quit on him, but he’d quit messing with you Get connected to the one who Created Satan and the one who’s going to determine The hell that Satan is ultimately going to suffer All right Put your faith and trust in the one who could do things for you Who can do things for you in this life and through all eternity? The let’s see steal your destiny be why shouldn’t


  1. This is real. This is beautiful.
    You got your kids….and a husband.
    Bless you.
    God really put you through the wringer, dear.

  2. Glory be to God… My dream was so real-I dream I died and devil take me to the empty old bullding and we sat together at stairs. It was dark and close to us were big door to hell. I was affraid of devil but I don't want to show him I fright and do good deeds for him and told him "if in hell were love it would be different". And the devil stand up and says "I can't take you with me"and he was gone to hell alone. This is the night when I was being call by God again to come back to Christianity,because before my faith was on rocky road but reading the Bible help me understand Christianity much better

  3. Thank you for the very hard the old suffering life. Your testimony will help many sister..thank you JESUS that you really do love us so much, GOD bless you and your family ❣❣❣

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