How to stop caring about what people think of you. Hey, everybody Carol bird here author of the son I almost gave away and in this video I am going to share with you six critical steps to teach you how to stop caring about what people think about you, and if you’re wondering Why I am in a closet Yes, this is my closet. I will show you on the camera as you go around see yes, I’m sitting in my closet and It’s to help give you guys a visual of What it feels like? to live imprisoned by your desire to please others and Stay tuned in this video because I’d like to share two things with you guys first of all is going to be how to stop caring about what other people think about you and the Second thing will be my own personal story of how this applies today Because I am being greatly tested today So I have a story that I’m going to share with you at the very end of the video Kind of how this applies. I’m going to come out of the closet now for better lighting for the rest of the video So you’re not too distracted by the poor quality of the video so stay tuned one thing that I think really is important for you guys to think about and I ask myself as to why do we care so much about What people think about us? Why do we give them so much power over our lives and in this video where I share? How to not care about what people think about you, I’m going to kind of explain my opinion And it’s a little bit different. I think than some of the other ones that you’re going to find On YouTube it’s a little bit different perspective But equally valid so just stay tuned with me Through the video as I walk you through six steps that will help you to Kind of separate in your mind What? You are from what people? Think that you are and by doing that you can Kind of start walking a different path a path where you don’t care so much About what people think about you So in this video as I’m walking through how to stop caring about what people think about you I’m going to be teaching on two different aspects to that as well. There is the toxic people How to not care about what they think about you, and then there’s just everybody else, so they’re not necessarily Good people bad people people positively involved in your life, or negatively. They’re just going to be people And I think it’s kind of important to differentiate those because toxic people For some reason we seem to care a lot about what they think about us even more so than everybody else it’s like their opinion has the heaviest weight in our in our minds and we conceptualize their Their perceptions as being like ultimate and superior to everybody else so these toxic people Can have massive impact on our lives so I want to kind of? Separate them in a way from kind of everybody else as we go Now at the end of the video. I’m going to share with you guys a very personal story of something that Is going on in my life right now? a very horrific thing actually going on in my life right now and There’s both types of people involved. There’s toxic people involved in this situation that I’m hot I’m having to handle one way, and then there is kind of everybody else, and they’re just equally involved and also going through something very very very intense right now and I’m going to share the story with you at the end of the video and explain how relevant Everything that I’m going to be sharing in this video actually is to my life, especially today. I woke up with Some very horrible horrible? Emails texts and messages that I had to deal with today Which is actually why I decided to make this video because the just so relevant to what I’m going through right now so if you are like me And you want to learn how to stop caring about what people think about you and you want to start applying those principles right now? Stay tuned because I have six tips for you guys that I think will transform your lives the way they have for me To stick through right to the end Hear them all take some notes also after I share my personal story at the end of the video. I want to share with you Three people that inspire me the most I encourage you to follow all three of them read as much from them as you possibly can If I inspire you these three people are going to inspire you as well one thing to ask yourself is Why is caring about what other people think about me? Even a problem what what’s the big deal with that? How does it hurt me and The issue is when other people’s opinions of you are governing your actions You’re no longer really in control of your day-To-day life you’re no longer living an authentic meaningful life because Everything that you’re thinking Everything that you’re feeling everything that you’re doing is really being regulated and in a way and controlled By these outside influences of what people think about you So what’s it? What ends up happening? Then is you become? imprisoned by your desire to boost your own ego to prove them all wrong and This is where you you really find that your You are imprisoned. It’s like at the beginning of the video when I was in the closet you live in the closet You are stuck. You’re stifled Not being able to live your authentic self puts you in a place where you’re entrapped in in a cycle in a way, I guess the best way to work is you feel like you’re drowning or you are walking around with a mask on and that’s what choosing to serve your ego instead of serving your purpose does and you do that by Caring about what these other people are thinking about So instead of living a life of purpose and meaning what you find you’re doing every day is just striving for acceptance striving for validation your every effort in life Everything you touch everything you do is all about validation and approval and You get these highs off of when you get the validation and you get these? just It’s like a kick in the gut your heart stops beating you can’t breathe and that’s what happens when when people Criticize you where they don’t give you the validation or you feel rejected and so what you find is you’re living this life that is teeter-tottering back and Forth between validation and hi where you feel awesome and great and these lows of depression and isolation and rejection and you’re feeling just crippled and suffocated and judged and Unheard and you just kind of teeter-totter back and Forth through those and it’s like living on a rollercoaster ride The more validation you get the higher you are then you get some You know negative comments on your YouTube channel and and it’s like oh man I’m having a crappy life or I’m having a crappy day and Everybody in your life is controlling your emotions Because you have chosen to serve your ego instead of worrying about serving your life purpose and I guess what’s kind of sad about this as well is you become a cookie cutter person? living in a robot world, and you’re just dancing to the beat of somebody Else’s Drum here whole life and When you’re dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum I can tell you There’s not going to be a lot of happiness found in that it’s like you’re living in your closet and As you can see from in my closet. There’s not a great view from in there. You’re pretty limited and That’s what it’s like. You’re you’re imprisoning yourself Because you’re making this decision That you it’s not even like you’re making a decision It’s just I think happens by human nature that we choose to care about what other people think But as you stay kind of tuned into this video. I’m going to show you guys how the truth is You don’t care what other people think as Much as as you think you do and I’m going to show you why that is in just a minute I? think one of the most important things is if you’re seeking happiness and You want to know how to live a life of abundance, and you want to know how to live an extraordinary life? Then you have to learn how to stop caring about what other people think about you and it all starts with you Understanding what you think about you and I want to explain that a bit now before I get into Into the six steps. I want you guys to understand my perspective on something and You know as founding this mindful divergence movement I can tell you that that comes from a core value system that I have which is a belief a very spiritual belief A foundational belief that we are here with each of us with a purpose and a calling and that And you know at the end of this video? I’m going to share a little bit about kind of my journey and Where I’m at in all of that, but for right now. I just want to share what my values are and that is that we have a significant Role each of us to leave a legacy a fingerprint behind When we breathe our last breath and that legacy needs to be Very similar in each of us in that we are leaving the world a better place than when we entered it and by Following our unique passions our unique gifts and callings by living our authentic self we are able to tap into Kind of this like paradigm shift Which is Mindful divergence? And we’re able to make the world a better place just by being who we actually are and that’s what’s most remarkable about it We you don’t even have to try honestly living for your ego takes so much more effort and energy and it is so depressing in comparison to living according to your purpose and That’s kind of the foundation of this whole message so as you’re watching the rest of the video And I hope you stay to the end to hear about how this ties in to my own life right now you’re going to see that that core value system that I have is the Foundation to the six principles that I’m going to teach you and it’s the foundation to Mindful divergence It’s the foundation to pretty much every decision that I make and that is that we are here with a purpose a high calling you are uniquely and beautifully made and I Think that’s the most important thing that I want you guys to understand that when you choose to serve ego Not only are you serving lies? but you can’t serve two masters right you can’t serve your overwhelming Ego and your purpose at the same time they’re almost completely opposites like your ego is so much based on lies and perception and your purpose is based on your authentic self that the core of your very being and That going to be just the foundation that you need to be able to understand The six tips that I’m about to teach you So by teaching you these six steps. It’s going to really help you guys understand how Captive you are how you right now are like living in your closet And all you have to do is what I did I stood up I stepped out of my closet and I came into the room where the light was shining And I decided to start over and I started recording again, and you guys can do that You can decide right now that you’re done living in your closet. You’ve had it You’ve had it and you you’re at a place where you know your days are limited And you don’t want to do this anymore? You don’t want to be a friggin slave to your own ego anymore And you’re tired of being a people pleaser, and you’re tired of caring about what everybody else thinks about you You’re tired of being this servant that basically has every moment of their day mapped out for them doing everything they don’t want to do for everybody else and While you’re living suffocated and not being able to even be who you are and do what you want to do all because of your you’re afraid and you have this ego that you’re serving and I can tell you there was a day when I was walking in a path That was all about ego all about ego, and I was completely completely walking in denial to who I really was and It is an empty road. I can tell you that there is just no fulfillment and not to mention. It’s very depressing sad lonely Empty I mean you’re just that’s why you’re watching this video because that’s where you’re at And you understand and you don’t want it anymore, and you’ve had it, and you’re writing notes, and you’re like, okay? Lady get to these six points because I’m friggin hungry for it, and I want it right now So I was I’m going to start getting to the point don’t worry so when I was growing up, I was Told that I was very selfish It was a message that was ingrained in me from the time. I was very young Carol You are so selfish you are the most selfish person I have ever met and I would be told when things would go wrong that it happened because I am so selfish and While I was being fed these lies I was also dealing with all kinds of abuse being bullied Being traumatized in all these different kinds of ways and so if you can imagine what I believed was Because I was so selfish I had to move all the time because I was so selfish I had to get beaten up all the time because I was so selfish I had to get molested because I was so selfish horrible things always happened to my mom and my siblings and so Being taught that I was so selfish Did something to my ego it gave me this thing? that I constantly have to strive to prove wrong this thing in my brain and This is going to be such a key point in the six points. I’m going to make for you guys today the six Tips is that we all have these lies that we believe these lies are the Foundation that our ego is built upon It is the foundation now. What would be great is for that foundation of our ego to be truths amazing things about us, but that’s for some reason not how it works and So our egos are built upon lies usually the lies that hurt the most usually the lies that shamed us the most usually the lies that just humiliated us the most the lies that were afraid of being true the and Those lies they lay there and they take root like a massive oak tree and Everything is built upon them everything that we become everything that we are and from that stems our entire existence and So for me that Kind of foundational lie that my ego was built upon was that I? am an incredibly selfish person and