Dissociative Identity Disorder – Our Story – Attempted Switching


hey everyone Zach here we got an ask our
tumblr about how and when we found out we had D ID did it impact us negatively
and where we ever misdiagnosed it’s been about a year since we were diagnosed by
our therapist we’ve always been here and our partner Bex and the therapists have
been able to look over the past few years and see like where I was hanging
out and stuff but we were a really hidden system and think a lot of the
reason it took so long to get diagnosed is because growing up Mayer didn’t know
a whole lot about D ID mental health was a really stigmatized thing and her
family and so the education just wasn’t there regarding it she’s always hurt us she realizes that
now that she’s always heard us talking to her but when we would explain to
therapists about the racing thoughts and stuff like that and all the all the
things she heard in her head people always said that it was what inner
dialogue was so she just thought that’s how everybody thinks when they talked to
themselves in their head that they hear responses clearly that’s not the case so it’s been about a year the system
started to sort of fall apart several years ago and started to be less hidden
and late last year our partner Bex sent us took a break over some stuff and mer
went out and had sex with a guy but she had doesn’t remember it and when she
found out and was talking to her therapist about it
she was really confused because mare is a lesbian she has absolutely no
attraction to dudes so it obviously a really confusing thing for her to have
done and her therapist started asking questions because mares always known
therapists always known that she has dissociation just always thought that it
was part of another disorder she was diagnosed with borderline personality
disorder for many years and dissociation is part of borderline personality
disorder so it just kind of got chalked up to that the reason that I think it
took so long to get diagnosed is that nobody asked the right questions which I
don’t blame them because mare does not volunteer a whole lot of information she
tends to be pretty private in regards to like like deep things about herself like
you can get to know her on a surface level but to really get to know her
she’s a pretty private person so she didn’t offer up much information like
even until last year so both of our therapists knew that there was some
trauma but neither one of them details they knew that there were
several years from mares childhood that mares always called The Blackout ears
because she has no memory of several years when she was a kid there was just
always more pressing things to deal with than exploring that until recently so
those years aren’t so blacked out anymore and it makes a whole lot of
sense as to why we are a system there still struggles with denial like
the diagnosis makes sense we fit every part of it with the separate
personalities and amnesia and does everything really that you can think of
she’s always fit it just it took a long time for people to put the pieces
together because she’s so private she was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager sorry
we put trolls on for the baby and I was really wanting to watch it
we got diagnosed with ADHD in our teens because we fit the symptoms of it but
obviously what people failed to look at was that it wasn’t true ADHD it’s just
really hard to focus when you have a ton of people talking in your head then in
her early 20s is when she started to get real sick just because there was a lot
of things going on sorry still fighting off the pneumonia there’s a lot of
things going on Mara was was really confused she’s always felt different to
everybody and she started using drugs pretty heavily which really did not help
things and it’s when her bad dissociative episodes started to happen
so she got hospitalized a ton for several years and people just kept
missing it the moodiness was chalked up to bipolar
disorder but it makes sense that that’s not what it was because the meds
never worked she took everything you can think of for bipolar and nothing ever
made her better she went and the day program at Ridge View she did it twice
and they finally decided they couldn’t help her that she just wasn’t getting
better there was absolutely no recovery happening so she was like 25 or so she
ended up getting admitted to Skyland Trail which is a long-term mental health
facility which is actually the best one we’ve ever been to
they have your typical like psycho ed and group therapy and stuff and they do
individual therapy but they also focus really strong on like holistic therapies today’s a dizzy day man
as someone’s trying to come out but I don’t know it is but anyway they do a
lot of like music therapy and art therapy and gardening therapy and all of
that so it’s one thing that really helped mer get to a more functioning
place and I think it really helped her because it allowed her to kind of slow
down and do the things that she wanted to do because she’s always had a life of
like high expectations um like right after high school she didn’t want to go
straight into college she didn’t know what she wanted to do so she actually
wanted to move back to Ireland where our brother lives and lived with him for a
few years and work and just sort of you know try to figure out what she wanted
to do with their life and all of that but with the pressures that she’s always
understand going to college and yeah she dropped
out she got really sick and ended up dropping out so with that she was so
focused on trying to be who she thought she needed to be and you know build this
massive career and just do everything perfectly like she’d been raised to do
that she just ended up getting really really sick from it and spent a ton of
years in and out of the mental health system so Skyland Trail helped her kind
of slow down and take a look at her mental health and take a look at the
things she was struggling with and the DI D was still missed but she was
allowed to slow down and she was a lot to focus a lot on her art which was
really helpful or it’s a really big part of our life
like that will ever make a career out of it but it’s one of those like it just
helps us heal it helps us kind of express the things that we have a hard
time putting into words I don’t know who’s trying to come out but they didn’t
need to come out or chill out so we spent about a year there and then when
we left we got into a not so great relationship what a great thing that
came from it was that we had our biological son Kalin and ended up
meeting our current partner so now we have a very busy life because she had
three kids and then her and Mara ended up having a baby together so now we have
a total of five kids and it’s chaos but it’s really helpful
because the kids help kind of keep mayor busy and you know stand up her head
because she tends to overthink absolutely everything she’s a very
critical and logical thinker so she’s always in her head with the denial
yeah the denial is a big part of our life like I don’t have denial but Mayor
yeah you watch these stupid Hollywood movies and stuff and just reading about
di D from an intellectual standpoint seems pretty extreme so a lot of times
she just thinks that she’s being crazy for lack of a better word I guess we’re
here to reassure her her therapist reassures her her partner reassures her so yeah we’re a therapist diagnosed her with D I
D it like all clicked for the therapist and former therapist was able to look at
her and be like you know makes sense that in 15 years of treatment you’ve
never really gotten better like some symptoms have been alleviated to a
degree but she’s never gotten better not really
she’d have periods of doing great I mean there was times where she’d be working
three jobs and making crazy money and then times where it would just all fall
apart like right now she’s not able to work so
a lot of the focus right now is just on treatment and trying to get better and and but she still has denial over it
even though it’s just so obvious and we’re all a part of her every day so I
hope that helps answer your questions if you have any other questions feel free
to leave it in the messages below or send us a message on tumblr or whatever
I know it’s not the most exciting video but we did want to answer because don’t
know if this will help anybody else out there that’s having similar experiences
or questioning whether they have the ID or not I hope it helps to at leisure our
experience of getting diagnosed alright peace out

