10 HABITS I HAVE BECAUSE OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER


– What’s up guys? Welcome back to my channel. Today I have a pretty interesting video that I’ve been wanting
to film for you guys for a little while, and
I think it’s kind of like a funny type of video that you guys might be able to relate to, so I wanted to go ahead
and just talk to you a little bit about 10
odd, I guess, strange, weird, things that I do,
because of my mental illness. Now, I’m not making light of this, I’m not like making fun
of people who deal with stuff like this, because obviously like, I suffer from it to. I am just coming on here simply to kind of out myself a little bit, and just tell you guys what the reality of living with borderline
personality disorder is. And just some things that I have to deal with because of it, I guess. So, I made a list on my phone here. First thing, I’m just
gonna jump right into it, because if you don’t know what borderline personality disorder is, I would just recommend putting
another link up right now, and just kind of taking
a look at the symptoms, and like what people deal
with while living with that, if you don’t already know. I have many, many videos about this. I’m just gonna kind of jump in, and just tell you what I deal with. So first, number one is I ask my boyfriend literally over a hundred
times a day if he loves me. If you do have BPD, you
may or may not deal with like abandonment issues,
and I personally have, so I’m constantly afraid that my friends, and my family that I
do have, my boyfriend, they’re gonna leave me,
and they’re gonna stop talking to me, and that
they don’t love me. Number two. I have OCD, as well. I have struggled with OCD
pretty much my whole life, looking back now that I know
that that’s what it was. and I diagnosed OCD, I’m
supposed to be taking medication for it. So my beginning stages of the symptoms, I would like, have to touch something a certain amount of times,
and I know it sounds crazy or whatever, but if
you don’t deal with it, you don’t really understand. It’s just kind of a thing that you do, so like you’ll, I’ll adjust something, and if I have to touch it
like four or five times, that’s what I have to do. For example, a few years
ago, I lived in this house, and when I would lock the door at night, I’d have to touch it five times to make sure, I don’t know, for myself, like I would touch it five times, and that was just a ritual. And that’s what they’re
called, they’re called rituals. So I do still have
little rituals that I do. Sometimes people notice them, and they kind of like
call me out about it, or whatever, or sometimes they don’t. Like I do my own rituals, and I don’t even know if
Brian noticed them, sometimes. But yeah, so I do that, but I have to have hand sanitizer on me at all times, or around me. Like it’s just like this itch that I feel like I have to tend to. So at work, we always have hand sanitizer, I always keep it
literally right next to me on my right side, and
I use it all day long. I have it in my purse, I have
it in our room right here, like I’m looking at it, and I’m constantly worried about being, like my hands, just more specifically
my hands being dirty, like, if I’ll go pump gas, I
have to have hand sanitizer. And if I don’t, like I literally, it will drive myself
crazy, and I feel dirty, I feel disgusting, like
it literally hurts me. So yeah, that’s another thing. Number three, so I am a
very hyper-sexual person. Growing up, I’ve been in situations where I think that it
has like affected that. I feel like I’ve always been that way, and I think people who go through trauma, they either go one way, which is hyper-sexual, or
the complete other way, where it’s like you don’t like it, and you don’t want to be touched, you don’t want to have sex, you don’t want to deal
with that kind of stuff. So yeah, I definitely
did go the opposite way. And that is just like the reality, the harsh reality of living with borderline personality disorder, and dealing with those
types of situations. And that’s just like how I am. It has affected my past relationships in a negative way, but like my relationship now, we’re great, like you know, I’m not too sexual. I’m not like, it’s not a problem now. But in past relationships, it had been, and I was always too much for someone, and it’s just too much,
like they can’t handle it, and all this stuff, which is fine. If you deal with something like that, then you need to find a partner
that is able to handle you. Four, I dissociate quite a bit. I feel like it happens in waves, like some days I’m good, really good, can hold a conversation down, other days I’m kind of weird, like it just depends. My old job at the dental office, my old boss noticed it, and I actually addressed it one time with her. We were just talking, and I was like, I just warned her, I may
sometimes like blank out and stare, and may not even, it’s not that I’m purposefully
not listening to you, it’s just that my mind
goes somewhere else, and it’s a coping mechanism that I made for myself as a child. I would dissociate, if I