everything bad that happens to me and everything bad that happens to everyone around me is my fault and it’s all because I’m so selfish and So what happened as a result of believing those lies and my ego being you know? Built upon those lies is that I became a people pleaser always Always trying to prove everybody wrong I didn’t want anybody to find out that. I was so selfish This was like the secret. I wanted hidden deep inside me I didn’t want anyone to know and I thought if I can just make sure that everyone always likes me and that I’m always going above and Beyond and doing good and Keeping everybody happy with me That what will happen is they’ll never find out the truth about how selfish I am but I didn’t realize that the fact that I Believed these things was not even true Actually until very recently I didn’t believe that I was trying to be so nice and trying to be so good That that was all because I believed this Lie I Believed that I was so selfish, I believed I was the most selfish person on the world and I believe that all these horrible things that happened to me and everyone around me that it was because I was so selfish and So I had this dirty Little secret that I was holding inside my heart and I didn’t want anybody ever to find out and so what I did is I worked overtime to hide it I made sure that I just was I tried to be perfect and I still catch myself in that this is not like me talking about something that I? Overcame Ten Years ago. I’m Still going through that and as I get to the end of the video and I share what happened this morning You guys are going to be like wow good timing for this video because um it’s still something I struggle with and Today was an er. That I’m not over this yet. This is still something. I’m dealing with so you know if you can relate to this in any way if You have lives that you have believed that have held you prisoner prisoner to your ego prisoner to validation hungry for people to just See you here you Recognize you approve of you like you Just make sure you take notes for the next six steps or six tips story all there six steps also because they’re kind of an order, but you got to take notes on this because it’s just Such key stuff and things that I am so glad that I learned on my journey So like I said my greatest fear well this isn’t my greatest fear, but one of my greatest fears in life Has always been that someone would find out that I am selfish Somebody would find out that the little secret would get come out someday somebody would leak the secret They would uncover the truth about me And now the whole world knows that Carol bird is Very selfish that everything she does has selfish motives ulterior motives she’s a evil person and all of these horrible things that happen to her she deserved that because she is so selfish that That was my fear and The first thing I want you guys to do and this is step one is To think about what are the lies that? you believe that you tell yourself and What are the lies that motivate you to do all of the things that you are doing? that you Could say come from a people-pleasing place try to say that three times fast. I don’t think I could People-pleasing place people-pleasing never mind, okay. Sorry getting distracted. That’s my Adhd but Really think about that what are the lies that you tell yourself and that you believe and those lies are the root to the Behaviors you’re wanting to change these people pleasing behaviors. What are those lies? because what happens with these lies is they dance around in our heads and we can’t even see them, but there they are mocking us and They’re kind of like drill sergeants. They we think the thought which is obviously the lie we think the thought and then we act upon it somehow or we feel something upon it somehow and We’re rather feeling something or acting something saying something doing something, but the root of it is always motivated in Feeding the ego proving that That lie isn’t true or trying to hide the fact from others That that is the truth when actually it’s not even and we don’t even realize it like for me with the whole Selfish thing I Thought for years That I was trying to hide the fact that I was selfish from the world. I didn’t want them to know I thought this was my big secret and as long as I could keep pleasing everybody and Doing as many things for everybody as I possibly could and being perfect that no one would find out my secret It wasn’t until recently like the last year that I realized That that was not even true. So I was trying to disprove something to everyone that they didn’t even think to begin with When in fact it wasn’t even a true thought or reality – at all And I want you guys to do the same thing that I did over this last year And that is dig deep and find out What are the lies that you’re telling yourself? And write them down get a list going of what those lies are and pay very close attention to the lies that are like I am Like I am selfish or I am ugly or I am fat or I am stupid These horrible horrible things that we say Write them down because this is going to be really important when we get to Step 2 Now before I get to step 2 I want to share something with you guys and like I had mentioned at the very end after I gave you my tips I’m going to Share a very personal story with you something that just took a turn for the worse today But I want to give you the the beginning part of something and that is when I was 15 years old I found Out that the man who I had believed To have been my dad the man who had raised me who I thought was my biological father. I was told that he wasn’t and I was told that my uncle in fact was my biological father and when this happened I had already gone through a life of all different kinds of horrible things and Always told I was selfish always blamed for everything and yet the harder I tried to be perfect the worse my life got and The worse I was treated and the worst traumas I went through and the worst betrayal and deception and lies and abuse and just it Wasn’t making it any better, and when I found out at 15 years of age that The man who I believed to be my dad wasn’t and that this other guy in my life was I Decided in that moment that being selfish Wasn’t so bad and I decided to stop pretending Because I thought you know what? I’m Constantly trying to not let anybody know how selfish. I am so I’m trying to be such a good person and Care for everybody and do everything right and look where it’s getting me and so when I found out this news when I was fifteen I Just decided. I’m not going to I’m going to stop acting now I’m going to stop acting like I’m not selfish, and I’m just going to let the entire world know I am one of the most horrible people that were ever that was ever created and I’m just going to let them know the truth about me so for about one to two years I completely self destructed and I took down as many people with