freedom from pain 3 [The Problem Of Attachments ]

Hi everybody. Professor Ball here and welcome back. Now we’re going to jump in and we’re going to talk about the problem of attachments. I love this section. It’s a great understanding of how your brain works as we go through this training you’re going to keep learning new tools strategies and techniques. And each one is going to have kind of a multiplier effect. You can have a stacking effect we’re gaining more and more and more skills. So you’ll feel better because of that but they’re also going to work synergistically in combination. They’re also going to logically support each other and they’re going to give you a huge toolbox if you only grab two or three skills out of here. It would literally transform your life. And that would be worth several multiples of what you paid for the course. But of course we’re going to give you dozens and dozens of skills but they’re just going to become more and more powerful. So I want you to go over this course. More than one time each time grabbing a new skill strategy or technique living with it for a few days and growing with it. By doing that you’re going to grow in leaps and bounds and you will have what freedom from pain. So right now we’re going to jump in and we’re going to talk about the problem of attachment. It’s one of the major life areas that causes us a massive amount of pain but we don’t even realize that it’s going on. So here’s the problem with attachments literally whatever you attach to is going to cause you pain. Think of it this way. What is an attachment an attachment is when I have a mental idea of something I make it very important to myself and therefore if I lose it don’t have it or have yet to gain it then I feel bad about. So attachments are ways that we can cause ourselves pain. Remember the title of the Course is freedom from pain. And this is one of the ways that you actually actively create pain in your life and you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Let’s take a look at specifically what I’m talking about when I say that what every attached to is going to cause you pain. Let’s do it through a few examples now here’s some typical attachments. A lot of times in life people say oh you know when I retire I’ll be happy when I get the car my dream. So let’s look at the car example when I get this car I’ll be happy. Is that true. Absolutely. If you get that gorgeous red sports car you will be happy for about 90 days. Now the payments are going to last longer than that but you’ll be happy for 90 days. Now here’s what you’re doing between now when you get that red sports car you are saying I don’t have it I don’t have it I don’t have it. And you’re feeling bad about not having it and it’s so far away then when you get close to it’s like oh you’re in pain because you can’t wait to get it. Then when you get it you’re right you’re absolutely joyous but you’re a little bit nervous because you just spent a bunch of money on it that you may or may not have had. You probably took part of it out loans right then you’re excited about you show all your friends you’re having a good time with it. You got that new car smell you feel fantastic when you drive off the lot but then party says Hey I’m driving off the lot I just lost a third of the value you know maybe this is a twenty thousand dollar car and I literally just dropped six thousand dollars by pushing on the accelerator so you can feel bad even as you’re in the midst of your joy. But 90 days later when they do studies with people people aren’t any happier than before they bought the car. But like I said the payments continue. So now you’re you’re going to be looking for in your life the next thing that you’re going to get excited about and you still have this massive debt. So this is what I mean when I say attachments hurt you they cause you pain then as your car gets older and you have to pay for and it gets worn down you start feeling bad about your car and then more pain more pain more pain maybe get in a car accident you lose your car and say Oh my God my beautiful red car I just lost it. And you feel bad. See how attachments hurt you now say like the jewelry box with the tiara and the gold watch and all that type of stuff. People get attached to a lot of things they want to buy things. My wife does this it’s called retail therapy. She feels great when she goes out and buys herself a new pair of shoes a piece of jewelry a new dress. She did this week we just went to the mall. She spent twenty five dollars she got herself a new dress. She felt fantastic but she’s just going to shove it in the closet and now she’s got to pay for that on her credit card. Now I went ahead and bought it for her and made it an early birthday present. But what is she gonna do. She can take that same amount of money and go out and buy another one. I literally have boxes of her clothes out in my garage filling about half of my garage. Now I’ve got a walk in closet. I’ve got a closet my office. We’ve got a closet in the guestroom. And like I said we’ve got half the garage filled with her clothes. We’ve got extra bureaus out in the garage filled with her clothes. She has taken her