was in a bad situation, and kind of go to a different place, and I still do that to this day. Even if I’m not dealing
with anything negatively, or having a bad experience,
it just happens now. And because I did it so
much when I was a child, it still affects me to this day. And I still do it, and
I don’t even realize it. When and if I’m in therapy, my therapist will notice
when it’s happening if we’re talking about
something, or whatever. And she’s like, if you dissociate, make sure you tell me, so we can go back. Because we can’t address something if you’re dissociating,
you’re not getting it. So that is one thing that I struggle with and I deal with, and
it just kinda happens. It’s like an every day thing. Yeah, you know. Number five, I have lied to my therapist many, many times so I don’t get admitted to a hospital, because
I am not trying to go and be in a hospital. And I know that’s really, really bad, and very not good, but this
is just something I do. And I will be like, it’s not as bad, I’m feeling a lot better, only because I don’t want to get fucking
admitted to a hospital. But it’s not a healthy thing, so I’m not telling you guys to do this, this is just something that I do. I have self-destructive behavior, like I’ve said, it’s the reality of living with mental illness. And I’m not saying that this is what you should be doing,
but this is just kind of a way for me to express what I do, and what my faults are,
and what I need to work on living with this. Six, I buy things I
don’t need all the time. I’m a lot better now,
because I’m actually broke, so there’s nothing for me
to be spending money on. But yeah, it’s a problem, and I’ve always been like that, always. I would just spend money,
like tons of money, like 200 and something
dollars on just shit that I don’t need, and
then I would come home and immediately be like, oh no, I felt so guilty, like I shouldn’t have spent that much money. I don’t need this, why do I need this? And then I’m super guilty, and then I’ll go return it the next day. Or like I would do it with food, and binging, that’s my next one. So food and binging is my number seven. I find comfort in food, and
I’ve always been like that. I know I’ve mentioned
before in other videos that I have a disordered eating, and I will eat to fill that void. Just like with, I hate to say this, and I hate for this to sound bad, but that’s how I was with sex, as well. Yeah, like I do self-destructive behavior to fill these voids that
I have within myself, and food is a huge, huge,
huge problem for me. And I’m working through it, I’m always teetering
between starving myself because I want to be skinny,
and I don’t want to eat, and binging, and filling that void. And it’s really hard, it really sucks, and if you’re dealing with that, I’m really sorry and I
wish I had a cure for you. I wish I had the best
advice that I could for you, but I don’t have it. And I don’t even have that for myself, and I’m looking for it. So if you guys have any
advice or anything for that, let me know. Number eight, I want
to sleep all the time. Like I will sleep forever,
like hours and hours and hours. And I don’t, I will feel guilty about it, but I never am just like, oh I’m really, really
pissed I slept all day. Nope, not me, I love it. Like I will sleep all day, and for me it helps prevent
me from self-harming, and eating, and just doing
bad things to myself, so I’d rather just sleep, and I’d rather just be like, you know what, this is the safest place and thing for me to be doing right now, and that’s what I have to do. Number nine. I split on people, I’ll idolize them. So splitting is where you
can go from really loving someone and adoring
them, every little thing about them, you want to be them almost. And that’s kind of a weird thing. I don’t know if I’ve
addressed this on my channel, but idolizing people to the
point where you’re like, I wanna be just like them, because you feel like your personality isn’t enough, I guess. So I do this all the time. Especially because social media is so, there’s so many people. And there’s so much that you see, and you can idolize, and you don’t even
really know that person, but they have the perfect
body in your mind. You know what I mean? Like you idolize them,
you want to be them, you want to be their friend. And I know that may sound crazy, but this is it man, this is
borderline personality disorder, and I frickin’ hate it. But it’s just what I do. So like I’ll split on people. I do this often to my friends. If they don’t text me
back, if I reach out, I’m really, really, I’m a great friend. I reach out to all my friends at least once a week, and I’m like, hey, thinking of you, hope you’re
having a great fucking day. If you’re having a hard time,
I’m here, blah blah blah. And I would say about 50% of my friends don’t text me back, don’t respond to me for a really long time,
and it hurts my feelings, and I take it way too to heart. And Brian’s always like,
you gotta chill out with that, because sometimes
people can’t get back to you. And sometimes you don’t text people back, so how does that work? So it’s hard. And then I’ll split on