me as I possibly could and I hurt people. I ran away. I did drugs I did everything you could think of I all kinds of illegal activities I Really should have ended up in jail I Just decided to stop acting I just decided you know what I am going to stop caring what everybody thinks about me, and this is kind of the route behind the passive-Aggressive person there they When they’re being passive, it’s usually not that they’re passive. It’s that they’re trying to be compliant and Then when they go to the aggressive side all this bitterness is kind of accumulated and it just goes crazy and they go overboard and It’s not even necessarily that they’re an aggressive person it’s That they get so tired of being stomped on that they swing all the way the opposite Direction And that’s what happened with me. It’s I was never a passive person, and I was never an aggressive person I’ve actually always been a very assertive person by Nature but when I was playing the role of being passive that was because I was trying to not let people know I Didn’t want anyone to know how selfish. I was so I was just being very compliant and cooperative and serving others, and when I noticed that wasn’t getting me anywhere and That my life was going to suck no matter what? That kind of turned into all this bitterness and anger and then I went towards the rage side and I just went nuts for a couple of years and Neither of those things were me being authentic at all And what happens with these kind of passive-aggressive? people is they swing from the passive to the aggressive side back and forth back and forth because they don’t learn how to get control of their egos and stop caring about what people think about them and So what happened with me was you know all those years that I was trying to hide The fact that I was selfish from everyone and I was being more the passive Then I find out all this crap about my dad And I went to the aggressive for a couple of years, and then guess what I started wanting their approval again the validation again And I had a child and I wanted to be seen as a good mom, and so guess what happened I swung back into the passive again and and I stayed in prison there for a very very very long time and What my life looked like was the ultimate people pleaser, and I’m not saying that I wasn’t Confrontational at times because I definitely was but I hated When I knew someone didn’t approve of me. I hated when I thought someone didn’t like me I hated when I when I was made to feel like I didn’t fit or I was rejected And it was so wounding to me that my heart would actually I would get pain in my chest any time I didn’t feel validated, and I don’t know if you can relate to that, but Not having validation when you were a people-Pleaser is So wounding it’s just it’s like a traumatic experience and you get reach ramat eyes throughout the day every day always looking for the validation and when you don’t get it it just it Is you but you don’t want people? No you’re angry because then you’re going to look like you’re not very nice And you’re busy trying to hide that secret from everyone You don’t want people to know yourself Ish, you don’t want people to know you’re not nice And so you don’t let them know that when they don’t give you that validation? That it really angers you and it frustrates you and you wonder why don’t you see me? And why don’t you you know? Encourage me and and say something to show me that you know how amazing I am And the other things we’re so afraid that maybe they found out Like when someone doesn’t validate us when someone doesn’t jump on board with you know being on our side on something We’re so afraid afraid that secretly maybe they know maybe they know our secret. Maybe they know that we are Selfish maybe they know that we are horrible. Maybe they know that we are that we think we’re ugly or that we think we’re fat or something you know what I mean like we’re worried and it and it angers us and it terrifies us that we think somebody else maybe knows our secret, and That just causes so many reactions in us from our bodies just getting so tense our hearts beating faster, and then we try to get control of it right away, so we overcompensate and we try to be you know extra nice and put in all this extra effort to make sure that there’s there’s no way that they possibly could know the truth and The sad thing is that it’s not even truth at all And what’s also sad about it? Is they’re probably not thinking any of those things about us either, so this ego that we have is it’s a combination of us believing lies and constantly trying to prove that they’re not true and then having these ideals That we think about ourselves, or ideals that we really want people to believe about who we are and so What we do is we just project that constantly on others And with this expectation of them to buy into it and when they don’t buy into it it Exhausts us it frustrates us it angers us it disappoints us it isolates us And we feel like we don’t belong we feel like outsiders we feel like we’re not good enough ultimately and So everything we do is with this desire to be Validated and when I say everything we do I mean Everything we do from what we wear to where we go Who our friends are who we hang around with what our house looks like the vehicle we buy the job we have Everything can be about ego everything. We could have a completely unrecognizable life if we took ego out of the equation, so If the first thing is figuring out, you know what the lies are that you are believing Writing those out then the next thing step number two is going to be You need to replace those lives with the truth so for me The truth is I believe my whole life that I was selfish I fought my whole life to hide that reality from everyone I knew and Over this past year. I realized I’m one of the most giving people that I know authentically giving authentically giving not giving out of ego Not giving out of shame not giving out of guilt not giving out of feeling like somebody Like I owe it to somebody Not giving so I look good or people think Highly of me I have a genuinely good heart. That’s me. That’s the truth about me and my whole life I thought Otherwise my whole life I tried to prove otherwise and So the sad thing is so much of the good things I did was from the place the motive of validation and ego not from the place of living this highest calling and purpose and just having a meaningful life and and just trying to be my authentic self the motivation was ego the actions were good, but they were stemming from a really wrong place and So what I want you guys to do is number one Recognize what the lies are that you are believing the lies you’re telling yourself Especially the ones that are the root behind you doing people-Pleasing behavior number two beside those lies tell yourself the truth about who you are and be real be real if You know you’re a dickhead Mice