5 Asexual People Explain What “Asexual” Means To Them


I get a lot of questions like, “Well, do
you love anything at all?” And it’s like “Yes, it’s just it it doesn’t involve
people in a sexual or romantic way.” My name is Arianna and I identify as
asexual. I am Emmanuel and I identify as biromantic asexual. My name is Katherine and I identify as asexual. My name is Mark and I identify as an asexual man. My my name is Zoe and I identify as asexual and aromantic. Asexuality is the lack of attraction when it comes to someone on a sexual level. I don’t ever have any desire to participate in any sexual activity. A biromantic is an attraction to both genders, but not sexually. Being really free to explore romanticism. I can have romantic attraction for people, but I don’t want to have sex with them. I guess all my life I just kind of felt
out of place and I didn’t understand why. I just never really felt a connection
with someone before on a romantic or sexual level like my friends. I started recognizing in high school how all my female friends had sexual feelings
toward guys and I just couldn’t relate to them. I would, you know, do the normal
thing, go out and date. And I realized, like, physically, I was attracted to people. But, that road, that people feel between physical attraction and sexual
attraction, that just wasn’t there. I thought I was weird at first, until I
got into high school and I did my research. That’s when I realized that’s who I was. My parents don’t really take it seriously. They’re those kind of people that are like “Oh you just haven’t found the right person” or “maybe you’re not into guys” “Maybe you’re a lesbian.” Anything other than asexuality. It took me a while to come to terms with it. But when I realized it, I started
telling my closest friends and my parents. Some of them were skeptical
about it because they care about me and they don’t want me to end up alone. I haven’t come out to my family yet. It’s definitely gonna be hard for them
to come to terms with, and I’m gonna be okay with being alone. It’s hard for me to find that balance in
somebody who’s interested in the companionship, more than sexual activity. One day I will find somebody who’s willing to deal with that. I would like to have a partner, I’d like to have somebody to share my life with. Hopefully down the line I’ll be able to find somebody that, whether they’re asexual or heterosexual, will accept me for who I am. Whenever I find a guy that I like, the
question of “do I have to tell them right now?” “Would they care if I was asexual?”
That always comes to mind. I’ve told the guy that I liked that I was asexual, and he was understanding. A lot of guys are like, “Oh you don’t have sexual attraction?” “Let me change that for you.” People just always feel uncomfortable that they really like me and I just don’t want to have sex with them. We could just have an adventure, have a good time, and for me, it’s the same feeling of sex. I don’t plan on dating or pursuing
anybody on any level other than platonic. I’ve never been happier. My close friends definitely still accept me, but I just feel like I have to try to fit in with them. So I sometimes kind of lie and say, “Oh I did hook up with this person.” When people say, “Oh, I went out, and I had sex with this person last night.” There’s no connection there, because for everyone else it may be a universal experience, But for you, it’s really not. When a friend, just tells me maybe about their sex life I still feel like it’s something that they’re talking about that I don’t necessarily know 100%, but I never feel less than. Your feelings are valid. If you feel you’re Ace, you’re Ace. Believe in yourself and believe in what you feel. Don’t stress yourself about giving yourself a label if you are still not sure about whether you’re asexual or not. Accept yourself. Because you’re born this way. Stay positive. There’ll be a lot of people that’ll make you feel like you’re the weird one. Don’t pay attention and keep it out of your mind. Just do you. You are not alone. There’s a lot of us. And we… we’ll definitely welcome you with open arms. And you are… totally normal.

100 thoughts on “5 Asexual People Explain What “Asexual” Means To Them

  1. Why can't people just understand?
    Asexuals don't want sex, can love people, parents stop telling me sex IS love because for me it absolutely isn't.

  2. I feel like a lot of Asexual people are lying or in denial.
    Some of these people are running from something and instead of facing it, they live behind elaborate lies that enable their fear.

  3. Ahem. Tinder. Most known hook up app for one nighters. Explaining asexuals. The irony hits me in the balls when imagining the amount of coitus worldwide that happened thanks to this app.

  4. All this time, I thought I was either lesbian or bisexual since I'm not sexually interested to guys but I find them attractive and then I realized, It is the same thing for girls. I find them cute but without sexual feelings (co'z it's disgusting for me), I only had a one crush in my life and it is because I was physically attracted to him but it didn't last and I rarely (almost not) have a crush.