them, and be like fuck them, I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t even want them to respond to me, I don’t even care. And then it’s like this
cycle, but that’s not true. So yeah. Number 10. I have a blankey. And I talked about blankey before on here. I sound psychotic. But blankey is a blanket I have had since I was literally
born out of the womb. My aunt Melody got it
for me when I was a baby. It originally had Mickey
Mouse, and Minnie, and Pluto I think when they’re babies, and they are on the blanket. Now they don’t have anything on there, because I’ve literally, I’m
gonna be 27 in December, and I’ve had it my whole entire life, and it’s my security blanket. Like I sleep with it every single night, I like need it. And with borderline personality disorder, and if you experience trauma, things that you did as children carries with you in your adult life. So I just learned this last year. The reason why I have blankey, and I watch cartoons, and
there’s certain things that I myself have to have and have to do throughout the day, or whatever, is because of my trauma, and that is like my security. And I just hold onto that, and I will never get rid of blankey, I love blankey, I sleep with it every single night, and I’m not ashamed of that, because it’s just who I am, and it’s what I deal with. And if that helps me, and
if that is what I need to sleep and be there with, then I don’t care, you know? So yeah, those are my 10 things. What are your things that you do that kind of are like weird or odd that you deal with living
with your mental illness? Because I’m sure there’s
more for me right now, but these are just the 10 things that I could think of that are obvious. I’m sure there’s like little things that I don’t even realize that are weird, or
whatever, odd, whatever. But yeah, I just wanted to come on here and share that with you guys right now. Otherwise, like update, I
did film an update video that I’m going to be sharing with you I think after this, I want
to get this video up first. I am about to go to the gym. Gonna hit some legs today, I got my favorite vegan Ani shoes. They’re called Anis. These literally are the best shoes I probably have ever had, and I am one of those people that like love high-tops, like Converse, and Vans, and stuff like that, but because those aren’t vegan, I can’t, I don’t repurchase them. I haven’t repurchased
any of like my Converse, and stuff like that for forever. But these are super cute high-tops, all vegan, ethically made, and I honestly just love this brand, and I’m very happy to
be working with them. So if you guys are interested in those, you can use my code,
and they actually donate 10% of the proceeds to Mercy for Animals, which I think is an awesome thing to do. So yeah, I’m about to get ready, go hit a leg day, you
know what I’m sayin’. But yeah, I hope you
guys enjoyed this video, and I know how fuckin’ hard it can be, just like your every little, day-to-day things that you do
that you don’t even realize, but they really take a toll on you, and maybe even your
relationships and stuff. But I’m learning that I
need to accept those things, because that is a big part of my life, and that is who I am, and I’m learning that
I need to accept that, and in order to do so, I have
to acknowledge those things. So that was kind of my
point for this video, and to be able to better
myself in that way. I hope you guys enjoyed it, if you guys, like I said,
have any like weird things that you do, please share them with me, because I think, it’s not funny, but it’s kinda comedic, in a
way, I guess you could say, for me at least, because I’m like, oh yeah, you know, BPD, turn up. This is just shit that I do. I love you guys so much, and I appreciate all
your love and support. Thank you guys for everything that you do, and all your kind messages and words. I don’t think you guys even realize how much those mean to
me, so thank you again. My poetry work is so close to being done, I’ve been writing, and editing like crazy. I’m so excited and so ready
to release this for you guys. This book is for anyone who has dealt with any eating disorders, sexual trauma, child abuse, drug
addiction, mental illness in the family, with your parents, picking up the pieces from
when they do stupid shit. Raising your family, raising siblings. This book is for anyone who’s ever felt so low about themselves that death is the only solution. Self-harm, anything like that, this book is for you. And I’m so excited to share it with you, I’m so excited to share my struggles, and my thoughts on things,
and my experiences with you, because I feel like it’s relatable, and if you’ve been through it, and if you’ve seen it with your own eyes, sometimes it’s cathartic to read other people’s
experiences, as well. So I’m just so grateful and so excited that I have this opportunity
to share that with you. So yeah, I love you guys, and I hope you guys have a great week. New video after this will be coming soon about a little update with me, and how I’ve been feeling and stuff. So yeah, I love you guys so much. I hope you guys have a
great rest of your day, and I will see you guys next time. Bye.