will be real about it be real You know what you know who you really are you’re probably the only person on the face of the earth who knows Who you really are? And I’m sorry for calling you a dickhead, but you there’s a possibility. You are a dickhead. I don’t know For me. I’ll be honest with you guys. I’m not a selfish person that was the lie that I believed, but I’m a very controlling domineering person very and So that’s not a lie for me to be honest about that is a good thing because I can start recognizing if I’m honest with myself that I’m a Controlling domineering person a take-charge kind of I always have to be the one managing everything Then what I can do is when I? Observe that I’m stepping on someone’s toes And I observe this is also a weakness I identify and I already recognize this I Can decide for myself to say kay there? I go again? crap sorry guys my bad forgive me backing off now and on I go with my own business right and I have to do that all the time because You know even my kids they make fun of me like they’ll get a paper cut and all you know wanting to rush them for stitches, and they’ll just be laughing and you know now I can laugh along because I realize I’m just absolutely over the top in just about every area but um That’s the thing is you have to be able to be real with yourself so point number two is Beside the lies that you wrote that you had been believing that Led you to people pleasing behavior Right the truth instead right the truth That’s going to be number two now stemming from the point that I had just made we’re going on to point number three and So point number one was writing the lives number two beside them writing what the truth is and number three is being Authentic with people about who you are now Like I just was with you guys. I’m not a selfish person But yes, I’m a domineering controlling person so in a way. I’m the dickhead okay That’s that’s fine. That’s who I am. I’m sorry I really do care about people though, so I treat them well And I’m not selfish, and I was always trying to prove to the world that I wasn’t a selfish person when actually I wasn’t even when to begin with and so I want you guys to start being authentic and in the full range of Character traits that you have your actual personality What that means is? if you are a dickhead, I’m not saying go and wound everybody with your horrible untamed personality like don’t don’t go and hurt people by being real don’t be like Carol birds that I should just be real, so this is me being real and I don’t even Don’t tag me in on that one, but be authentic and when you’re when you’re walking in a way that you realize hey, this is a part of my personality that I am not proud of Being real with the person you know how many times in a day I have to apologize to somebody My gosh all the time, but I’m not going to act like I’m somebody I’m not Just so I don’t have to be humble and apologize after so I’m going to just be real. I’m going to be authentic and I’m going to step on a lot of toes in the process and if I realize I’ve hurt someone or I’ve been out of line with me carrying out my freedom to be authentic then I’m going to sincerely apologize for that and when I get to the end of the video I have a phone call that I actually just had about 45 minutes ago or so right before I actually started recording this video I had a very long one-hour phone call with someone in my family and With all the stuff that I’m going through that I’m going to share with you guys in a couple of minutes here and I was friggin pissed off. I mean I was pissed off. I was having a horrible start to the day and feeling really attacked and I Wasn’t going to be passive-aggressive no I was going to assertively say I am friggin choked about this. I am so choked and I Was very real very real and and the end of that conversation? I let this person know you know what I? apologize we’re having to vent and be so Just in your face about this, but I had to get that out of my system And you know if I’ve hurt you I’m really sorry, but you needed to know the truth about how I’m feeling about this I’m not going to water it down. I’m not going to sugarcoat it My life isn’t isn’t a game. I’m not playing house. I was pissed off and If you have people in your life that you cannot be that real with the age of people. They ain’t your people and The people in your life need to be able to hear that sometimes they need to be able to hear you just spew it Spew your guts out get it out of your system now I don’t mean be abusive and attack an individual that’s not acceptable, but what I’m talking about Confucian have to dance around the truth so This is number three you got to be authentic So you need to know what your lies are the ones you’re believing you need to correct those with replacing those lies with truth Number three you need to give yourself freedom to be authentic even in the heated moments even in your areas of weakness don’t hide your weaknesses Don’t hide your inner self especially the things that maybe you’re not very proud of don’t hide those things from the world you are who you are your beautifully and wonderfully made and Let people know Who you are even to the depths of of your sorrow to the depths of your? Shame to the depths of your beauty the whole thing Don’t hide that from the world number four number four is Stop trying to prove to the world That you are someone Anyone anything at all? Don’t try to control What others think about you period Do not care what others think about you? Don’t even let it come into your mind Because what will happen is if you decide that you’re not going to try to censor or control the thoughts of others anymore? You free yourself you free yourself to the depths of me walking out of my closet here a little while ago And you walk into the light And it is a beautiful place and the second you can release yourself of those chains Those chains that have held you captive Oh my gosh, beautiful things start to happen So that is number four stop trying to control what others think about you You do not need to worry about it. It is not your business You need to understand that the thoughts that people have about you are their perceptions. They’re not real they’re not Necessarily even valid their thoughts So why would you allow someone else’s thought to govern who you are? I Mean you get one chance to be here you get one chance at this life To live your life to the fullest with nothing to prove Nothing to hide nothing to fear you get one chance to do that. Do you really want to let a Perception that’s in someone else’s mind Especially if it’s one of those toxic people that I was referring to before one of those toxic people This isn’t even a good person necessarily And you want to let them control your entire life Because you’ve decided to subject yourself to their perceptions. I mean to me that’s absolute insanity So number three was be