21 thoughts on “Dissociative Identity Disorder – Our Story – Attempted Switching

  1. So much courage it requires to come out and share your story. Thank you. It’s helping so much and yes, Art is a very big part of our lives. ❀️❀️

  2. Mear you are not crazy at all, you have dissociative identity disorder. I'm so sorry to hear that you are not able to work!! I'm here to support you and send you love, and learn about your very real, very helpful yet terrifying to experience disorder! Wishing you the best of luck with healing, you are so so so so sooooo amazing!

  3. I understand absolutely why you would be in denial about it still sometimes Mare, the DID stigma demolishes you so much! Your system was meant to help you cope with what you went through and your everyday life! I'm glad your now familiar with other incredible channels like Dissociadid and The Entropy System, there is also Multiplicity and me, The Labyrinth System, and I'm sure many more did educating Youtube channels! There should be no shame at all in feeling in denial of having DID or in knowing and accepting you have it either! I love you so much in all your forms, all beautiful, all unique! That's another way to look at it, everyone's unique but people with DID are extra unique as well as extra creative!! Also how do you spell your name? I keep spelling it differently each time lol! I hope that this message helps you understand and accept a lot about DID and don't worry about how long it takes for you to be completely out of denial that you have DID, taking that time is okay and I believe will only help your system as a whole in the long run! πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—β€β€β€β€β€πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  4. I like your videos because you talk about DID and your experience with it. I think a lot of people are still focused on wanting to see someone switch and I think its more important to talk about the experience of having the disorder. Denial is a big issue with this disorder. I was diagnosed a long time ago. I still have days where I say no, I don't have it then other days I say yes. I was in a ton of hospitals too. I'm just trying to understand how DID operates in me.

  5. High expectations- tell me about it! I love listening to you, I find you/all of you very real and deep and grounded. Now watching all of your video's. I have so many symptoms, I'm yet to try and name it but there's people up there and yeah its hard to pay attention with so many people in your head! When you said your inner dialogue shouldn't be having conversations I was like "What? they shouldn't?".

  6. Yes it is exiting. Because its real. Thank you so much for sharring! It takes allot of Courage! Be save! I Can relate to the denial Part and not getting better no matter what.. it sucks!
    But We are on our way I guess starting soon I am super scared But Kind of hopeful . It helps so much just to heart about another expiriance Thank you for your unique way of sharring =)

  7. A question to every one Who likes to answer:
    do you expiriance times when you just cant tell Who you are? Do you feel Kind of mixed up and overwhelmed by too many opinions and emotions that you do not know if they realy belong to you or are from the others pured over you. If that makes sense? Is this normal or weard? Can anybody relate?

  8. Hi! My name is A.J. I'm 13( so is our body) we are just recently within the last year finding out that we have D.I.D.. We are a pretty hidden system so most people don't know about us unless we tell them. Most people just think we have mood swings. We haven't been properly diagnosed. The only people who know are our friends.

    Any tips from those of you who are older?

  9. wow. crazy relatable (minus the kids lol) thank you for sharing, this helps a lot especially with the denial stuff… a lot of us still trying to move out of that feels like going insane sometimes…

  10. If u dont mind me asking how did yall have a baby. Did ya get art.insetive? Adopt? Or what route did u guys take. Do all ur alters love her the same way like all get along with her the same r any jealous? Im sorry if u find any of these questions rude or dont want to answer i completely understand ur a very strong person. Keep pushing threw.

  11. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was a privilege to learn so much personal information. I'm sure it has and will help a lot of people with DID feel less alone. I hope everything is going well for you all over a year later. πŸ’œ

  12. We still really struggle with denial. We understand we have DID and everything but the idea that there’s more than one me inside me is kinda crazy to me. It leaves me in denial.

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