92 thoughts on “10 HABITS I HAVE BECAUSE OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

  1. Hey guys if you're struggling and need some help with therapy be sure to check out BetterHelp which is an online therapy service with licensed professionals! <3 http://tryonlinetherapy.com/sammymgrimm

  2. I am struggling with BPD and I am 19 you literally relate to me in every level! I’m trying to figure it out myself and I hope I’m comfortable enough to live with it

  3. i am diagnosed bipolar and adhd with bpd traits. i thought i have ocd too, but psychologist said she thinks i don't, and i am just a perfectionist. i feel like she's wrong., but i think i have a different form of ocd than the whole "tapping 5 times" thing. seems like i am beyond being perfectionist, but maybe i am not quite ocd, but more on the borderline of it (no pun intended lol). either way, it's too obsessive to be just a perfectionist. i think she just didn't want to overwhelm me with yet another disorder. im dealing with enough having these 3 beasts ugh. sucks.

  4. I have just stumbled upon your channel with this vid. I love it. You're a star. I am scared to count my 'things'. I hope we can chat one day x

  5. Thanks for the video I do alot of what you do except I don't have ocd I also have ptsd and with medication and mindfulness I'm getting a little better with control and not be so impulsive I've struggled with substance abuse since I was 13 now I'm 21 and that's a long time .

  6. I have BPD and Supernatural abilities. It makes things interesting.
    1. Not knowing if the voices in my head are from spirits or myself.
    2. Thinking I’m crazy
    3. Over-validating people; putting them on a pedestal.
    4. Critical of myself to the point of nausea
    5. Needing answers to everything in my life or I’m terrified
    6. Fluctuate from hyper sexual to low for days at a time
    7. Doubting myself/fighting in my head
    8. Not starting anything I want to do because i don’t feel I’m worthy to receiving it
    9. Manipulating conversations to steer in my benefit
    10. Making drastic, life-changing decisions on a whim

    I’ve gotten SO much better at regulating these. I no longer use my sexuality to manipulate others (as I did in my teens). I am thinking through decisions before jumping. And I am challenging my dangerous thoughts to think outside the box. Knowledge and logic (and common sense) have saved me living with this condition.

  7. A few years ago I lost about 20 or 30 pounds because I was so anxious I had to get out of the house every afternoon and walk around, also I felt I did not deserve food so I would have just one big meal a day around 5 pm. I think I'm slipping back into that pattern.

  8. Something ive recently learned that was sort of odd that i do because of my mental illness is i have to wake up with 2 to 3 hours to just get ready before i leave my house. Most of it is honestly just spacing out. Its like my brain needs time to "load" before im ready to face the outside world. Or else im pretty much guaranteed to have an episode because i just start off too overwhelmed.
    At least since ive learned this about myself im seldom late though which is kind of cool for someone who used to be chronically late.

  9. I do have advice …de tent can help
    Look him up watch his lectures …hes all natural healer

    Take plant based lithium ..b vitamins also

  10. Honey decide to be in control of yourself and you will be it's literally a mental choice slow down your breathing calm creates clarity and what others think of you is none of your business k love xx

  11. I think I have a touch of bpd, let me explain what it’s like, for me. I may be on the sociopathy scale as well. I feel like a soulless void. I don’t fit in with people. However, I fake it. I am either sad or mad. People say I have a blank face and very distant. If someone doesn’t contact me after I feel close to them, I’ll just cut them off. As for abandonment, I don’t feel that so much directly. At work, I get super angry when someone with the same job title as me refuses to do grunt work. If we aren’t working as a team, I have to controlled my bpd and rage. Every now and then I’ll blow my cool and let them have it when there is no teamwork. If I am around narcissists, I really have to use self control. I have to deal with them at work. When I see from that shit going on, and nobody working as a team, I feel abandoned and lose my cool. I have narcissistic tendencies as well. It’s like a quite introverted type of narcissism. I feel like it’s only being done to me and my dad at work. I don’t know who I am. It’s very strange, but I’ll see my coworkers talking about things and being happy and I wonder why? Why have interests in insignificant things? Why the small talk, what drives them? Very shallow affect makes me very distant with people who do not share equally, or do not share my interests. I have nothing against people who don’t share my interests, but if someone I don’t care about. Tries to start up a conversation, I’ll look at them for a moment and walk away. I won’t respond either. When my bosses lie to me about raises and what not, I go grey rock. I’ll refuse to talk to them. Usually around people I am very quit and observant. I have a super cold stare, when I feel I have been wronged. I will always seek revenge. It may take years, but if the opportunity is just right. I’ll pay them back ten fold. It’s a very covert way, so that the blame can’t be pinned on me, unless I want them to. I’ll give them just enough to wonder who got them. If I get equal respect I’ll go out of my way to return the favor.

  12. 1) self harm (binge, starvations, cutting)
    2) zone out a lot
    3) over spending
    4) fear of abandonment
    5) I get bored very easily with things. Which comes with compulsive behavior
    6) I don’t know how to explain my emotions; which makes me mad
    7) I take things very literally
    8) I have trust issues with relationships
    9) I got back and forth with wanting sex and not wanting sex at all
    10) I go through moments of blocking people out. Especially people I love. I then feel bad about it, and start thinking they hate me for doing it.

  13. Thanks so much for sharing! I can relate to so much of this. I'm an undiagnosed BPD. How did you find out about your diagnosis?

  14. I do all these things. Ive never been diagnosed with BPD though. I thought I had Bipolar disorder but my mania doesnt last long enough.

