Facing Anxiety Alone | invisible i


Have a nice chilled Anxiety chat – that doesn’t
make any sense because Anxiety is in no way, shape or form ‘chilled’! Hey everyone, it’s Katy and welcome back to
my channel. You guys are loving the casual sit down videos on Friday, so I thought I’d
do another one, casually sit down and chill. But today we’re going to be talking a little
bit about Anxiety, seems like ages since I’ve sat and spoken about my Anxiety so I thought
I would do that today! So I thought I’d have a little chilled chat
about Anxiety mainly because I’ve kind of come to a bit of realisation about mine recently
and I just wanted to run it by you guys and see if any of you feel the same way or experience
this side of Anxiety. But basically, when I was first diagnosed back in 2013, I was
experiencing anxiety on a massive scale. It was a 24/7 thing, daily multiple panic attacks,
everything Anxiety could possibly throw at a person, it threw at me and it was constant
thing and it was just there all the time and I hated that. But as my anxiety has improved,
it’s not there 24/7 which is fab and I love that and I love having a bit of relief from
it. And if you are in that stage of Anxiety where it’s a constant thing, know that that
is not permanent, cause when I was in that state I thought that was my life at that point
and I was like ‘this is what it’s going to be like now, I’m going to be anxiety for the
rest of my life’. Just know that it’s a horrible place to be in but it’s not permanent and
you will get out of that stage. But as my anxiety has improved and only certain things
trigger it now – it’s not a constant thing – it’s so much easier to manage in one sense
but in another sense, it’s quite difficult t manage because there’s that unpredictability
about it. When my anxiety was a 24/7 thing, I woke up thinking ‘right OK, my anxiety is
there, I’m gonna have panic attacks today, so what, so be it, that’s just the way I am
now’ and because of that, I never feared my own anxiety. I never thought ‘oh God, what
if I have a panic attack today?!’ cause it was always a case of ‘I’m going to have a
panic attack today!’ But now I’m in this stage where there is that
air of unpredictability about it cause it isn’t constant. So I wake up and I don’t feel
anxious but then I am constantly thinking ‘oh, maybe my anxiety could come today’ or
‘what if my anxiety comes today?’ because we all know that Anxiety is a condition that
can come and just slap you in the face at any given time.There is that air of unpredictability
and you’re always constantly wondering and worrying about it coming back.
And because of that, when I’m doing a lot of things outside of the house with friends
or family members and I know that there is a air of anxiety around it – so if I am entering
an anxiety-ridden situation r I know that I am going to potential trigger – I feel really
insecure about my own anxiety in that moment. I get so embarrassed by it now because it’s
not a constant thing and it’s not a massive side of me like it was back in 2013. It is
still a side of me but it’s becoming gradually a smaller side of me – which is great and
I love that and I love that anxiety isn’t all of who I am now. But with that comes quite
an insecurity about it and then when it does arise and does come out, I’m quite scared
and fearful of what other people are going to think about that because they haven;t seen
me in that state for a very, very long time. It can creep up on me but it can also creep
up on the people around me as well because they’re not expecting me to suddenly go into
a panic attack or suddenly have anxiety. It can be quite scary for them as well and I
always fear that and I’m quite embarrassed at the thought of that happening.
But with that being said, at the start of 2016, I said to myself that I wanted to conquer
my anxiety even more and continue to conquer my anxiety because anxiety is a daily thing
that you have to get over and there’s always that saying of ‘do something that scares you
everyday’, when you have anxiety that is a real situation and doing something that scares
you everyday is a real prospect and it is can be a very real reality for a lot of people
with anxiety. At the beginning of 2016, like most of us, I set a little resolution and
I wanted to try and put myself in more anxious situations to know that it’s OK to be anxious
and that even though I have anxiety, it’s not going to stop me from living my life and
having fun. So I started to put myself in ‘exposures’
and if you don’t know what an exposure is, it is basically when a person puts themselves
in an anxiety-ridden situation that is bound to trigger their anxiety in order to learn
how to deal with it. It’s used a lot in therapy nowadays with CBT and just general psychology