bureau half a mile and a nightstand and half the drawers in the guestroom all with clothes and she’s no happier in the day that I met her. But if she ever had to throw those clothes out she would not feel bad and she feels bad about all the money she spent on it. So attachments will always hurt you. Here’s what you do with attachments. You’re trying to find something that is outside yourself to make yourself feel better. Let me define addiction. You try to take something outside yourself to make yourself feel better. Now that could be alcohol cocaine heroin or shopping. Right. It’s something outside yourself to make yourself feel better. Remember happiness is an inside job. So anytime you try and do it from the outside to something on the outside world to make yourself feel better inside you always always lose. It’s very short lived. It will actually cause you more pain than pleasure. Let’s say we go back to the car example how many hours do you have to go in work how much misery Do you have to go through to feel good for that 90 days. That car may cost you almost as much as you earn in a year. So you get 90 days of pleasure a little bit of pleasure once in a while when you think about the car you’re driving around the car you’re told the friend about a car a little bit of pleasure but you had to spend about 2000 hours an entire year of your life if you live to be 100 that’s at least 1 percent of your life gone just to feel a little better for 90 days. Are you kidding me. This is why attachments hurt us so much. We start thinking that inner success and happiness is about things it isn’t it’s more about a feeling state it’s more about being OK on the inside. That’s we’re going to teach you throughout this course how to be moral OK on the inside. In fact I feel great on the inside almost regardless of what’s going on on the outside. It’s this addiction to having things outside you make you feel better. That’s hurting you so much. It’s the problem of attachments now a lot of people you see little 3D guy there with the money they say Oh when I get a massive amount of money and I have security then I’ll be happy. This is an attachment to a date in the future. And basically you plan to feel miserable or at least not be happy until you reach this goal. Well for some people they don’t hit this goal into retirement and 40 percent of the country is really sad and the richest country in the world don’t even make it then they don’t have enough to retire on. They have to keep working literally till they drop. Now if you put off happiness for that long because an attachment to money guess what you’re going to have challenges. And even if you ever get the money you say oh now I got the money I’ve security but you’re going to worry that something’s gonna come by. Somebody’s going to steal your money or you’re going to get sick and it’s going to soak it all up. Did you know that I believe the figure is 75 percent of all bankruptcies three out of four are for medical expenses. And I think about 75 to 80 percent of those people had full insurance and they still went bankrupt. So money can come and money can go. It’s this attachment to it that’s hurting you. Why can’t you just joyously earn the money. Go along have fun make the money. Don’t worry about it. Plan. Work hard stored away. Save it. But don’t worry about don’t become attached to it. Don’t make it something that determines your happiness. Actually live your life don’t live your life to make money live your life simply to live it to enjoy it. Now here you can see the gentleman down the bottom middle. He’s planning and scheming and he’s worried about his business or his career or his vision of how I’m going to be successful. And you’re plotting and scheming and you’re getting attached to your ideas of what has to happen in order for you to be happy. These are thoughts and goal attachments. Now again these things can take years and years and years to come into fruition. They will frustrate you the entire time along the way causing more pain more anxiety more angst. And why are you going after them ostensibly to make you what happy but they make you miserable along the way. Very few people in life know how to actually succeed. Even fewer people in life know how to succeed joyfully and enjoy the process. And if you do it joyfully and you’re enjoying the process that might be a good way to do it. But for most people it’s an attachment. And they go through their whole life doing this. Oh I’ve got to be successful in high school so I get to a good college when I get in a good good college. Then I’m going to get great grades or you know the next person is not going to hire me. Then you get out and you go into the workaday world and oh I got to get hired at this certain firm or whatever. And then I got to get this next promotion and you know I don’t really want to be working for anybody I’ve got to get my own business you know or I’ve got to become you know Vice President and then CEO and then I’ve got to be you know regional manager whatever your goal is where ever you are. They call this the tyranny of better. You want something better than that and better than that and better than that. So no matter where