  15. Check out Teal Swan’s videos! She is amazing in her understanding of our behaviors, their root causes, and how to heal from them <3 stay strong you guys 🙂

  16. I think at 42 years old I finally see what's going on with me. The only opposite on my list is extreme, debilitating insomnia as opposed to over sleeping. The rest is as if you drew my life. Thanks for helping me understand!

  17. You came up in my recommended section. I was diagnosed with bpd 6 years ago, and I’ve been in and out of therapy but never “labeled” myself with it because I figured my mood swings and my separation and lack of emotion towards people was “normal” because I’m in my twenties. But holy shit I didn’t realize my binge eating vs going days with out eating & my dissociation & SLEEPING SPELLS was all due to my bpd lmao. I work two jobs and go to school so it’s hard to figure out if it’s my bpd or life ! You’re not alone and everything in this video is literally things I can relate to on a day to day basis. We gotta make the best of it. Some top traits 1.binge eating to not eating 2. Sleeping or feeling tired all the time 3. Lack of interest in people (besides my love interest) 4. The feeling that either people are always mad at you or that they’ll leave you. 5. Lack of confidence in anything unless it’s with my jobs. 6. My obsession / attachment to my cat (who I’ve had for 12 years and honestly can’t imagine life with out her) 7. Cutting my skin (not to the point of pouring our blood. But enough to feel something) to calm and relax me (this happens twice a year with severe break downs)

  18. I do the same thing with texting my boyfriend but I just text “I love you” to see if he’ll text it back. I don’t ask “do you love me?” because I’m scared I’ll scare him away.

  19. I DEAL WITH PTSD DID AND BPD AND SCHIZOAFFECTIVE 🤦🏽‍♀️ it’s hard but I’m learning to cope with it. I can’t keep any stable relationship I always need validation I’m always changing my look I feel insecure and inadequate most of the time. I just want to b happy

  20. not diagnosed ( no docters will help and i’ve had 19 theripasts)
    – everyday i wake up feeling different, i can love the way i look or feel completely disgusting and that can change in minutes, i don’t know if i’m insecure or extremely confident.
    – i’ve had tons of boyfriends and all them lasted under one month because of how clingy and obsessive i was, that turned into me over thinking making assumptions and pushing everyone away
    -i’ve lost 50 pounds over the past 3 months, when i walk i feel light headed and dizzy and sometimes i feel like since i lost weight i can eat but right after i feel so guilty and try to make myself throw up, sometimes it doesn’t work and i sit in my washroom crying and punching myself in the head for hours
    – i feel empty, i feel as that i think unlike anyone else and no one can understand me so i just have no reason to be here
    – i don’t know how to explain this one, i feel the need to impress everyone, i have to completly cake my face in makeup and go out in revealing clothes to feel okay about who i am but then if someone says they want to have sex with me i get super uncomfortable and terrified like i’m not asking for that.

    help?

  21. Me too! I'm working on this and Google sent me to you. I wasn't sure if I would like other people with BPD, but you seem fun, smart and courageous. I'll watch more. TY!

  22. It feels so good to know there's also people put there that struggle with the mental illness just like I do and can relate to me

  23. BPD is not a mental illness is my understanding,… is it?
    It is a “Personality “ disorder professionals say. Does it make any difference? Who cares, it is still pretty hard for People to deal with.
    My only help comes from the Lord.
    Best wishes to all.

  24. I wish there were more relatable videos about BPD like this one. Felt like you were talking to an understanding friend about an issue that you both have and can relate to and kinda giggle at

  25. Great video, I feel for people with this. My ex has it and I've seen first hand the damage it does. Sadly her angry outburst has finished our relationship. I tried and tried to help her but never understand what she was going through until now so I would end up getting bitter towards her. It's great that people with bpd are making videos to educate others. There's allot of hate out there towards sufferers and with some of there actions it's understandable but they can't help it. I just wish I knew about it earlier

  26. youre honestly so fucking brave for being this open and candid about living with BPD. its something I try to hide from everyone who isn't super close to me.
    also love your makeup. stay strong.

    send u love form Canada <3

  27. I don’t blame you on the blankie. I have to have one particular blanket and have used it for years and years. Only other person who even touches it is my son.