authentic number four was stop trying to Control how other people view you what they think about you what their thoughts are when they think of you don’t worry about that Number five ties into what I was saying earlier and that is What if you are a complete dickhead? What if you’re not? really a person that you’re proud of what do you do then and In a couple of minutes when I get to my story about what happened this morning I’m going to share how I actually had to carry this out this morning because When you realize that you’re not perfect, and you’re okay with that There’s nothing bad anyone can say about you what can they say for example? Carol you’re a complete witch and I can’t stand you well What could be said if you were the one to have said that to them? Cindy I am being a complete witch right now. I realize this This is just where I’m at at the moment. It’s the best. They got for you. Sorry forgive me, but You know what right now, I? recognize them being a complete which I recognize that and and I wish that that wasn’t how I was feeling I wish that I could be authentic right now and not be thinking this way feeling this way acting this way, but this is me being real and And I wish I could give you better right now, but I can’t this is me You know what could somebody say to that what what is she going to say back to that? Well, you’re you’re a real witch. We know. They’re not going to say that They’re going to be you know what thank you for being real. Thank you for being honest. I mean 99.9% Of people are going to look at you when you’re in your moment of being weak And you’re authentic at the same time, and you’re just being real they’re going to be showing you and feeling highest levels of respect for you having the courage to just be that open and honest you know and So you have nothing to fear and if you decide you want to be authentic even in your weakness? You have nothing to fear anymore. You’re not held captive by any lies you’re not held captive by other people’s perceptions You’re willing to say okay. You know what what if one of the things is you are overweight? I’ve had this issue since I was putting on prednisone in my last pregnancy still carrying like 2030 extra pounds What if someone just decides on your youtube in the comments, they want to say well, you’re just fat Well what if you are fat? What if you look in the mirror or you get on the scale and you realize yeah? This isn’t probably the best-case scenario for me weight wise right now. St.. You know this ain’t great What could a person say if you were the one to acknowledge that you’re fat? I mean They have nothing over you then so if you were honest in your videos that you’re struggling with your weight Do you think someone’s going to say in the comments, you’re so fat? it would be so dumb to do that, so Being authentic means that whatever your weaknesses are whatever the things are that you’re not proud of You’re just honest with those you’re just open you just lay it out there like an open book. Hey, this is me This is what I’ve got for you the best. I’ve got is the best none can do and this is me from start to finish and The good the bad all of it You know what people find it really hard to criticize when you’re so open with your faults. You know they really do and So that’s number five if you’re a dickhead You know hopefully you can get better hopefully you can become a decent person someday But you know what stop trying to act like you’re not a dickhead if you actually are a dickhead you might as well just be real hey, I’m Suzy, I’m a dickhead you know you might want to watch out when you’re around me because I see lots of crap that’s going to piss you off and keep keep Arm’s length at all times, just like walk around with a caution sign tattooed to your forehead I don’t know, but people will appreciate that I can tell you that for sure Now getting on to point number six. This is one that I want you to memorize and I want you to say this to yourself every time one of those lies sneaked in especially if you get yourself Just about to serve that Lie again. I Want you to say to yourself that’s starting right now. You choose to serve your highest calling and not your ego and What that means when you say to yourself today? I choose To serve my highest calling and not my ego That means that you’re willing to drop All of it everything in your life that has to do with serving your ego That means if you are in a career right now that the only reason you’re in it is because of your ego well you really need to start thinking about maybe a career change then if the wit of the place that you’re living in life your how you have your lifestyle set up the vehicle you drive the clothes you wear the people you hang around with Whatever parts of your life are just all about ego, and they imprison you meaning you’re not even happy. You’re just You’re you’re one of those Little Brownie Guide Coaches because it makes you look good in the community Or you’re singing on the worship team because it makes you look good to the church. I don’t care what the situation is whatever you are being imprisoned by Because you are attempting to serve your ego instead of serving your purpose right now you decide that you are going to stop so I want you to make a list as part of this number six tip Making a decision that you are no longer going to serve your ego But you are going to choose to serve your purpose you’re going to write a list of everything you are doing in your life Everything in every area of your life that you are doing Specifically out of your desire to serve your ego and I want you to start working away on each of those on the list one by one and Work at ways of correcting that in your day to day tangible life you have to say to yourself I am done with serving my ego I desire I desire and I choose today to serve my purpose and Then start carrying out those actions one by one by making changes in each of those areas of your life where? Ito has you bound where you are imprisoned by your desire to serve your ego So that is number six. I really hope those six tips are going to be Foundational to rocking your world and setting you free so you can step out of that closet now Thank you for staying to the very end. I want to share with you what happened this morning and This is why I had to make this video Because I was so mad, and I was so hurt and I was so pissed off and I felt so be trade I was just going to make a video that just blasted Blasted these people I was so upset and then I had some time to calm down I had my tim Hortons, and I thought you know what? My life is about serving my community my mindful divergence community and being a leader Leaders don’t get revenge leaders don’t get bitter and hurt people leaders lead by example Leaders teach through their pain they teach and they mentor and they lead and they lead in a way that inspires Others to be the best