Coming To Terms With My Bipolar Disorder | Let’s Remove The Mental Health Stigma


what is going on fam – thank you very much
for tuning in – today I want to talk a little bit more in depth regarding my
bipolar disorder… now before I move forward with – with this
video with this particular piece of content – I first experienced my manic
episode when I was 19 – and at the time because in my culture by default we
don’t really care about mental health you know I – I would have said it’s just
all in my head but for the past 20 months I’ve been studying from and
working with clinical psychologists, licensed marriage family therapists, and
licensed professional counselors, and licensed psychological associates… these
people they’ve taught me so much about mental health that now I developed the
skill for having empathy – when I was in Corporate America and even before – I
didn’t care about other people if it wasn’t in my best interest I truly
didn’t care and… I’ve been called out, I was told exactly that I’m an idiot – I was
told that I didn’t know what I was doing I essentially since I started working
with them for 20 months I was… I had a chip on my shoulder – this has nothing to
do with my knowledge, skills, and abilities as a human being but it had to
do with my – 1) mental health and as well as what I was doing with my life –
revealing to you that I have a bipolar disorder – not to mention that as I speak
to you telling you that I “have” a bipolar disorder not quote-on-quote -I’M BIPOLAR –
I’m letting you know that if you watch this video now or later – I want you to
know that you’re not alone – I thought I just had ADHD – I thought it was normal to
have racing thoughts and drink alcohol to the point where it slowed me down
because I couldn’t keep up with my thoughts – on top of that I had anxiety
disorder and a panic attack (disorder) where my thoughts became so distorted – I’m having
a panic attack because I cannot keep up with them…
that’s not including the fact that I was suffering or suffer from insomnia and I
can’t sleep so I’m always waking up with racing thoughts and I can’t keep up and
at some point as I openly tell you if it becomes so distorted that I start
becoming delusional and in a way psychotic…
now psychotic doesn’t mean I’m psychopathic or sociopathic – that’s not
what that means – psychotic means I’m breaking from reality – and I can no longer keep up being grounded – being here being mindful – that I am here adding more
into that I would suffer from derealization and I believe it’s called
depersonalization as well – where I start questioning my existence as a human
being am I really a human being – is there
something more it’s almost morbid in a way and it’s – you
start questioning exactly what your purpose is and this is – this has nothing
to do with like discovering your purpose as I discussed in my book -it has to do with I’m
mentally disassociating from what’s real and what’s not – and I feel like I’m just
an entity and I shouldn’t exist – you do this days on end where you’re (an) insomniac … where you just can’t sleep – suicidal thoughts start
creeping in and that’s when things start start getting a little bit out of hand…
and I’m gonna drink my protein shake because I just got out of the gym – and so
I want to let you know that I’ve been reading this book An Unquiet Mind it’s
by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison – a memoir of moods and madness – and I want to give you
a little synopsis so when you get this book there’ll be a link down in the
description here’s the reason why? Professor of
psychiatry at the John Hopkins School of Medicine and co-author of the standard
medical text Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison is one of the foremost authorities on
manic-depressive illness – manic depression is bipolar disorder – it just changed in
the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – I believe that’s what
it’s called – for even while she was pursuing her career in academic medicine
Jamison found herself so coming to the same exhilarating highs and catastrophic
depressions that afflicted many of her patients as her disorder launched her
into ruinous spending sprees, episodes of violence, and attempted suicide… in an
unquiet mind Jamison examines manic depression from the dual perspectives of
the healer and the healed revealing both its terrors and the cruel allure that at
times prompted her to resist taking medication – she has emerged with a memoir
of enormous candor – vividness and wisdom one of those rare books that have the
power to transform lives and even save them – what you need to know is that this
person is a doctor of psychology and she has manic-depressive illness or bipolar
disorder – meaning that the person that founded a medical text on the study of
bipolar disorder – manic depression – she herself has it … (I) probably (do) not (have it) to
the severity *(she does)* depression wise – I tend to suffer from
mixed mania – where I’m depressed and anxious at the same time – instead of
depression entirely but again it’s different for everybody – if you mean to tell
me that I can’t live a prosperous life F*ck You – because the person who created
the medical text on bipolar disorder – manic depression – lives a prosperous life
I believe she’s in like her 60s or 70s – something like that – but she’s very
sought out – not only as a patient but also as a clinician – as well… as I tell
you this – my aim moving forward is to advocate and spread the awareness for
mental health – if you ever feel alone if you ever feel like you’re worthless – if
you ever feel like you shouldn’t exist – I do highly encourage you to reach out for
the mental health help you need – I’ll put a number down in the link of
the description – just to prevent suicide it’s gonna be the national suicide
prevention number but on top of that – I also want you to comment on what you’ve
experience with depression and if you do suffer from bipolar disorder – how have
you gotten over your humps – how have you gotten over your manias – and your
depressions – and I encourage you to also get educated – as I wrap this video up – I’m
gonna post another link down in the description now I don’t make any money
off of this particular link – I want you to know that – if you do buy An Unquiet
Mind I do – because I’m an Amazon Affiliate but that again allows me to
create content to support this channel there’s a link to the International
Bipolar Foundation and they offer free books and free resources and I highly
recommend that you check it out because it’s something that’s allowed me to stay
sane for the past several months – I was about 260 pounds in January from there
right now I am 238 – I take antipsychotics second-generation antipsychotics… I’m on
seroquel – I take buspar for my anxiety and panic attacks – propanolol
is for my occasional panic attack I have which I really don’t use – I take
trazodone just in case I ever fall into a depression – and I’ll also take adderall
for my attention – as I explained in my last video and I post a link somewhere
around here so you can see that if you see this one first before you see the
other one – I have a smorgasbord of mental health illnesses – yet I’m here able
grounded to be able to deliver this to you and live a full-time job and also
have a side business – there’s still hope for you if you reach out for help and
continue to pursue it – if you know somebody who has bipolar disorder or a
severe mental health illness – don’t shame them for
something they can’t control – don’t be a dick – give a helping hand and see how you
can help them because I assure you – you will be able to put them in a place
where they feel much more optimistic much more safe – but more importantly they
feel like they are worth staying here until next time guys… stay tuned,
take care

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