  28. I do some of these a lot.
    1. If I can't control a situation, I'll just want to shut down.
    2. I have Hashimoto's and I'm not supposed to eat gluten, but I do and keep telling myself that I'll just try again tomorrow.
    3. I'm a loner and more energized at night
    4. I also take small stuff to heart. If I reach out, I'm vulnerable and as going through issues as a kid and being ignored even though people can be busy, it reminds me when I was younger and I no one listened.
    5. I'm either too in control or I'm out of control. I'll eat what I'm not supposed to or I'll not eat because I've been eating like crap. Like 3 years ago, I would spend all my money on drinking and clothes. I would want to feel pretty, but I was broke. I wanted to feel good about myself but internally I was freaking out because I had bills. I would constantly put myself in that struggle. If I'm not satisfied with what I look like, I'll want to keep dying my hair to try to look "different" than what I see every day or I'll just not do anything and not want to go in public. It's a battle within myself I'll probably never win.
    6. I disassociate
    That's all I can think of right now. Lol.

  29. I have been watching your videos and you have been such a great help for my BPD. I even have my boyfriend watch them with me and it has been helping him better understand our condition. I look forward to watching all of the videos you post. Thank you so much for being a voice for those of us who are needing someone to look up to who has the same illness that we have. Also for me I have to always have something to snuggle with when I sleep. So we have a lot of stuffed animals and pillows. Keep up the wonderful and helpful videos!!

  30. I can't figure out if I have this or not. I don't like buy things impulsively, and I can have outbursts but they aren't violent. I just yell and I get mad at the dumbest things. But I do have anger issues, depression, OCD, anxiety, a high sex drive, binge eat, my emotions are all over, my opinion changes all the time like I dont know how I really feel…but I also dont have hallucinations or psychosis symptoms…does anyone who has this disorder have an opinion on what I may have?

  31. Thank you.
    Love how you share but, wish you didn’t judge yourself so harshly. You’re a beautiful, generous person.

  32. Everything you said I can relate to I also have ocd have to wash my hands constantly or else I freak out and can’t go out my day with out doing so and I also have had trauma in my past relationships so I have like abandonment issues I think it so cool how you talk about your BPD so people like me and others that are watching can relate and this is so helpfully thanks 😘

  33. When you mentioned “blanky,” I got chills because I also have a blanket that I call “blanky,” which I’ve also had since I was a baby and I absolutely can not sleep without it, even though I’m 26. If I sleep over at a friend or guys house, I bring it with me and they’re always weirded out by it. It makes me upset when I have to wash it or if I’m coming back from a friend’s and it smells different than my bedroom. I have to spray it every night too with this bath & body works lavender vanilla pillow mist. Thankfully I don’t have Instagram or Twitter because it would be really destructive to my self esteem. I’ll idolize certain celebrity figures and family members, but not really friends. The only person in my life other than medical professionals who know I have BPD is my mom; I am way too afraid to tell anyone else because I’m afraid they’ll leave. I can sleep for 18-20 hours a day but also have MDD and think I sleep through days because I don’t actually want to be awake.

  34. I used to change my hair color literally every three months for years. It's was blonde to brown,,, back and forth for years. Lol

  35. I’ve been looking for a video like this of someone explaining their habits because of BPD.. I noticed I have pretty much all of these habits. Except the ocd part. This actually helped a lot, I always feel so weird about myself and seeing this put my mind at ease quite a bit. Thank you 🙏 😌

  36. 11:43 holycow, I have a monkey and a bear that I've had for years and years, and I have to have them with me when I sleep. At least one of them. I also watch cartoons from when I was in primary school to feel a sense of self (like who I used to be, the person I liked). I'll make cheesebread and watch it like I would after school. Not because it's particularly good, just because I feel so out of balance with the world. I also disassociate a lot, but with depersonalization and derealisation. Chronically in stressful periods.

  37. i had no idea that my blankey was apart of bpd. i knew that it was my security blanket, but didnt know it was a bpd trait.

  38. Thank you for your honesty! BPD is exhausting. For me there are worse times then others. Right now it is probably at its highest. If I could go to sleep and not get up tomorrow I would be grateful. Did you ever wake up in the morning and for literally 1 minute you feel like great? I am right now in a relationship that sucks yet I can’t walk away from and I am over 30! I just want all my overthinking and bullshit to stop.

  39. Thanks. U make alot solid points. Ur BPD makes you eccentric. That's my take-away and what I read. It's not bad for you to be this way. It's everyone else. Think I could fall in love with another BPD. Have you?

  40. 1. Binge eating
    2. SPLITTING
    3.Self sabotage/ self destructive behaviours (cutting people off, before they leave me etc)
    4.Dissociation
    5 SPENDING money
    6.High sex drive

  41. Who cares you are beautiful. Try being ugly like me. All woman ask do you love me, every second, by the way. I do the touch stuff as well. Just get angry and hit the thing your touching. Works for me. I wash my hands all the time. It's good. I'm also a perv but i don't have sex. Because I'm a loser. I can't relate to any other human being. I never lie. The truth will set you free. Anyhoo… Good luck.