version of themselves that they can be and I thought you know what? I’m going to make a video today That’s going to help people stop caring about what others think about them because I was giving way Too much power to these people this morning, and so here’s what happened guys I Woke up this morning, and I did the stupidest thing by checking my messenger and checking my texts before having my coffee That’s like a big no-no I was absolutely blasted, and I mean I was blasted with messages and texts from people that are related to me who I won’t obviously say who they are that had found my blog and had Found my YouTube videos and they had been watching them and They watched the videos about the truth about who my dad was and the fact that I just found out that It’s actually only been about four weeks guys since This news came out, so I’m going to share with you. What happened and a little earlier in the video I told you that when I was fifteen I Found out that the man who I believed to be my dad wasn’t that what I was told was that my uncle I was in relationship with them at the time that my uncle was actually my This is what I was told when I was 15 This is the truth that I believed from the time. I was 15 until one month ago, and I am 39 and so for the last couple of decades I have been getting to know this man because I believed he was my father and My intuition the whole time told me that when I was told he was my dad that it wasn’t true that was my intuition that I just didn’t believe it, so we decided a month ago to do a paternity test and it turned out my intuition was right, and he thought my dad and I’m in no way related to him actually Because the only reason we actually ever called him uncle was because he was a family friend He was never actually related although my mom was married to his brother for a little while And that’s why I thought that he was actually like related to me but he’s not and so last month I found out that I believed a lie ever since I was 15 about him being my dad and So all the way up till now I’ve never really known the truth about who my dad is and so if you go on to My channel if you’re subscribed you’re going to see there’s three or four videos now that go into how I found out the truth about my dad, and I guess some people in my family found those videos and they found some other videos where I spoke about my childhood and about my my marriage and a whole bunch of other things in my vlog And my vlog was meant to be to encourage you guys The Mindful divergence community it was never intended to be seen by people in my personal family and so I as you know I vlog very very openly and I Do my very best to protect people from I don’t really say horrible things about people or try to cut them down or make them look bad, but somebody in my family who I consider to be I Don’t really know this person very well It’s a distant relative But they have obviously a mental illness of some kind, and I don’t I’m not trying to cut this person down at all I’ve as I explained what she’s done. You’ll see that. Yeah, not a healthy person doesn’t do this kind of thing what she did she Went onto my channel she watched every video and every video that mentions another individual What she did was she? copied and pasted the Url link of the video and pasted it on to their Facebook from their personal Facebook profile page and the friends of that person so for example where I was speaking in my video about went when you know it’s time to leave a marriage and Like how you know it’s time to leave a marriage or if you should stay I go into my own personal story obviously about how I was married for 15 years and You know some of the things that took place in that marriage so this individual they went and they took a link of my personal blog and pasted it on my Ex-husband’s wall and From my understanding on to other people’s walls that he’s connected with to make him look like a monster Now she didn’t just do it with that video She took all of my videos and every single video that really Mentioned anybody else in any way shape or form that could humiliate them or make them look bad she pasted it on their wall and pasted it and sent it to other people they were in connection with to make them look bad and she used my videos to hurt tons of people and It’s just when I found out when I woke up this morning all of these people That had never seen my videos didn’t even know about my channel blasted me like calling me every name in the book and I had all these different family members and friends of family members just Losing it completely on me And it wasn’t just one or two texts. It was like a lot of people really really hurt and And it wasn’t so much that I had been honest in my videos About my life, it’s that those videos were broadcasted to the Walls of those individuals and all of their friends were seeing them and it was just making them look so bad and they were not videos that were ever intended for those people to see and I would have never sent those videos to those people and So I ended up Having to experiences this morning. That really made it that I had to Really dig deep to practice what I preach on Mindful divergence I mean, I was so choked this person hurt so many people in my family and And it’s not over yet. It is not over yet like this person is just running around reaping Havoc on my family right now and trying to turn everybody against everybody in using my videos to do it and it’s just so much drama and so I had a message that came in today from somebody through messenger and Honestly as soon as they said they want me to phone them. I just lost it on them. I was so upset I just said you know what no more drama. I’ve had it I can I can’t even believe this is happening and like me finding out that This guy I found out a month ago that he’s not actually my dad I found that out and now I don’t know who my dad is And this person is using this horrible thing that’s happened to me And they’re using it to break apart my family and hurt me And I just couldn’t even believe that somebody could do such a thing so what ended up happening is this person who was just trying to message me this morning and Bring it to my attention that this was going on I lost it on her, and I was so horribly rude And I was so real and I took my own advice and I told her I am so sorry But if you want to have dialogue with me right now And I am so friggin pissed. I say I am not going to be able to be nice to you I if I was nice to you, I’d be being a phony I can’t do it so rather We stop talking right now Or you’re just going to have to forgive me because I have nothing nice to say I don’t have a nice tone I’m not feeling happy I am not going to be able to be a very kind person to you right now and you know she just showed me all of this compassion and she felt horrible for what was going on and she was so loving and kind to me that it actually