you are because you’re attached to these ideas OK you can say I’ve got ideas above that you are never going to feel happy. And we’ve got a lot of ideas about things. Our ideal weight in our accomplishments and our purpose in life and how we should be and what we should be and who we should be and what we should have. We’ve got all these different ideas and we don’t realize that our attachment to these ideas is making us miserable. Let me give you one other simple example. See the handsome couple here the man and the woman they’re up by the pool. As you look at this picture you’re thinking boy those lucky bastards and they’re rich and they’re young and they’re sitting by the pool and. Isn’t it great to be beautiful like that. You know the girls thinking I’m too fat I’m too thin my legs are too long they’re too short my boobs are too big they’re too small I should a smile bigger my hair looks terrible. The lighting is bad. You know I shouldn’t have worn that bikini I shouldn’t wear that had I shouldn’t have done this that I think she’s shooting on herself. She feels awful and 99 out of 100 women would kill to look like her. The guys think of the same thing he’s not doing any better he’s thinking my arms are a little too skinny I should work my pecs my hairline used to be a quarter inch lower you know I should have shaved a little closer you know all these different things you know my body weight my fat percentage isn’t right they’re all looking at the floors instead of what’s great about the situation and even as you might be looking at this you’re like Hey how come I don’t have a guy or a girl that looks like that or how come I personally don’t look like that guy or that girl how come I can’t just sit by the pool maybe I’m a failure all these things are attachments to ideas that are making you feel bad about yourself can you see how bad attachments are you need to let them go get rid of them you can have goals you know if you’re that guy and you say hey I want my pecs to be bigger go to the gym and work on your packs but don’t feel bad about your pecs see my pecs are OK and tomorrow they’ll be better and the next day they’ll be great and even that. Don’t worry about it because you’re not your body and your body is eventually going to go away we’re all gonna get old and then we’re all ultimately gonna die. So when we become attached to I have to look a certain way be a certain way have certain things you are causing yourself massive pain and you say oh this is normal everybody does it. Absolutely it’s absolutely normal and it causes massive pain in people’s lives so new philosophy instead of becoming attached to everything that has everything to do with nothing. Here’s what I want you to do. Focus on nothing that doesn’t bring in joy or Serenity. This philosophy alone is worth the price of the course. What I do is I go through every thought I have during the day and I ask myself is this thought bringing me joy or Serenity is it somehow making me happy essentially and if it’s not doing that then I need to remove the negative emotion attached with it or all emotion attached with it or go back to another thought that brings me joy happiness or Serenity. So say I’ve got a business project that I’ve got to work on and I’m worried about all the timing and can I get it done on time and this is going to make money and you know should I be doing something else and gosh is it going to be so hard. You know what I do. I say no this is going to be a great training I’m going to help a lot of people. This is going to bring joy and serenity into their life. I’m going to feel absolutely fantastic with a sense of accomplishment when I get it done. It’s gonna be fun doing it’s really like having a conversation with a friend. That’s all I’m doing right now. I get paid to have a conversation with a friend that helps a friend and you throw me a dollar tip. Thousands of people do that. Recently got thousands of dollars coming in. Why. Because I help people and those thoughts bring joy or Serenity into my life. So it’s not that I’m going to get totally off that topic I’m going to change the way that I think about things to make sure it matches with my singleness of goal which is joy or Serenity. So a lot of times we need to change our explanatory style how we explain things to ourselves our descriptive style literally the words we use to describe it and make sure it is in alignment with feeling joy or Serenity. This is going to take a lot of practice try to live with this one strategy for a couple of days. Now a lot of times you just walk it around me have you taken a walk up and down the street you drive it in your car notice the things that you say to yourself and say Is this thought bringing me joyous or ready if it’s not cut it off. And think of something that will bring you joy or Serenity just makes sense. Try this technique for a few days. This is going to help free you from a lot of pain a lot of anxiety. And remember you’re training your brain you’re creating thought habits. So you’re getting in the habit of making yourself feel bad or you’re getting in the habit of making yourself feel good. This philosophy retrain your brain and it will literally