  42. Relate to them all minus ocd… including needing my baby pillow 🙄
    diagnosed with just social anxiety, and depression.

  43. The sad part is most psychiatrists I've met are nothing moe than salespeople for big pharma and offer not real solutions

  44. I just want to duck inmates police officers and corrections officers of both genders i want to be handcuffed put in the hole and treated to degradation by the corrections officers police officers and the top of the block inmates

  45. I love sergei he is an inmate at black dolphin prison in russia and i want to duck josef stalin and vladimir putin i love russians lol and id duck the entire army that created the soviet union comunist russia for life lol

  46. I've had diagnosed BPD for years. Really weird (in a good way, haha) to hear someone that I can relate to really well. So many just don't get BPD. Thank you for sharing 💕 Do not be ashamed, ever, for having a security item. I have diagnosed BPD, and one way I cope is regressing to a younger mindset. I definitely think it relates to having insecure attachment in my early childhood. I have an extremely hard time managing my emotions, and I am very reactive. I also am hypersexual. I have dealt with heavy abandonment issues, and to this day, I fear abandonment way too deeply. It scares me how much I fear it. I have diagnosed anxiety, depression, and ADD as well. A LOT of my symptoms overlap. I feel things at such an intense level… it also shows up in my relationship with my boyfriend, for sure. We are doing great, but BPD can run the show often…and that is chaotic. I feel addicted to chaos. Any of yall with BPD connect with the feeling of the void? Painful emptiness. I have filled this endless pit in my soul feeling with drugs and other addictions, such as shopping. I can be very impulsive, and I run a short fuse. My anger can get really explosive. I have had a lot of improvements, but I struggle with BPD in some way every single day.

    BPD is like all the emotions put together into a chaotic concoction of BS. I hate it 😿

  47. I have a fixation with my hands and mouth. I have to always do something with my hands; Hold something, twist string, ball up pieces of paper, my hands have to constantly move. I also feel there has to be something in my mouth at all times. My go to thing is popcorn kernels. Weird, I know.

  48. 1. Being anti social( introverted)
    2. Trusting people
    3. Unable to hold healthy relationships, even within family.
    4. Anxiety
    5. Substance abuse
    6. Questioning my friends why I feel like this, or questioning myself
    7. Suicidal thoughts

  49. Okay so I am 8 months pregnant and I have bpd.
    1. I cut. Like as a last resort, but it normally mellows me out.
    2. I break up w/ my bf. I am so lucky he is understanding af and loves me as much as he does.
    3. I try to exhaust myself during the day. Nights hit me super hard, so I like to be too tired to self destruct in a worse way. I even will get in a super heated bath. I find it will make me really drowsy.
    4. I cry alot. And I normally do this thing where I scream but don't make noise. Idk what it really is, but it gives me a headache so I do it.
    5. Anger. I have slapped my bf 3 times now. To some that is no big deal, but it is to me bc I do not want him to hurt in anyway.
    6. I go between being really sexual and sexually depriving.
    7. Eating is the same way. While pregnant, I would drop 30lbs in 2 wks and gain it back in a month and then repeat this process.
    I am sure there is more, but those are the most annoying ones I have to deal with and those around me deal with.

  50. I had a blanket from when I was about 10 months old until I was 11 when I gave it my little sister when she was born. 5he second I found a blanket with the exact same feel to it became mine (it was originally my moms for like a week after she got it). I treat my new blanket the same way I did my old one hell im wrapped up in said blanket right now.

  51. alright i really feel like i have this … like spot on….. i need help can someone who has this help me i don’t wanna self diagnose 😭

  52. I have one thing that helps me not to eat more than I'm supposed to. It doesn't work all the time but often. I smell food, I take for example a chocolate bar and smell it long time, and think about if I really want this, if it really smells like something I want. Often even if it smells good initially, after a minute or so I notice that I don't really want this.

  53. When I was your age no one had a clue what was wrong with me. I was the classic "troubled child". Now my battle is to be seen and not labeled. My thing is money, never been able to save at all.

  54. Many of the symptoms here are similar to Autism Spectrum Disorder. I suspect that many people get weongly diagnosed with one or the other.