  5. 1:20 is definitely just a lesbian

    In fact I'd bet most of these people are closeted in some way. Asexuality is not a normal thing that some people just "are". It indicates a problem with their brain chemistry, and they should go seek professional help.

  6. What if you are not interested in a romantic relationship, you just want to feel free and explore. Even to have a crush is hard for me and I don't want any commitment.

    There's a man who's courting me for more than a year but I still undecided if I will say yes to be his girlfriend, I don't want to hurt him cause he's a good man but I'm still not sure if I'm ready for it ,and take note I'm 25 years old girl😫

  7. Oh boy… I remember the first time I saw the word asexual in a dictionary and was like "hey… That's me" lol. I was relieved man to know it was a thing. Once I thought I was gay but Nah! Yes I did have crushes and wanted to get into relationships but the sexual aspect didn't interest me, sorta scared me and didn't make sense. My first year in college was hard, most of my female friends felt like we had a thing going and suddenly lean in for a kiss, my mind freezes, I get scared, start over thinking and get the hell outta there……even now still haven't kissed a soul (😑so lame)

  8. I wish I was asexual. That way, I won’t feel like crying when I all those sexy girls walk past me at school knowing they will never let me hit 😭

  9. I am asexual 43 year old virgin. I think that is great to be asexual. you don't waste your time on courtship and play mind game with women.

  10. That's always been me . Not attracted to men or women . I always found the act of sex to be gross . It's funny how people assume you are lesbian or gay automatically if you never married and didnt go on dates with someone of the opposite sex

  11. I am asexual now because i don't have nobody else to have sex with. Oh! Lord, if i had, i wouldn't even know how to spell that.

  12. Doesn't Tinder have an Asexual option now? Love it!

    Also dont they have pan and and all that stuff? I seriously think its great they added more options

  13. I am 22 and recently found i amam heteroromantic asexual.I have always been thinking somethings wrong with me.Anad i have romantic feelings and i am physically attracted to guys but i dont want to have sex with them.It looks impossible to find a guy who is understanding.They always end up forcing you to have sex with them and i always end up leaving or left.

  14. I would get married again. Intimacy is important. Love is more important than sexual or physical attraction. Sex is better when you completely trust someone as ypur significant other. It does get lazy though. People start to sabotage relationships for emotional gratification and that's really selfish. Being kind os the easiest thing in the world between lovers.If its not,one of you is deceiving the other.

  15. Can you become asexual or are you born that way? For example, I was molested at a very young age and growing up, I felt as if I needed to have sex with men in order to please them. However, as I’ve grown, I’ve realized I don’t have sexual feelings towards others. I love being with my boyfriend and cuddling but when it comes to sex, I’m literally not interested. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him, it’s just that I’m not sexually attracted. But I still love him. Idk!!

  16. It would be cool to see studies with asexual participants analyzing whether our sex obsessed society had anything to do with shaping their Asexuality.

  17. When I was 11 I was sexually assaulted by my best friends uncle and ever since I had been Asexual. I don't know if that caused it, or if I was already feeling that way. But I was 11 so I wouldn't know my sexual attraction yet.

  18. I am 40 years old and never cared about sex or a relationship. One day recently it occured to me that life is quickly passing by. To make a long story short I went on a dating app and found a nice woman and we hugged, cuddled and kissed. I did not enjoy any part of it. To make another long story short I went on another dating app and found a guy(he was 18) and we also hugged, cuddled and kissed and I go nothing from that experience either. I just don't know why I am not into all this. Maybe I should try sex itself? Even if I don't like it, atleast I will still have the experience. I just don't know what to do.

  19. I feel dumb, because for years I haven't felt sexual attraction. I always thought I was weird, all of my friends would always talk about their partners and what not. I never realized I was asexual, and when I tell other people they usually tell me, "you can have children by yourself?!".

  20. Its nice to know there are a lot of of other people like me. Dating while asexual for me involves a lot of faking to not make the other person feel unwanted. I'm tired of the comment you dont want to be alone forever 🤦‍♀️

  21. My first instinct when I think about what asexuality is, is that it is an expression of a schizoid or avoidant process. That is, the asexual person is afraid of relating to people sexually, for whatever reason – it could be from a sexual trauma, or it could be from some other kind of trauma, perhaps a mismatch between their temperament/personality as a child and that of their parents that left them unable to manage their fears of the world. Please explain to me why this is wrong and how asexuality isn't an expression of a form of psychological difficulty, and is really just one of many sexualities.