was a Bonding thing and if I would have been a phony if I would have taken my own advice If I would have just acted like ah you know no, big deal Or I would have hid from the conversation because I was ashamed that she would perceive me as being selfish and not nice That whole conversation would have happened and and it ended up really? Positively, because I was authentic because I took a risk of saying you know what if this person cannot handle me being real In my worst of moments, then they do not deserve to have me in their life And they are not my people that person is not my person and she proved to me. She is my person She is my people because she could take me being real and she didn’t take it Personally and in the end we ended up having an amazing conversation And she encouraged me greatly and then after that I had to go through and navigate another conversation with another family member and once again I was being very straightforward and very Candid and I would say overly assertive to the aggressive side And I just let them know like this is really a bad day And I am so choked and we navigated that conversation beautifully And it was extremely intense, but you know what I decided I don’t care anymore if people think I’m selfish because I know I’m not selfish I know that I’m not I know that I do my very best to help as many people as I can I serve as many people as I can I do the best that I can with what I’ve got and I just Decided you know what I have very very difficult Conversations to navigate through today, but I am not going to run I’m not going to hide I have nothing to prove I have nothing to lose I have nothing to fear and I’m just going to hit it dead on and I’m going to say what I got to say and if they don’t like It then I have no reason to be ashamed Because I’m being real and I’m not doing it to harm anyone. I’m doing it because I deserve to do it So I would say today It was probably the first time that I could say that I went through all of these six steps in my time of greatest Testing and I was able to carry it out, and it turned out to be for my good And I highly encourage you guys You got to know what your lies are You got to know what the truth is you have to be real you have to live with nothing to hide Nothing to prove nothing to fear nothing to lose Be authentic be authentic if you’re a dickhead Do it anyways don’t worry about it try to get better try to stop being a dickhead try to mature? Try to be less self-centered if you can make positive steps in the right direction You’re not going to be perfect nobody is perfect But guess what you might as well stop acting like you are because it imprisons you it holds you hostage It makes it that as you serve your ego. You’re crippled your hands are tied you can’t serve your purpose then and You want to serve your purpose? That’s why you’re watching this video. You don’t want to care what people think about you That’s why you’re watching this video. You don’t want to be a people pleaser anymore That’s why you’re watching this video, and I hope that you’ve written down all six of those pointers I’m still a little bit Shaken because I Know that this person out There is just hurting so many people because of my very words because of my due dier to teach and encourage she’s using that to hurt people that are closest to me and That enrages me, but I’ve decided to take my own advice today and to not Care what other people think about me. I know my own heart I know my own motives and I know why I’m doing all of this Now I promised you guys at the very end of the video I was going to tell you guys who my greatest mentors are three of them so Lisa Nichols Ken Davis, and Tony robbins those are three people that if you have not Watched their videos subscribe to their channels Read any other material. I highly highly recommend all of them. They have been instrumental for me over the years A lot of the foundational thoughts that I have and core values stem from Really tapping into the resources over the years especially times when I really needed them a lot and I’m really wanting this video to be a Dialogue and in my community here in the mindful divergence community and if you’re watching this video, you’re part of that community I mean, you are my people you made it to one hour eight minutes and six seconds and counting into this long video so if you made it this long You are my people I can tell you that because I’ve been on a tangent and I want to know your stories You know I want to know what it is that You guys have learned from this video and the biggest thing I really want to know is I shared with you guys one of my deepest darkest secrets And that is my whole life. I tried to hide from people that I was selfish and then I found out I wasn’t and I want to know what your guys is What your deepest darkest lies are that you have told yourself that you have believed that you’ve been trying to hide from the world Tell me share with everyone else what what are those lies that you’ve been believing and what’s the truth? And I really want to know and I want to participate in conversation and dialogue with you The other thing that I want to share with you guys And I’ll be sharing a a little bit about this at the end of every one of my video starting now Now that I understand how youtube really works, and that is that the reason that you came upon this video is because it was ranked fairly High the content to your search and the way that Youtube ranks the videos the highest is going to be based on how much activity and engagement the audience had so if you Really want to help me out serving my own calling and my purpose which is to inspire others I? Really would appreciate so much if you would like the video Because that bumps it up in the searches by sharing it or putting a comment you also bump it up in the search which really helps other people find the video instead of it being lost in the millions and ideally if you would like to subscribe to my channel You will be able to kind of stay on top of everything that I’m sharing in my vlog I share lots of things on my personal journey I Share a lot about my son The son I almost gave away Which is the book that I wrote so there’s all kinds of things that I talk about you can subscribe to specific Playlists if you’re only interested in my marriage related videos or homeschooling videos Ones to do with raising autistic child you can really just narrow it down to whichever playlist You’re interested in so yeah, this is this is about all I have for you guys I really hope that this video has helped you guys learn how to stop caring about what other people think of you Stop feeding your egos and live your purpose your highest calling This is Carol bird here. Please do like Share comment subscribe on the video. It really does help me so much Thank you guys so much And that is how to stop caring about what people think of you!