  55. I listen to helpful current stuff while I drive instead of radio, and your title caught my eye since my super-intense awesome wife has some BPD going on, and we work smart to stay ahead of it. Why do I love a challenge so much? I guess anything less is boring, eh? Haha! I want to tell you the best things I got from hearing you for the first time today, since I know you guys thrive on good stuff more than most: what hits me about you (and my awesome wife) is this–> most people are naturally bland, asleep at the wheel and a bit like lethargic sheep who have to work at being intensely engaged in ANYTHING…but YOU guys are the opposite. You are naturally intense with deeply emotional feelings and drive, and need to work hard to find middle ground and peaceful balance in order to maintain your own health as well as maintain the relationships that are important to everyone, especially those with intense needs to love and BE LOVED! What's not to love about that? (!)

    I think it helps if you don't try to NOT do something, but rather DO SOMETHING…like when you are in a hurry, don't try to NOT BE IN A HURRY! Rather, allow your natural speed and intensity, but add a few things to the list, like:
    -Fully analyze every situation
    -Define success in every task
    -Compartmentalize the req's
    -Hurry through them, but dont skip any of the req's for success!
    -DO NOT move from any task until the initial one is complete…at least to the point that is reasonably possible (paint has to dry and people need time to think and breathe to resolve any disagreement), and…
    -Truth matters, so don't assume and anticipate what is happening. LET THE FRUIT GROW BEFORE YOU TRY TO EAT IT. Don't try to be a mind reader or believe that you can discern things that are really your fears talking to you.

    I have manybthings we have learned, at twice your age and a lot of accomplishments chalked up, that I can see would give you more regulation and control if you are interested…and I'm a Virgin Islands yacht captain if you would like to set up a fun charter for some peeps who might enjoy synergizing on positive and uplifting strategies and write it off as medically required therapy! 😎

  56. My insecurities with my bpd have manifested in me thinking I’m not sexually good enough for my partner and I feel like if he masterbates that it means I’m not enough and soon he’s going to leave me, I kinda play it like “ohhh baby I want all your cum” but in my sad reality it’s my way of looking for reassurance that I’m “good enough” even though deep down I know I’ll prob never feel enough. I also have OCD I also don’t like prescribed meds, as they make me feel dumber, but a lot of my obsessions revolve around my partner and I find mindfulness is helpful, I really try and work on acceptance that I have these issues instead of being in resistance, fuck it’s hard.
    I’m a lot better then I was in my teens-mid 20s I’m now almost 30 and have done a lot of work on other aspects of my life but this jerking off thing is so hard coz I can’t really talk about it.

  57. I am so happy I found your channel! I identify with so many of the things you talk about here! (I have a stuffed whale named Shamu that I still sleep with at 29 years old! Thanks BPD! Lol I find that I’m either hyper sexual or totally not interested. I also have a weird issue where it’s like after great sex, I suddenly don’t want anyone to touch me at all. Like I want to curl into a ball in the corner of the bed, even if I’m in a happy post-orgasm state. It’s confusing for me and has caused weirdness in relationships in the past. It’s really really nice to hear someone else talk about the nitty gritty details of BPD because it’s constant for me but no one else knows about it. It’s nice to feel like someone else understands. I can’t wait for your book!!

  58. My student ( he is an old guy and he is a psychiatrist, I teach him italian) told me that I don’t look like bpd people and bpd people are really bad…I feel so angry because he clearly doesn’t know about bpd ebough

  59. These aren't necessarily borderline. Others without borderline can possess this. As for myself, the main thing is I can go from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds.

  60. Aren't you aware that not everyone is comfortable with you showing off your breasts while doing your videos? It's not a workout video. I get that doing stuff like the Kardashians might gain more viewers and subscribers, but wearing such for a bpd video?

  61. I have bpd and it can certainly be tough. The deep feeling of emptiness and the need to escape are my worst symptoms now. Used to be extreme codependency towards any woman I liked which almost always made them reject me. I have luckily learned to control this one

  62. Getting feel-sorryness from other people doesn’t inform your character half so much as the amount of effort you put into changing your wrong behavior

  63. 1. I ruminate/the spinning wheel of thinking bad thoughts
    2. I'm addicted to the high of illusionary vengeance
    3. A slight change in routine kills me
    4. I will love sleeping for days at a time
    5. When I'm depressed, i won't eat
    6. Drunk on fear of people leaving me
    7. Tons of sex
    8. Lie/white lie to manipulate
    9. I have many times felt out of control of myself/others i with shake or have a raised heartbeat
    10. I would seek out people who would take my side even if its a boyfriend's ex..just hating on him.

    Living with BPD sucks because inside I have a little girl crying but everyone sees my outside as a manipulative vengeful self-destruct person. The unseen struggling internally BPD sufferers go through is like trying to measure the size of the galaxy. It real mental and physical pain upon ones self dealing with this on a daily basis. I had to set aside my stubbornness and go through dialectical therapy to learn again how to live and be happy.

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