I am autistic

Hi! Hello everybody! I am autistic and that’s an essential part
of who I am and how I function. I have an uneven cognitive profile. That means I can appear to be both the dumbest and smartest person you ever met, at one and the same time. I’m not always following what people are
saying, because they are making it way too complicated for my comprehension. I can also have a hard time taking in what
someone is saying, when other sounds disturb me. Sometimes I just simply answer yes on a question
which I don’t understand, because I think that could be the right answer. Answering yes can also buy me some time, before
I understand the question and then can correct myself. I don’t always understand when someone is
serious or telling a joke in a serious manner. Therefore I might start laughing when someone
is just saying something that’s not meant to be funny… at all. Since I think it would be awkward if I just
met the person with my blank face or confusing look, I try to respond in some kind of way. I might also laugh when I just don’t know
what to answer. I can only make eye-contact with you, if I
know you won’t judge me… Keeping up the eye-contact can sometimes make
me really unfocused on what you’re saying. I can better follow the conversation if I
don’t keep eye-contact. Forcing myself to make eye-contact while talking can trigger tics. I also get tics when I get pushed over my
limits. I can’t focus at several things at the same
time. Multi-tasking no no. I can hyper-focus though, on something that
fascinates me or interests me. I know lots about very specific subjects. If I sense you have different views than me,
I will be cautious. I have a hard time understanding people who
are racists, xenophobes, ableists, homophobes, transphobes, speciecists and so on. I often get absorbed in the feelings of others. I want to help them and sometimes all I think
about is how I can improve the lives of the people whose needs I have understood. I don’t have a hard time understanding people’s
distress. I can feel with others. I might have a hard time expressing emotions
though, although I feel lots of them inside. I have, what’s called poor facial expressions. I’m always sticking to my principles. I won’t make exceptions. I’m loyal to the causes I believe in. I can compensate for my difficulties for a
while. I can super-focus on eye-contact for 10 minutes. I can super-focus on following a conversation
for 20 minutes. But then… then I might get so tired that
I shut off for a while and sometimes for the rest of the day. It’s a shut-down. I don’t get melt-downs so very often. I might appear to be shy, although I’m not. During my shut-downs, I simply can’t follow
a conversation so I stay quiet. I also don’t talk much when people talk
about things that I know very little about or that I’m not particularly interested
in. I might appear to be stubborn at times, but
that’s simply not the case. I’m inflexible. I function in a different way than neurotypical
people do. I struggle with the small things, such as
the texture of food or how to use a shoe-horn. I also struggle with bigger things. Change is hard. Autism has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, I am of normal intelligence with
some highs and lows. That means I’m unexceptional, like most people.

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