in the neurology rewire itself to think more positively. And this isn’t just positive thinking all think happy thoughts think happy thoughts go to your happy place No you’re retrain the way your brain thinks about things to use positive mental imagery thoughts and words to achieve your goals joyously as you go through life and not to bring negativity. Believe me right now the reason most people took this course is their brain is literally trained to suck in negativity from the world around them. It’s not your fault. The brain is actually hard wired this way. That’s why the news is so negative. They know that our brain as a defense mechanism watches for the negative because think of it this way if I’m running it you really really fast. What’s more important your survival to figure out if I’m running at you with a knife or a gift it’s the knife right. So our survival mechanism our primary mental mechanism which is survival will always look at the negative first and the positive second. It might even look at the negative first second third fourth and fifth look at the positive sixth or seventh so you have to turn all these negatives that are seeping into your mind and transform them into the positive there’s always a positive form of it even if I get like a huge bill in the mail you can say oh damn I got this huge bill and I wasn’t expecting it you could feel awful about that or you can say oh good I got this huge bill but I’m paying it off and it’s gone one less. That’s how I do it. Now you’re doing the same act of cutting the exact same check but you feel totally different about your retraining your brain. Think of it this way. I have a bill I feel bad about it. I pay the bill three steps got a bill feel bad about it pay the bill. Can you spot the unnecessary step. It’s feeling bad about it. He feel nothing or like I did transform it. Thank goodness I’m getting rid of this and feel a little bit good about it and drive on makes sense. Great now along with this here’s another great philosophy. It’s about goal setting. What would happen if I made happiness and love. My only goals. Those are literally my only goals in life. There’s actually a course called existentialism. You take it when you go to college and the crazy thing about existentialism is is it’s the study of life and as you look at existence existentialism comes from the root word existence. You realize that life actually has no meaning. You’re a speck of dust floating in an ocean called the universe you know and everything is meaningless and yet had horribly depressed. And then the teacher says No no snap out of it. Why. Because given the fact that there is no ultimate purpose in life you can decide what your purpose in life is. I decide my purpose in life is to be happy because that’s the only one that makes sense. Virtually every religion every system always tries to get you back into happiness because being happy and enjoying your life enjoying the journey and helping others. Those are really the ultimate purpose in life so you should make it a life goal. Matter of fact you should make it your only goal. Even if you have secondary goals say I want to build my business why do I want to build my business so I’ll have a bunch of money so I’ll have security. But why do you want money and security so I’ll be happy. And why can’t I be happy joyously achieve while I’m doing that and enjoy the whole process. My parents and I wasted to a Montgomery Ward store when I was a kid. That’s how I learned about business. We had a little catalog store and you could look at it as you work at 60 hours a week and I was making 5 bucks a week. And I’m a kid and I’m working too damn hard and why do my parents make me do this. This is horrible. Or you could say hey you know what I love my parents. I want to be happy doing this. So isn’t it great that I get to be with my parents. They’re my best buddies and my other friends come in. They’re called my customers but this is a social thing we mostly talk and chat. Yeah they buy something and we do a little order and stuff like that. But that’s five minutes and they might be there 20 minutes so 15 minutes is having fun and chatting and whatever. It’s very social so I like that piece. I like that I was a young kid. I’m only I was 13 to maybe 20 years old doing this business and I got to learn the entire business very few kids get to do that. I also felt like I was helping my parents out. My parents had five kids. My dad worked two three jobs at a time my mom worked part time she took care of the kids I knew I was helping them to save up for retirement see all the different ways that I was able to accomplish my goal and still feel great about it if I kept happiness and love is my only goal. So great strategy great system make sure you use this one and you have a key problem with thinking thinking is literally a problem. There’s an old phrase by discards I believe that says I think therefore I am in the Buddhist and the Zen philosophies. We say I think therefore I am not thinking has to do with your ego your false persona you have all these random ideas that you’re thinking thinking thinking instead of living your life you are actually thinking about your