    The feeling of being out of place, or that something isn't quite right, is indicating something important, that is worth listening to. Don't let the fad of identity labelling convince you that this is just yet another way to be normal. A therapist can help, especially one who practices CBT with a schema-oriented focus, or some form of psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy. There's also the writing of Jeffrey Seinfeld, Ronald Fairbairn, and Harry Guntrip which might be illuminating, as well as Melanie Klein although I think she was less interested in schizoid processes than the 3 others I've listed.

    Let me also add that I am in no way morally judging people who identify this way. There's nothing morally wrong with being asexual. I think that they're suffering and that they would benefit from psychotherapy so that they don't miss out on one of the best parts of what it is to be a human being.

  22. Funny how definitions change with generations, I always thought Asexual was a species that was both male and female, capable of fertilizing itself.
    The snowflakes, don’t you just luv em!

  23. no such thing as romance only sex. romance is something we have made up that is not true and complicates everything.

  24. I say to each is own, do what makes you happy… I treat everybody with respect and humanely… however I’m entitled to my opinion as well and we have gotten so ass backwards as a society when it comes to sex it’s ridiculous…
    Sex is to procreate, it feels good to motivate us to do it, men especially are hyper sexual to spread their seed as much as they can and impregnate as many woman as possible to ensure the survival of our species, it’s all biological and evolutionary
    If you feel no urge to do that, then there is something wrong with you
    If your attracted to the same sex, there is something wrong with you
    If your attracted to inanimate objects there is something wrong with you
    If your hacking off body parts to feel better about yourself there is something wrong with you
    None of this is to say anybody should be treated any differently than anybody else… we all deserve respect and to be treated properly based on our character and actions, not in who do or do not sleep with at night
    I’m just really sick and tired of everyone acting like their sexual preferences are what defines them, like it makes you special, it doesn’t, none of us are special, who gives a shit

  25. I love Tinder’s attempt at inclusivity with asexuals but it doesn’t make sense when the app itself and those who use it don’t take asexuals seriously. Honestly haven’t used Tinder in a hot minute but there needs to be a way to differentiate sexuality and preferences outside “interested in men/women/both”.

  26. surely you've already gotten a million of these but i'm gonna write it anyway
    not al ace people are aro and not all aro people are ace
    i want to fight your whiteboard

  27. I wish i could talk to someone who is asexual. (Im not an asexual person) i just want to understand them or at least have a better understanding.

  28. This is me. Sex is for marriage. God's word. I have reached a point in my life that I don't desire sexual contact. I never loved anyone that much to go there. I am 45 now. And more than ever wish to remain this way. Free Will. Glad I found this. I always feel alone and pressured, thanks to this my life is ok now

  29. is it just me, or do these people 'look' weird… almost as if they share some similarity in physical appearance that I just can't put my finger on…

  30. I’m dating a woman whose personality is the best I’ve ever known. And even if she is ace, I would have never discovered how amazing she is if I didn’t take the chance. And it was so worth it. Watching these videos are very informative and for those that are ace and romantic, there’s somebody out there that will definitely accept you for you!!

  31. The trouble with society nowadays is that people date for sex rather than to get to know the person intellectually. In a way asexual people are right. There's too much emphasis on sex these days.

  32. You can't really talk about it cause it just gets you in trouble. An just want the one person I'll wait cause I am emtionaly numb.

  33. I feel like when you like someone who likes you back, it's still the same story:
    Me: "Hey, I'm asexual."
    Them: "I do not mind, I can live without sex."
    /1 year passes/
    Other partner is having sex with other guy behind your back.
    Losing trust, relationship is breaking.
    Me: "Oh, I see. At least you'll be happy this way… (Guess it's my mistake to believe you back then…)"
    Them: "Well, you were never the person to start, you never showed any interest in sexual activity. How am I supposed to live with that?"
    Me: "I told you…"
    Them: "No one in the world could take it for so long."
    Breaking up.
    /1 month passes/
    Me: "Oh my god, I've never felt happier!"

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