and counseling, exposure therapy is a really, really good way of trying to conquer anxiety
disorders. Because it is all well and good sitting in a doctor’s office and talking about
tips and tricks on learning to deal with anxiety but when you are actually in that situation
and you feel anxious an you have a panic attack, all those tips and tricks go out the window
and all you can focus on is that on situation. So a lot of people benefit from the fact that
being in that situation, you are already in that anxious state and then you’re learning
how to deal with it in that state and not when you’re just sitting in the doctors office.
So a lot of people find that beneficial and I was starting to do that with myself, just
casually! I’ve had anxiety for God knows how many years now, what? 3 years? and I know
my own limits, I know what I feel comfortable with when it comes to my anxiety so I thought
‘right OK, I’m just going to push the boat out’ – not in a way that’s going to make me
feel unsafe or jeopardise my mental health. But I just thought ‘you know what? I’m just
going to give it ago and see if I can put myself in more situations where I know that
my anxiety is going to be triggered’. And when I spoke to my family and friends
about this, of course, the natural reaction was ‘oh we can do this together and we can
do this’ and ‘we can always go through these anxiety-ridden situations together’ and that
is such a lovely reaction from my friends and family and it was something that a lot
of people I know don’t get. They don’t get that support, that ‘oh we’ll come with you
and if you panic then that’s fine, we can take you home’, a lot of people don;t have
that support network and I was really grateful for that. But then when it actually came down
to it and I thought about it, the thought about going into an anxiety-ridden situation
where I know the probability of me having a panic attack is quite high, having someone
around me makes me very scared and makes me more anxious. Basically, it makes me more
anxious being in a anxiety-ridden situation with people who I know – that makes me more
anxious than I need to be. So doing an exposure therapy on my own or just going into a situation
where I know I am going to be anxious on my own isn’t as intimidating for me anymore because
I’ve, sort of, rationalised it in my head and thought ‘actually, if I do it on my own,
I’m less likely to go into panic’ because I can just focus on the situation around me
and I don’t have to focus on upsetting everybody else or causing distress to anybody else or
planting a horrible memory for someone else. I think that’s the biggest thing, I don’t
like people to see me in that state because I know that that will be a memory that they
hold of me and I don’t like people who are close to me having memories of me when I am
in that anxious state. I like people to remember me as I am, in my best state, not when I am
feeling anxious. And when you’re in a situation where it’s just you with your own anxiety
and you’re in a situation – like for me, my biggest triggers are places where are other
people are generally so things like town and busy places and new places and crowds and
things like that – there are bound to be other people around me, so it’s not like I am on
my own and if people in that situation see me in an anxious state, I have the comfort
in knowing that I’m never going to see them again! They’ll forget about it the next day
and I’ll forget about it the next day, it’s never going to be a memory that’s going to
be brought up again because no one that I know in my everyday life holds that memory
apart from me. I’m rambling now! I am not sure if this video
makes any sense, but yeah, I just enjoy facing anxiety alone and it’s not something that
I feel like a lot of people feel is OK because we’re always taught to have support there
when it comes to anxiety – and for a long time in my videos I always said ‘if you want
to do something like an exposure, have someone with you because it’s comfort and support’
and then in the back of my mind I was thinking ‘I would hate that!’ and now I’m like ‘I definitely
hate that, I wouldn’t want to go with anybody else!’.So I am not advising that you just
suddenly go out and conquer your anxiety on your own because you need to know your own
body, know your own limitations and it’s something that you need to think a lot about.
So this was a ramble, this is a nice causal Friday ramble! But I hope you’ve enjoyed this
video, let me know any thoughts or experiences that you’ve had that kind of relate to this.
If any of you out there can get a little bit of, like, ‘oh actually, that’s me and I relate
to that!’. Let me know in the comments below if this is something you have experienced
before. But yeah, hope you’ve had a really good day and I will see you soon – bye guys!