life. You don’t look at a flowering and smell it and touch it and enjoy the beauty of it. You think flower and you’re actually enjoying the concept of flower in the picture in your mind as opposed to enjoying the damn flower in front of you. Isn’t that strange. You have the very thing that you want and you’re using the word the concept the thought and the image of it and maybe a memory of the last time you interacted with a rose or you gave a rose to a girlfriend or something. You’re not even in the moment with the actual rose and there it is. The thing that you actually want it. So in the Zen philosophy and the Buddhist philosophy a lot of times we say I think therefore I am not. And when you’re thinking studies have shown 90 percent of all thoughts are negative 5 percent are neutral at about 5 percent are positive. Therefore when you’re thinking you’re not actively the experience you’re more in memory and you’re in a negative state see the all the different problems with thinking. We’ll talk more about the challenges with thinking in future sections because thinking is actually a major problem. People literally don’t know how to think. And by that I don’t mean how to put logic together. I mean how to control thoughts and sometimes even eliminate thinking. So you do more being in more experiencing now the second problem with thinking is its thinking which feeds the ego and the ego is only job is to maintain itself. By giving you massive pain this false persona this ego this image of yourself this false image of yourself keeps itself alive by thinking thinking thinking in a constant stream. They call a stream of consciousness you think. One thought after the other. Well what are those thoughts. They’re negative. And if the ego’s creating all those negative thoughts why is it doing that. Because as it creates pain it keeps you focused on the pain but not focused on the real problem which is what the ego itself. So if you want to get rid of the ego one of the ways that you do it to get rid of this negative ego this inner critic is to cut down the thinking when you’re thinking negative thoughts you’re feeding it. And what you feed grows and what you starve dies. So by eliminating the sheer amount of thinking you do and especially the negative thinking that you do you’re gonna be starving that ego that inner critic and you’re gonna be significantly reducing your pain. Now listen to this very carefully. Your ability to stop or prevent mental pain literally lies in your ability to control or stop your thoughts. If you’re thinking a negative thought do you know how to cut it off we call this thought stoppage or thought interruption. So a couple of different ways you can stop the mental pain by stopping the negative thought you can turn a negative thought to a positive thought. Of course we talked about that earlier that’s fairly simple right or you can change the focus. If you’re thinking that something negative you can switch it to anything you could literally grab an object off a shelf like I’ve got this air freshener here and start reading the ingredients. Now what am I thinking about the ingredients on the label or my negative thoughts. I’m thinking about the ingredients on the label because whenever you read something you’re focusing on it and you hear the words sub vocalized in your head. All of a sudden your own thoughts go away. That’s the easiest way to do a pattern interrupt is simply to focus on something else. I’ve got a cup of coffee on my desk I have a sip right now there’s a delicious Mm hmm. Now if I think about how I made that cup of coffee and what ingredients I put inks I like to put a lot of different herbs and things like that and powders and proteins and things like healthy stuff in there if I think about that for just like 20 30 seconds whatever negative thought I was thinking about earlier disappears. Now I’ve even shorten this just to have the experience of the cup of coffee. I’ll take another sip. How is that sip helpful in removing my thoughts. Well I focused on the cup. I remembered where I got the cup from. It was a Christmas present I got it in Florida. I focused on the way to the cup the coolness of the cup the taste of the coffee the flavor in my mouth the feeling of it going down my throat. I just basically did mindfulness simply being mindful of everything noticing everything that’s going on and that refocused me on something that wasn’t a thought. I got more into a tactile sensory experience than a thinking experience and bang that stopped the thought. So there’s an old Zen expression old shall in expression simply states if you can’t control your mind you’ll be. You can be certain you won’t control anything else. So you’ve got to take this section seriously. How can I stop my thoughts prevent my thoughts change my thoughts. Once you can do that you will have massive control over your emotional and mental states. This is absolutely huge. OK you guys are doing absolutely fantastic. I ran a little bit over in this section. Now we’re going to jump into the next section. We’ve got some great tools and strategies for you. I’ll see it in the very next training.

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