17 thoughts on “Facing Anxiety Alone | invisible i

  1. I've never really thought about it from that angle, I've always hated the thought of strangers seeing my anxiety & this causes me more anxiety…😣 I've always used family when out to focus upon & ride the wave so to speak, but they can always stand in front of me to hide what's really going on haha but I really can see how doing it on my own could be more helpful, I'm just not there yet 😔

  2. I like the point you made about not wanting to put the burden of that memory on a family member. Sometimes it's hard to put into words how one feels about a situation like that where normally people tell you support is a good thing, but in a roundabout way, that's not always the case. so I really just liked the way you explained it

  3. Hi Katy
    I have just started watching your vids and enjoy them very much,thankyou.
    There are sooooo….many areas you touch on that I can so much relate to but anxiety has become an even bigger concern to me over the past year.

    I have suffered the great invisible illness of FM for many years and like most of us can go from what I would consider as being a strong and upbeat person almost an extrovert to being stripped naked and rained upon by a big black cloud in the form of pain,anxiety and depression!

    I do everything I possibly can and know about to manage my condition but it will still appear from nowhere and take me down with it.I have recently had to take almost two weeks off work following a bad flare up which has given me bucket loads of pain,sleepless nights and awful anxiety to the point where taking my puppy Henry for a short walk just felt so raw and uncomfortable I just couldn't wait to close my front door behind me again.

    Having had the worse pain levels and lack of sleep for almost two weeks yesterday,like many times before this is often the tail end of the flare up and I am almost in an instant becoming hyperactive again and have already contacted my employer to say I will return to work tomorrow(Friday)despite being signed off by my doc until Monday.
    I just rambled there a bit sorry and to think a few hours ago I could barely move and was in the depths of a fatigued fibro fog!!
    I just wandered if you or anyone else tend to experience this sudden lift of adrenaline at the end of a flare up?

    Kindest regards Alan in the UKx

  4. I am definitely the same way! It is much easier when you know you won't ever see those people again. I also find that for the same reason it's easier to talk to a stranger, of even someone who is outside of my main circle of friends and family (like my counselor) about my anxiety and depression than it is to talk to my family, especially those who don't really understand it, because they won't see you in your normal everyday life, so it doesn't bring those negative thoughts into the day-to-day. I don't know if that makes sense. lol

  5. I was given a weighted blanket for chronic pain issues today. A cool side effect is calming. apparently people with autism spectrum have found benefit. Have you tried?

  6. Yeah, when I'm feeling anxious, around people that I know, I'm like, "Omg why are you here? Go away!" because generally they just want to coddle me and don't really understand what I need in that situation. And then when I'm anxious ALONE I wish they WERE there to help me through it. ??? So… I know I can't have it both ways, I just wish my anxiety would make up its mind! Like, do you want someone with you or not?

  7. when I am around people or crowds I get that same feeling of anxiety I start feeling dizzy then feel like my whole body is shaking then I just lock up and can't speak it is really challenging for me to go through

  8. Do u when your anxiety kicks in do u get hot and sweaty a lot in social situations cause that's what happens to me

  9. For me, I find my husband really helpful when I'm having an anxiety attack because he can make me focus and despiral more readily than others. But if I'm out without him, I can deal with it also, especially if I have one or both of my kids with me because I know they're counting on me, and I can't completely freeze up. I hope you're dealing with your anxiety well.

  10. have u actually been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? cos the person who diagnosed me with ASD said oh u got an anxiety disorder but never said what it was and u know so wanna know if it is the same for u

  11. I go shopping with someone with me. But I try not to show my anxiety. I’m just sticking to the person like a shadow.
    I think if I go through my Trigger situation (crowded places, town etc.) I’ll do that on my own.

  12. I have that when I have to be in line at a store because of my rape !!!!😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😞😤😭😵

  13. This video makes perfect sense, it makes me feel so much better, especially the part where you talk about putting yourself in 'the situations' when you realised you prefer to deal with them alone. I just love the feeling of 'OMG SAME', okay.

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